fiction

A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season Chapter 10

/ Lisa R. Howeler / Leave a comment

Welcome to the ninth chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but it will be fully edited once it is complete.

You can catch up on chapters HERE.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.



Chapter 10

Molly unhooked the ponytail she’d had her hair pulled up in and let her curls fall down across her back and shoulders. “Alex, I’m perfectly capable of making the drive to Burdett and back on my own.” She folded her arms across her chest and tipped her head slightly, narrowing her eyes. “Wait a minute. It’s not me you’re worried about, is it? It’s your truck.”

Alex laughed. “No! I am not worried about my truck. You’re a perfectly capable driver. There are snow squalls expected though and I –”

“You thought what? Think you can stop the snow squalls from happening?” She let out a small laugh. “Alex, I’ve been driving these roads in the winter a lot longer than you have. I’ll be fine. Promise. You really need to rest your back.” She pulled her lower lip between her teeth briefly and let it go again. “But if you really want to go then I wouldn’t mind the company. I’ll drive though so you can push the seat back and relax.”

Now that the freezers at the store were fixed, more inventory could be added to them and there was a delivery of fresh goat milk and cheese a half an hour away. Molly had volunteered to go, but Alex had overheard and didn’t like the idea of her out on her own in possibly bad weather.

Worrying about her was foolish, and he knew it. Like he’d told many people over the years, including Molly herself, she could handle any situation that rural life threw her. She didn’t need him to protect her. Truthfully, though, he did want to try to protect her. He also wanted her company after a busy few weeks of barely seeing her due to work on the farm, recovering from his injury, and painting the truck.

Once inside his truck, she flicked on the radio, pushing buttons until she found a station playing Christmas music. She pulled her hair back up into the ponytail again and he found his gaze focusing on the skin exposed at the back of her neck. He resisted the urge to trail his fingertips along it.

She made a face as she clicked the seatbelt in, then wiggled back and forth a little in the seat.

He quirked an eyebrow. “What’s the matter with you? You have an itch on your rear or something?”

She laughed, a small dimple dotting the skin next to her mouth. “No. It’s just your truck feels so — I don’t know – clunky.”

He scowled. “Clunky?”

“Yeah, like too big or something.”

“It’s a four-wheel drive. Heated memory seats. Maximum horsepower. Back-up camera. GPS integrated into the dashboard. State of the art paint job. What’s not to love?”

She sighed, shifting the truck into gear. “It’s lovely. It’s just not my truck.”

Oh. Right. That.

He reached over and laid his hand over hers. “Hey, I know. It will be back soon. Have you got ahold of Bert?” Hopefully not. “What did he say?”

“I did actually.”

Uh-oh.

“He said the engine was in pretty bad shape so he’s working on it. He had some other jobs to finish up first.” Not a lie. Good job, Bert. She lifted her shoulders briefly then dropped them again. “I don’t mind, really. I’m just glad to hear it might be able to be saved.”

If Brad was able to pick up that part tomorrow then the verdict should be that it would definitely be able to be repaired, not maybe.

Houses decorated with Christmas lights, a few with Christmas-themed inflatables in the front yard, slid by as they drove toward Spencer. They drove around the town via the by-pass when they reached town limits and headed on to Burkett, another 25-minute drive beyond.

Alex closed his eyes and enjoyed Molly’s singing as she crooned out carol after carol, mixed in with a few country hits and a couple of worship songs.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Grandpa picked me up in this truck from elementary school?”

Her question came out of the blue, halting her singing.

He’d started to doze and jerked awake to listen to her. “No, actually. I don’t believe you have.”

“He pulled up in front of the school and honked the horn. We were letting out early because of weather and he’d volunteered to get me so I’d get home faster than I would have on the bus. About a mile from home, we hit that bridge over Shaver’s Creek and the snow started falling faster. Right after the bridge there was a left turn and Grandpa hit the accelerator and did a donut right at the end of the road. The truck turned all the way around, 360, and ended up facing back the way we were supposed to be going.”

Alex chuckled. “That totally sounds like something Ned would do. Or did he do it on purpose?”

She looked at him, meeting his smile with hers. “Of course he did it on purpose. He thought it was the funniest thing ever to see my eyes almost bug out of my head, he said. Later he said it might not have been the smartest move because we could have flown over the embankment into the creek by the road, but in the moment it sure was fun. For him anyhow. For me, I almost wet myself. I thought we were going to die.”

The story reminded Alex of his own grandfather. “My grandfather did something similar when he took me flying one time. He had a private pilots license. He took the plane into a nosedive and just when I thought we were going to crash into a mountainside he ripped it back up again. I was ten and I’m not going to lie, I did pee myself just a little bit.”

They laughed together as Molly turned into Brookings Family Goat Farm’s driveway. Josiah Brookings met them outside the barn and within fifteen minutes they had the inventory loaded in Alex’s truck.

“You two be safe out there,” Josiah said as he shook Alex’s hand. “The weather says we’re supposed to get snow squalls.”

“We should be fine. Molly’s driving and she’s a lot safer than I am. Take care and see you next month.”

Josiah waved as he walked back up the long drive to the house, leaving Alex and Molly standing in an orange ring of light under the light pole.

Alex paused, reaching down and scooping up a handful of snow, smirking as he packed it. Molly was already starting to climb into the truck when he tossed the ball, striking her in the shoulder.

She turned quickly, mouth dropping open. “Alexander Stone, what do you think you’re doing?”

He grinned, reaching down for more snow. “Just some minor physical therapy for my back. It’s good to do some light stretches for it.”

She pointed at him. “You drop that snowball.” She took a step back, now waggling the finger at him. “Don’t you dare start something that I’m going to finish.”

He tossed the snowball at her, snow shattering down the front of her winter coat as the ball hit her chest. “Molly Tanner, you know I’m the snowball fight champion five years running. Don’t let your mouth write a check your bottom can’t cash.”

Molly snickered as she stooped to gather snow in her hands. He grunted a few seconds later when a snowball hit him in the thigh. After that the snowballs flew fast and furious. He kept his distance and then decided the one way to win was to get close and get as much snow down the back of her winter coat as possible. She anticipated his move though and put her hands up to block him, which resulted in a brief wrestling match, during which she slipped and started to fall. He caught her under her arms and helped her regain her balance, laughing hard. She stepped back away from him in a fit of laughter and leaned her against the truck, breathing hard. Placing one hand on either side of her he leaned close, catching his breath.

“Looks like I win.”

She smiled, a sparkle in her eyes. “You didn’t win, you cheated. You clearly pushed me onto that patch of ice.”

“I clearly did not push you. You were just overcome by my snowball throwing power.” He moved his head closer to hers. “Besides, anytime I get to be this close to you, I win.”

Her voice was a whisper, her mouth a mere inch from his. “I remember another time we were pushed up against your truck like this.”

“I remember it too. Fondly.”  His lips grazed her cheek, then her mouth.  “Very fondly.”

She smiled as he lowered his head toward hers. They stood there for several moments, her arms around his waist as they kissed, snowflakes falling around them, before she pulled her mouth away slowly.

“We’d probably better get on the road in case it starts getting slick out.”

He reluctantly agreed and they climbed back into the truck cab, him wincing as a light pain shot through his back.

While Christmas songs weren’t what he’d normally listen to alone in the truck, he pushed the seek button until he found one, simply so he could hear Molly sing. He seemed to be catching her love for the season.

Ten minutes into their drive the road in front of them disappeared in a blur of white. He noticed Molly’s knuckles turning white. “You okay?”

She nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m fine.”

“Nervous?”

“A little bit.”

“You want to pull over?”

“Yep.”

He laughed as she maneuvered the truck gently off the road. “I thought you could handle driving in this weather.”

“I can and one way of handling it is knowing when to pull over and when not to.”

She shifted the truck into park. “The squall should pass soon. This will give us time to chat because I realized today that I have never asked you if you have any favorite Christmas movies.” She held up her hand as he started to answer. “Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. I’m not debating that again.”

He smiled as he propped his hands behind his head. “It is a Christmas movie, but I’ll let you believe what you want. As for other Christmas movies, I haven’t really watched a ton, but I guess It’s A Wonderful Life is good. Miracle on 34th Street. White Christmas.”

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and laughed. “Jason made you watch those with him, didn’t he?”

“Of course, but I liked them. What’s the one we watched together last year?”

“Christmas in Connecticut.”

“Yeah, that one wasn’t too bad.” He grinned and lowered his arms, leaning toward her. “Of course, anything is good as long as I’m with you.”

She placed a finger on his lips and tipped her head toward the windshield. “Looks like the snow squall has let up. We’d better keep going if we want to get back to Spencer.”

He smiled against her finger. “If you say, so, but there’s nothing wrong with stealing some kisses while we’re here.”

She kissed him briefly. “I’d like that, but I need to get back to pick Liz up from the library. The heat is broken in her car. Mom and Dad said I can borrow their car tonight.” She turned back to the steering wheel and placed her hand on the shift lever but didn’t move it. Her gaze drifted out in front of them, at the road now visible. “You know, this is the first Christmas since we lost grandpa that I really feel happy about Christmas again. This time of year used to give me such a warm feeling but so much about it seemed dull and lifeless since losing Grandpa. This year feels different. I don’t know why.” She sighed, eyes glistening. “There is something wildly beautiful about the spirit of Christmas, the way it reminds us all to take time to pause and tell those we love how much they mean to us.” She pulled her hand briefly from his and wiped at her damp cheek. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m so sappy tonight.”

He leaned across the seat and kissed her cheek. “I don’t mind sappy if it’s coming from you.”

She squeezed his hand then looked out the windshield. “Looks like that snow squall has cleared up. Let’s see how much closer we can get to home.” He gazed out the window at the now clear sky that moments before had been swirling with white. Stars sparkled against a dark blue sky. She was right. There was something wildly beautiful about Christmas, especially when he saw it through her eyes.  

A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season Chapter 7

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 3 Comments

Welcome to the seventh chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but will be fully edited once it is complete.

You can catch up on chapters HERE.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.

Chapter 7

There had been more than one Christmas over the years when Annie and Robert had questioned if they’d be able to provide gifts for the children. Farming didn’t always provide a consistent income. Some years weather made bringing in a profit a challenge. Other years it might be sick cows, falling down buildings, or broken equipment.

That inconsistency had certainly taken its toll on the family’s emotions over the years, but Robert felt like it had also brought them closer. Annie had certainly been his one constant during all the turmoil, besides God.

Christ had been the ultimate anchor for both of them. Without him and his provision, they never would have made it through the trials, the heartbreaks, and the day-to-day uncertainty of life as a farmer.

The seats at Grace Community Church were soft now, unlike when Robert had first started attending twenty years ago. Hard pews had filled the sanctuary back then. They had been pews his own father had helped build, along with the rest of the church, sometime in the early 1960s. Robert couldn’t remember the exact date the church was built but he could remember that for years he had no interest in attending church. He’d been too busy and too independent to think about God in high school and afterward. During those difficult first years with Annie, he’d relied on his own strength to make it through, rarely asking for help from God or thanking him.

That change came slowly, so slowly he thought Annie might give up and walk away, taking the children with him, when he refused to go to church with her. She never gave up hope, though. She prayed for him, loved him, and kept inviting him. It wasn’t a rock bottom moment that sent him back to the hard pews at Grace Community.  It was love and a realization that there was more to life than getting up and milking cows, working on the farm all day, milking cows again, and falling asleep early in the evening just to start it all over again. It was the beauty of the sunrise and the sunsets.

The days he thought he wasn’t going to make it and the farm wasn’t going to make it but they did. It was the smile of his daughter, the laughter of his son, and the feel of his wife’s arms around him. He knew all those blessings couldn’t be something he’d earned or something he deserved. Someone greater than him had given him it all as a gift and he needed to start thanking that someone. It was the same God his parents had raised him to believe in, but he had rejected not out of anger but simple apathy.

Standing outside the church, Robert leaned leaning back against his truck and waited for Annie to stop chatting with town librarian Ginny Jefferies and her husband, Stan. He took a deep breath and took in the view of the church, decorated inside and out to celebrate the birth of Christ. It reminded him that no matter what happened with his gift for Annie, Christ was the ultimate gift of Christmas. The joy and peace He brought to his and Annie’s life could never be matched with physical, earthly gifts.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as Annie walked toward him, her Bible tucked in her arm, against her chest.

“What’s so funny?”

“Funny?”

“You look like you’re going to laugh.”

He shook his head. “Nothing’s funny. Our life is just beautiful. As beautiful and wonderful as you are.”

Annie’s eyebrows raised. “Wow. That’s sweet of you. What did I do to deserve such praise?”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Just by being yourself.”

She leaned back and looked up at him, eyes glistening. Reaching up, she laid a gloved hand against his cheek, and then, without a word, she kissed him, where anyone walking out of the church and to their cars could see them. Robert was sure no one would be offended by the public display of affection. Couples their age would be glad to see an older couple who wasn’t embarrassed to show their love for each other. The younger couples would probably smile and say –

“I hope we’re still in love like that when we’re their age.”

Jason snorted a laugh and Robert pulled back from the kiss and made a face at him. Ellie’s arm was looped through Jason’s and she tapped her husband’s arm with a gentle admonishment.

Robert motioned his son away. “Go on, ya’ whippersnapper. Get on out of here and let an old couple have a kiss.”

Annie playfully tapped his shoulder. “Old? Speak for yourself.”

She winked and pulled out of his embrace to head to the car, sliding her hand down to his. “Come on, old man. We can pick up our kissing session when we get home.” She looked over her shoulder at Jason and Ellie and winked. “Now that all our children are out of the house and living their own lives, we have more private time for such things.”

Inside the car, she pulled her gloves off, laid them on her lap, and intertwined her fingers with his. He raised her hand and kissed it before shifting the car into gear and heading out of the parking lot and down the road toward home.

***

Another searing pain shot from Alex’s lower back to his upper. He gritted his teeth and clutched the side of the bed. The painkillers he’d taken two hours ago weren’t even touching the pain and he was beginning to reluctantly agree with Molly that he might need to visit a doctor. The pain was coming in spasms now. No surprise since he’d fallen from a height of maybe ten feet. He was lucky he hadn’t broken any bones.

Robert and Annie had urged him to go to a doctor, but he’d declined. He had, however, accepted a couple of ice packs after a hot shower and a warm cup of tea made by Molly. The attention she’d given him, checking on him every hour before he fell asleep, then checking again first thing in the morning, had been nice too.

What wasn’t as nice was the fact he’d missed the tree lighting and then the church – which he’d finally started attending with the family about six months ago – and three days of working on the truck. Molly had connected by video with him for the tree lighting, which also included caroling. She also filled him in on the sermon. Caroling had never been his thing in the past, but for some reason, hearing the hundred or so people gathered around the tree sing Silent Night had caused his throat to tighten with emotion. He’d desperately wanted to be there with Molly in that moment, though he wasn’t sure if he’d been able to hold back the tears. He must be getting old with all these sentimental emotions rearing their ugly heads.

He hadn’t necessarily understood everything Molly shared with him about the sermon, but living in the hopeful spirit of Christmas beyond the actual season had made sense to him.

“Pastor Joe said Christmas is something we can always carry with us in our heart because Christ’s love is something that will be with us no matter the time of year,” Molly told him. “Being a Christian is an all-year-round celebration. Not simply a once or twice a year event.”

All of that made sense to Alex, even as he was still trying to figure out what being a follower of Christ meant.

Bert had found almost all the parts they needed for the engine, pulled off the bumpers to be replaced with new ones, and even found a new pair of headlights. He was leaving the rest of the paint job for Alex. That was if Alex could figure out how to move off the bed without pain spasming through his back.

The door to his bedroom opened as the latest spasm eased up. He raised his eyes slowly and squinted at Jason and his roommate, Matt McGee, standing in the hallway looking in.

“Yep.” Jason nodded. “You’re right, Matt. He looks like garbage.”

Matt folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the doorframe. “I told you. Now we’re going to have to do something about it.”

Alex glared. “Both of you go away.” The last thing he needed right now was their harassment.

Matt stepped into the room and stood over him, hands on his hips. If Alex didn’t know him so well he might have looked intimidating standing there in full uniform for his job as a police officer with the Spencer Police Department.

“Come on, Stone. We’re taking you to the doctor.”

“No. You are not.”

Jason stepped behind Matt and looked over his shoulder. “I’m going to take one arm and Matt is going to take the other and we’re going to hoist you into Ellie’s car, so you don’t have to climb up into my truck, and I’m driving you to town.” He stepped around Matt and wrapped a large hand around Alex’s bicep. “Now come on, we’re not taking no for an answer.”

Alex groaned as he sat up and then let them both swing his arms around their shoulders. “I need shoes and my wallet.” He winced. “And maybe a tranquilizer like we used on the bull last year.”

“One step at a time, bud,” Matt said with a smile. “You can do this.”

“Yeah,” Jason added. “We need you to get better, so I don’t have to keep doing all your work.”

Half an hour later Alex tightened his jaw against the pain as the doctor helped him from the exam table.

Dr. Cartagenese handed him a prescription. “Like I said the best medicine for this, besides these muscle relaxants is bed rest. At least five days worth. I know you work at the Tanners and they aren’t good about resting when they’re injured or sick.” He winked. “Don’t be like them, okay?”

No way. He didn’t have five days to lay in bed.

“Thanks, Doc. I’ll take that into consideration.”  

Outside in the passenger seat of Liz’s car, though, he’d already considered it, and he was going to give himself two days to rest, and then it was back to working on the truck or he’d never get it completed by Christmas.

Jason closed the car door for him and walked back to the driver’s seat.

“What’d he say?” he asked as he started the car.

Alex sat back in the seat slowly. “He gave me muscle relaxants and if it doesn’t get better he wants me to have x-rays.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah. Bedrest, but I’m not going to do that.”

“If bed rest will help you heal faster, you probably should.”

“Don’t have time.”

“I can pick up your work at the farm. It’s no problem. I can’t remember you taking more than a couple sick days in the entire time you’ve worked with us.”

Alex gritted his teeth against the pain again, closing his eyes. He let out a breath a few minutes later as the pain lessened again. “It’s not that. I’m working on a gift for Molly. I need to get it done.” He glanced at Jason. “You can’t tell Molly, okay? It’s a surprise.”

Jason’s eyebrows raised and he tipped his head down a bit to encourage Alex to continue.

“A surprise for Christmas.”

A small smile started to play across Jason’s lips. “Oh yeah?”

Not Jason too. “It’s not what you might think. I’m fixing up your grandpa’s truck for her.”

Jason turned onto Main Street to head out of town. “Oh. Hey. That’s great.” He genuinely looked pleased. “What all are you doing to it?

“New paint job, new engine. The works. Almost all of my savings is going into it.”

“What else needs to be done?”

“I have the body sanded and two doors painted. I need to get the body finished. Bert is going to help some but he’s also finishing up the engine and he’s got a full shop of cars that need to be worked on for actual customers.”

Jason shrugged. “I can help.”

Alex closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. “You’ve got enough work to do.”

“I can take some time away from the farm to help with the truck.” He gently tapped Alex’s shoulder with his fist. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure my sister knows it was your idea and you did most of the work.”

“Me and Bert actually.”

“You and Bert. Okay.” A sly smirk pulled at the corners of Jason’s mouth. “Sooooo. You’re not planning any other surprises for Molly, are you?”

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Like what?

Jason held up his left hand and pointed to his ring finger. “You know.”

Alex groaned. “Put your hands back on the wheel and no! Not you too! First Bert then Franny and now you. What is it with you Tanners?”

Jason laughed. “Well, what can I say? Great minds think alike, buddy.”

Alex looked out the window at the houses flying by, many of them decorated with bright lights for Christmas. He hated the idea of being laid up at the house, unable to work on the farm or the truck. He hadn’t always been a hard worker, but for the last six years since moving to Pennsylvania, all he’d known was hard work. Silence settled over the truck as his mind drifted to a mental list of all the work he still had to do before Christmas.

“So, are you?”

Jason’s question pulled him from his thoughts. “Am I what?”

Jason cleared his throat. “Proposing to Molly.”

Alex rolled his eyes up to the ceiling of the truck. “That wasn’t part of the plan, no.”

Jason nodded. “Okay, well if it does become part of the plan, I want you to know —” He reached over and gripped Alex’s shoulder with one hand and squeezed gently. “You have my blessing. I know I harass you and Molly about your relationship but you’re my best friend, and there’s no one else I’d like to have as my brother-in-law.”

Alex nodded. “Thank you, Jase. I appreciate that. I do.”

Jason turned the heat up and the radio on. “Listen, I’m going to head down to Bert’s in the morning after I go to the gym. I’ll see what I can help with. At least take it easy a couple of days. No man is an island, Stone. Don’t be like us Tanners. Take the help when it’s offered.”

Alex grimaced against the pain. “At this point, I really don’t have a choice.”

A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season, Chapter 5

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 1 Comment

Welcome to the fifth chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but will be fully edited once it is complete.

You can catch up on chapters HERE.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.

Chapter 5

Snow and ice crunched under Alex’s feet as he walked to the barn. The snow had started to stick overnight, but not enough to leave much more than a dusting. Inside the barn, Robert and Jason were already preparing the cows for milking.

Molly was busy cleaning the stalls to prepare for fresh bedding to be laid down. It wasn’t until a couple hours later that he and Robert were alone, preparing the feed for the afternoon milking.

Robert looked up at him as he measured the nutrients to pour in for the calves’ feed. “How’s your project going?”

“Not great.”

Robert laughed. “Mine either.”

“What’s happening with yours?”

“Supply issues. Limited time. Yours?”

“Same.”

Robert yawned.  “Think you’ll get it done?

Alex nodded. “Burt is working on the engine and I’m working on the exterior. Even with that one part for the engine delayed, I think we’ll pull through.”

“Good. We can’t let our girls down, can we?”

Alex laughed softly. “No. We can’t. Even though they don’t even know what we are doing.”

Robert started filling the calf bottles. “They don’t, but I know they will appreciate whatever we do for them. We’re two lucky men.”

A muscle jumped next to Alex’s eye. Was Robert about to venture into the topic of conversation his brother-in-law and mother had? The subject needed to be changed as quick as possible.

“Yes, we are. Hey, I’m off to repair that fence in the upper field. Don’t want to take a chance on the new bull getting out.”

He walked briskly toward the door before Robert could ask him anything about his “intentions with Molly” or some similar line of conversation. Inside his trucks he let out a quick huff of breath.

Crisis averted. For now, anyhow.

He had grown close to Robert, a man who had been like a father to him more than his own had ever been. Sometimes that made dating Robert’s daughter even more awkward. Alex still vividly remembered the night the man had walked in on them kissing in the barn about a year and a half ago. He’d thought Robert was either going to punch him or have a heart attack, or maybe both – the heart attack after he punched him.

 Despite the awkwardness, Alex was grateful for the Tanners and the way they had become like family to him.

Before coming to live with Jason, Christmases had been awkward, especially after his parents had divorced. Alex was glad he’d been in college when they divorced and that there had been some happy Christmases when he was younger, even though his dad was rarely home and his parents argued often. There had been a few traditions he and his brother had tried to keep alive, even when the relationship between his parents started to sour, around the time Alex was 11.

Decorating the tree the day after Thanksgiving was one tradition they held on to, sometimes decorating it alone while their parents hissed insults at each other in the next room.

They kept that tradition alive until they both had gone to college. Then Sam had started working for their dad, taking the road their dad had wanted for both of his sons, and the distance only grew between them. For the last five years, Alex had spent his Christmases with the Tanners and had either called or texted Sam instead of visiting. A couple of years ago he had driven four hours to Baltimore the week before Christmas to meet up with Sam and his current girlfriend, Brittany.

Even though he and Sam kept in contact Alex wouldn’t define their relationship as close, especially as Sam became more and more like their father – obsessed with his career and looking like he had it all together, whether he did or not. Alex still held good memories of Sam, though, and didn’t want to completely lose the fragile relationship they had.

Parking his truck next to the fence line in the upper field, Alex reached for his phone and started to text.

“Hey. Wanted to connect and see if you want to meet up after Christmas this year for some lunch somewhere. I could meet you halfway or head down to Baltimore. Let me know.”

He clicked send, a large part of him hoping Sam would decline or didn’t answer at all. Sliding the phone back into his pocket he looked out over the field, the yellow and brown grass dotted with snow. Seven years ago, he’d stood here with Molly’s grandfather, Ned Tanner. Alzheimer’s had already started showing itself, but the man was connecting well that day. Alex was shocked by how quickly the disease had progressed and how Ned went from chatting away to slipping away within only a couple of years.

In some ways he was grateful that heart failure had claimed the man three years after the Alzheimer’s diagnosis, sparing his family from having to experience the man forgetting them altogether. Yes, there were days he briefly mixed up a family member or forgot that Molly, for example, was his granddaughter, but in the end, he’d at least known who Franny was.

Alex could still remember Ned’s words that day they’d stood in this field.

“If you love the land, it will love you back, did you know that, boy?”

“No, sir, I guess I didn’t until I came here.”

“Then it’s good you came here. We’re glad to have you. Hope you know that at least.”

At that point, he’d only been at the Tanners a year but had already felt like family. Robert, Annie, Jason, Franny, and especially Ned had all made sure of that.

He’d met Ned a few times before moving up to stay permanently and he wished he’d been able to know him longer before he became sick.

“Thank you for letting me work with you, sir,” he’d said to Ned.

Ned had clapped a large hand on his shoulder and squeezed, gray-blue eyes glistening, either from the wind or emotion. “Thank you for working so hard and being the extra support we’ve needed now that I’m getting all old and gray.” He’d flashed a captivating grin that had made Alex chuckle and reassure the man he wasn’t washed up yet.

Alex had never experienced acceptance like that before, other than his own grandfather, who he’d lost while he was in high school. His father had rejected him time and time again, telling him he’d better “get it together” if he wanted to be part of the business. Alex didn’t want to be part of the business, though. He’d gone to college to get a degree in computer programming on the off chance he did work with his dad, but he knew his dad wanted him at a desk, crunching figures and making deals, not in the IT department. Sitting at a desk wasn’t the future Alex wanted. When Jason had invited him to come work and live on the farm, he’d jumped at the opportunity.   

Taking a deep breath of cold, winter air, he closed his eyes briefly, the image of Ned forefront his mind. “Miss you, Ned. Thanks for everything.”

He shook his head as he opened his eyes. “Man, these Tanners have made me all sappy. I need to get a grip.” He wiped a hand across the dampness on his cheek and pulled a hammer out of the toolbox to start repairing the fence.

He’d learned a few important lessons from the Tanner men over the years and one of them was if you wanted to stop thinking too much, you went to work.

***

Robert stood and grimaced as his knee cracked. He shouldn’t have been kneeling that way. His leg still wasn’t a hundred percent since the accident and it never may be again.

The pain would be worth it, though, just to see Annie’s smile.

The pieces were coming together nicely. Soon he would be able to paint it, but hopefully the bolts to affix the chain to the swing would come soon.

His own father’s words came to him as he leaned back against the tractor behind him and reached for the mug of coffee he’d brought.

“You’re sure, Robert? You’re only 18 and –”

“You and mom were even younger, Dad. What’s this really about?”

“It isn’t about anything. I just want to be sure this is what you really want.”

“Dad, being married to Annie and running the farm with you is what I really want. She wants to be in farming too. We’ve thought about it. A lot.”

Ned had patted his back briefly and nodded. “Okay, then, you have my permission to talk to her parents about marrying her. I’ll support you both however I can.”

And Ned had supported them, day in and day out. That support had come in finances, yes, but also in advice, in emotional support, in love that Robert could still feel to this day.

Ned’s physical body was gone, but his loving, hardworking spirit definitely lived on in his family.

Robert reached for the phone in his pocket as it rang, deciding he’d look at the caller ID this time to see if he wanted to answer it.

Jason.

He’d better answer it.

“Where are you at? Have you seen the weather yet?”

“No, what’s coming?”

“Maybe a foot. Starting tonight.”

Robert let out a breath. “Better get the chains on the big tractor. The plow is already on the truck but we’ll need to be able to clear a space for the milk truck to get in in the morning if they can even get here.”

“That’s not all. The heater in the barn is on the blink again.”

“That’s not good at all. I’ll be up in ten to take a look.”

“Up from where?”

No use trying to keep it all from Jason. He needed all the help he could get at this point. “The shed in the lower field. I’m working on a surprise for your mom. The key word here is surprise, okay? So zip your lips about it.”

Jason laughed. “So that’s where you’ve been slipping off to every afternoon. No problem. I can keep a secret.” He paused. “Well, better now than I used to be able to.”

Robert reached for his gloves and the key to the truck. “Call Walt about the heater too. He knows more about this new one than I do. I’ll see you soon.”

Outside in the truck he looked out over the field in front of him, a field he’d laid in after the accident, the tractor pinning him down. Running a farm wasn’t easy, not by a long shot, but he was glad to be alive to do it, even on the days when challenges rose up faster than the river after a heavy rain. “It’s good to be alive, Lord.” He smiled and started the truck. “Good to be alive.”

A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season, Chapter 3

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 2 Comments

Welcome to the third chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but will be fully edited once it is complete.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.

Chapter 3

Alex’s muscles screamed for a break as he carried another heavy box of meat to Benny Johnson’s freezer truck. They’d been working to save the store’s frozen inventory for two hours now and he had caved and put on a pair of gloves in the first thirty minutes, much to Molly’s amusement.

Once the meat and dairy were inside the truck, they’d work on fixing the blown fuse for the freezers, or call the company who installed them, whichever got the job done first.

He’d been in the middle of sanding the original, chipping paint off Molly’s truck when Robert had called. Before the call about the freezers, he’d been grateful for the break from farm work to work on the surprise and he was glad he had Robert as a co-conspirator or it might not have worked. Of course, Robert had him as a co-conspirator too. He had a feeling there would be more than once in the next few weeks that they would have to chase either Annie or Molly off the scent of what they were up to.

His phone rang as he carried another box to the freezer truck. He ignored it at first, but then thought it might be Molly needing to be picked up from the farm to come help.

He should have looked at the caller ID first.

“Well, it’s about time you picked up your phone. I thought maybe the one cell tower the county had fallen down or something.”

He grimaced, his jaw tightening. “Good afternoon to you too, Mom.”

“I had to call you, I suppose, since you never call me.”

For obvious reasons, Mom, is what he wanted to say, but literally bit the inside of his cheek to keep from saying it.

His mom had been generous in giving the Tanners a check to help save their farm a couple of years ago and he appreciated it but now she seemed to think it was a blank check to have the relationship with him they’d never had while he was growing up.

“You know I’m sure your father would like you to come home for Christmas.”

Ah his father. The man who never spoke to him, other than to help him how much he’d failed in life.

“Is that what he said?”

“Well, no,  but –“

“Mom. You’re divorced from the man. Have you even talked to him?”

“Briefly, yes. Three months ago. He wanted to make sure you and your brother knew about his diagnosis.”

“And that’s all?”

“Yes, but I feel certain he’d want to see you.”

“Isn’t his cancer treatable? I mean it’s been two years since we first learned about it and Sam hasn’t said much about it when we talk.”

His mother sniffed with indignation on the other end of the line. “Yes, from what I understand it is. They caught it early so that’s good. And Sam’s talking to you?”

He chose to ignore the Sam question. “I’m glad to hear that about the cancer but no, I won’t be back for Christmas. I have plans with Molly.”

Another sniff, this one with a little less indignation than the first. “Oh. I understand. Molly’s a sweet girl. And of course, her mother has replaced me in your life so – “

“Mom –”

You can’t replace something that was never there in the first place, is what he wanted to say, but, again, didn’t.

“I know. I know. Nothing can replace the love of a mother. Well, maybe you can bring Molly for a visit in February. Richard and I will be in Spain in January. Actually, if you aren’t coming for Christmas, I guess we will take that trip to the Caribbean after all. Your brother is staying with his girlfriend’s family this year in Cancun. I guess it will be another Christmas without seeing the children I gave birth to.”

He rubbed a gloved hand along the back of his neck, massaging the aching muscles there. “I’ll give you a call on Christmas, Mom.” Guilt pricked at his conscience briefly. “And maybe I can get down to see you after you get back from Spain.”

The sigh on the other end of the line denoted a change in tone. “I hope  you can. Richard has had the whole west wing of the house remodeled and we also enlarged the pool. We have plenty of spare rooms so be sure to bring Molly along. That reminds me – is she ever going to be my daughter-in-law or are you forever going to be dating?”

“Bye, Mom.”

“I mean I was just wondering – “


“Have a nice day. Bye-bye.”

He slid his finger over the call end button and slid the phone into his back pocket.

Carrying heavy boxes of meat in the freezing cold seemed a lot less like a hardship after that conversation.

“Hey, Alex.”

Molly’s hair —  pressed down with a pink knitted hat — framed her face as she carried a box of dairy products toward him. Her brother must have brought her from the farm. “Have you heard anything about my truck?”

Then again – this conversation might not be too much fun either.

He shrugged a shoulder and took the box from her. “All I know is that it’s being worked on. I’m sure it’s fine. It’s only been a week and a half, Mol. What is it you’re always saying? Patience is a virtue?”

Molly sighed. “I know, but I miss it.”

He grinned. “What, you don’t like cozying up to me in my truck?”

Molly smiled and hooked her arm in his. “Of course I like that, but I also like the freedom of having my own vehicle.”

He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sure it will be done soon and when it is, it will be as good as new.”

Or close to it anyhow.

“Before I forget, Grandma invited us to lunch next week. She says she hasn’t seen us enough lately and to come over for some homemade lasagna.”

Alex laughed softly. “What’s she talking about? We see her every Sunday for lunch.”

“Yeah, but that’s the whole family. She says she wants a day with just the two of us.”

Alex grinned. “Works for me. It’s not like being fed some of her amazing lasagna is a bad thing.”

“Oh, and are you going to help us decorate at mom and dad’s next week?

“Of course. I did last year, didn’t I?”

Molly smirked. “No. You didn’t actually. You watched some action movie with Jason while you were supposed to be decorating.”

“I decorated the outside with your dad and Jason. I figured the inside stuff was up to you girls.”

“Excuse me?” She folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow. “Are you trying to say that decorating is a woman’s job?”

He shook his head briefly. “No. Just that women are better at decorating inside.”

She laughed softly. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Jason helped one year and just draped the garland over a couple of windows and said that was good enough.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m going for some more boxes. Get back to work, handsome.”

As he carried the box to the truck a few minutes later, his mind shifted to Franny’s invitation. He wondered if the woman had ulterior motives.  Robert’s mother had dropped hints more than once about his future with Molly, at least twice during family dinners where she’d kept her gaze on him for several uncomfortable moments before he, or someone else, changed the subject to break the tension.

She was a sweet woman, but she was also direct, and he knew he needed to have an answer for her if she was going to try to corner him about his future with Molly. An answer that wouldn’t lock him into anything but would halt her personal interrogation. An answer he’d have to start thinking about now if he wanted to escape unscathed.

***

Robert stood from the kitchen chair and straightened. Stretching his arms above his head, he winced at the pull along his ribcage.

“You should have let the boys do all that heavy lifting.”

The admonishing nature of his wife’s words would have irritated him if there wasn’t a large amount of compassion behind the scolding.

“I’m not an invalid, Annie. I can do some lifting.”

She stepped forward and touched his shoulder. “I know you’re not an invalid, but you are getting older.”

He stiffened at the words. “I’m not ancient. Lifting a few heavy boxes won’t hurt me at all.”

Annie rubbed her hands along his shoulders, then slid them down his arms, laying her head against his back. “I know. I’m sorry. I just worry about you.”

He looked over his shoulder at the top of her head. “I know you do, and I appreciate it.”

The day the tractor tipped over onto him and pinned him underneath, he wasn’t sure he’d have any more moments together with Annie like this. Laying there as rain poured down on him and Alex tried to free him, he’d asked Alex to help take care of her and Molly when he was gone. He’d really thought he’d hugged her the last time before he’d left to mow that field.

Now her breath was warm through his shirt as she sighed. He closed his eyes as she hugged her arms around him. They stood there for several minutes before he turned and pulled her against his chest.

She rested her cheek against his shoulder. “I’m thinking there will be at least fourteen for Christmas dinner this year. Do you think we should kill the turkey or eat ham?”

“I’m good with either.”

“I can’t wait to have them all together. Do you think we should invite Liz and her family?”

“No, hon’. I think Liz and her family will have their own Christmas together. Probably with Ginny and Stan now that Clint and Tiffany are back in town. Like they did at Thanksgiving.” He kissed the top of her head. “We don’t have to feed all of Spencer Valley you know.”

Annie laughed softly. “Oh, I know, but –”

He smiled. “You just want to take care of everyone. That’s one of the many things I love about you.”

It’s how Annie had always been. First, she’d taken care of him, then she’d taken care of him and the children.

She’d done her best to take care of her parents until they had decided it was time to move into a nursing community in town. Now she still took care of them, but in a different way, comforted that they lived close to friends who would notify her if anything went wrong.

She and Molly had taken care of his father when he’d been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and slowly slipped away, passing away a few years ago. They still took care of his mother Franny, even though she was as independent as ever at the age of 73, living on her own at the original farmhouse up the road. And now she wanted to take care of Molly’s best friend, but Liz had her own family, including her sister Tiffany who had recently moved back to the area.

“Well, what do you think. Will Alex propose to Molly this Christmas?”

The question jolted him from his thoughts. “What?” He wrinkled his nose. He hadn’t thought of that possibility. He thought the kid was just fixing up Molly’s truck for her, not fixing to put a ring on her finger. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

She pulled back and looked up at him. “How would you feel if he did? Do you think they’re ready?”

His muscles tightened. He didn’t like to think of his little girl getting married. Even to Alex, who he loved as a member of the family already. “Is anyone ever ready, really?” He smiled down at her. “We were only 19 when we got married. Were we ready?”

She locked her hands behind his back. “There are days I still wonder if we are ready, my dear.”

He cupped a hand against her cheek. “I’m ready for anything as long as you’re with me.”

He kissed her as she smiled, lifting his other hand so he cradled her face. When the kiss deepened, his swirling thoughts about the store, the farm and the Christmas surprise faded. Even after 30 years she had a way of clouding his senses, pulling him under her spell until nothing else mattered other than the warmth of her body soft against his while she kissed away his worries.  

A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season, Chapter 2

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 3 Comments

Welcome to the second chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but will be fully edited once it is complete.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.

Chapter 2

“You ready to learn how to paint a vehicle the right way, Mr. Stone?”

Alex winced and made a face. “Yes, as long as you stop calling me Mr. Stone. It makes me think of my dad and I’m nothing like him.”

Burt laughed and pounded his hand on Alex’s back. “Okay, then, Alex, let’s get started. The first thing we have to do is sand the paint off this old truck and get it ready for a new coat.”

“So, we can make it look new but what about the engine? Are we going to be able to save it?”

Burt’s smile faded briefly. “Save it, no. Replace it, I hope so.  The biggest issue is finding a new engine for a truck this old. It’s definitely testing my scavenger-hunting skills right now.”

Alex rubbed his chin, nervous energy buzzing through him. “Let’s at least get the paint job started. Maybe we can set it up somewhere as a display if nothing else.”

Burt retrieved a large box of supplies from the other side of his garage and carried it to the truck, setting it down at Alex’s feet. “Tell me something. Is there anything else you plan to do along with presenting her with a newly refurbished truck?”

Alex laughed. “What, spending half my savings on fixing up her grandpa’s truck isn’t a big enough Christmas gift?”

Burt’s eyes glistened mischievously. “I’m not saying that, but, I mean – will you, possibly, be planning to present her with — ” He raised his hand and tapped his wedding band on his ring finger. “A lovely piece of jewelry?”

Warmth rushed from Alex’s chest up into his face. He choked on the coffee he’d been sipping and continued to cough for several seconds.

Burt’s laughter echoed off the high ceilings of the garage. “I’m guessing the answer to that question is a big no.”

Alex worked to recover, wiping a hand across his mouth. “I hadn’t really – I mean, that wasn’t part of the plan right now, no.”

Burt reached into the box for the sander. “My niece is a sweet young lady, Alex. Don’t let her slip away.”

Alex shook his head. “No, sir. I don’t intend to.”

Burt straightened and winked. “Then you might want to think about securing her long-term presence in your life with a ring. A fancy one. With a gold band and a diamond.”

Alex took a deep breath and let it out again. “No pressure or anything, though, right?”

Burt pushed a sander into his chest. “None at all. Now let’s get to work on your first surprise. You can mull the possibility of the other one over for a bit, but don’t wait too long. You’re going to need some time to pick out the ring.”

Alex swallowed hard. This harassment was most likely some sort of cosmic payback for how he’d harassed Jason about his need to propose to Ellie a couple of years ago.

There was no denying he loved Molly. More than he’d ever loved anyone before. Marriage, though? He’d seen what happened to his parents. Marriage didn’t always mean happily ever after, and it was a reality that weighed heavy on him and made him hesitant to do the one thing he wanted to do but was too afraid to.

***

Robert shivered, pulling the door to the shed closed behind him. In front of him sat a pile of boards he needed to cut to size, sand down, and put together in the next six weeks.

To the right of the boards sat a broken porch swing, tilted on its side and propped up against a piece of old farm equipment. A rusted chain, broken in two places, had been draped over the back of it.

A faint smile tilted his mouth upward as he looked at the broken remains of the swing.

In his mind he was sitting on that same porch swing on Annie’s parents’ front porch, the setting sun casting light pink across her skin, transforming an ordinary evening into an extraordinary one. He’d leaned forward, his 18-year-old heart pounding out a high-speed rhythm as he tilted his head to press his lips gently to hers.

The kiss was innocent and brief, but it had sent a rush of energy skittering through his entire body. He had been wanting to do that for over a year and the fact he’d gathered up his courage to do so made him proud.

Her parents had been away at an adult fellowship at the church that night, and she’d stayed home with her younger sister, who had been inside coloring and watching a cartoon. She’d leaned back from the kiss and smiled, touching a hand to her cheek and then her fingertips to her lips. Then she’d shocked him and leaned in for another kiss that he had welcomed. What was as welcome was the sound of footsteps inside the house, the front screen door bursting open, and the teasing voice of Annie’s sister Brenda.

“Are you two kissing? Eewww! That is so gross and I am totally telling mom and dad!”

Removing the swing from the front porch ten years ago had been emotionally hard for Robert, but the chains had rusted out and the boards on the seat were splintering. He’d planned to repair the swing sooner, but time had gotten away from him and now most of the boards were in even worse shape. The entire swing would need to be replaced at this point, but it would be worth it to see her face light up 33 years after they’d first sat there together.

That’s if he could finish the project in between milking cows, running the farm, and helping his sister with the family farm store.

Keeping it a secret from Annie would be hard since she could read him so easily, always able to tell when he was hiding something, even something good.

Already this morning she’d asked him what he had planned for the day, where he’d be and if he needed any help. She’d been by his side since the day they’d married, a constant support, a partner in life as much as in marriage. Her protective nature had kicked into high gear after his accident and she’d quickly joined forces with his daughter and mother in frequently checking up on him, asking if he was too tired or needed her to tag along and lend a hand.

Right now, though, what he needed most was for her to check on him less. Otherwise, she’d find out the surprise before he could reveal it on Christmas.

He started at the sound of a phone ringing. Getting used to carrying one of those smartphones around and actually answering it had definitely been a challenge in the last year but if he didn’t answer it, family members came looking for him.

The caller ID told him someone was calling from Harper’s Hardware.

“Robert?”

“Yeah. Hey, Terry, got those bolts I ordered?”

Terry Harper let out a breath on the other end of the phone. “Wish I could say I did. I called the supplier again and it looks like those bolts are out of stock just about everywhere. There’s some kind of supply chain issue out west.”

“California, I’ll bet.”

“Probably, yeah.”

“You said you don’t have any other bolts in stock similar, though, right?”

“Right.” Terry sounded as disappointed as Robert. “Is there any other way you can complete your project without them?”

Robert shook his head, even though the owner of Harper’s Hardware couldn’t see him. “Unfortunately, no. Anything else won’t be sturdy enough for what I need it for.”

“What’s your deadline?”

“I’d like to have it done by Christmas Eve. Sooner if possible so I can install it.”

Terry huffed into the phone. “Hmmm. Well, I’ve got one other supplier I can try. I’ll give them a call and see what we can do.”

“Thanks, Terry. I really appreciate this.”

“Of course. You know I’d do anything to help you make Annie smile. She’s a good woman. She deserves the best.”

Robert smiled, looking at the pile of wood he hoped to transform into her gift. “Yes, she absolutely does.”

A beep in his ear alerted him he had another call. He thanked Terry again and said good-bye before answering his brother Walt’s call.

Like usual, Walt didn’t bother with a greeting. “We got a problem.”

“What’s up?”

“A fuse has blown on the freezers at the store. A whole row is out.”

Robert’s eyes widened. “A whole row of freezers?”

“Yes, and if we don’t get that product somewhere cold, we’re going to lose it. Has Benny Jenson still got that freezer truck?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll give him a call. I’ll get a hold of Jason and Alex and send them up ahead of me.”

“I’ve got Brad going too. We’ll need all hands on deck.”

Robert pondered the pile of wood and huffed out a brief sigh as he hung up.  He looked at the broken swing one more time before he closed the shed door and headed to his truck.

Sunday Bookends: Little white lies, Three Amigos, and it is time for Christmas books

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 2 Comments

It’s time for our Sunday morning chat. On Sundays, I ramble about what’s been going on, what I and the rest of the family have been reading and watching, and what I’ve been writing, and some weeks I share what I am listening to.


What I/we’ve been Reading

I finished Love and A Little White Lie last night after working on it for a few weeks now. It didn’t take me this long because it was bad, but because I kept getting interrupted by writing projects, books, or just the everyday weirdness of life.

I will be honest that I almost bailed on this book part way through because the one character was so annoying to me and because the middle dragged a little bit. I really wanted to reach into the book and slap the one character. He was so whiney. Argh! But the book was really worth finishing because the writing was so good, the main character was so complex, and many of the supporting characters were loveable.

In case anyone reading this is interested, here is the description:

There’s a lot of irony in hitting rock bottom

After a heartbreak leaves her reeling, January Sanders is open to anything–including moving into a cabin on her aunt’s wedding-venue property and accepting a temporary position at her aunt’s church despite being a lifelong skeptic of faith. Choosing to keep her doubts to herself, she’s determined to give her all to supporting Grace Community’s overworked staff while helping herself move on.

What she doesn’t count on is meeting the church’s handsome and charming guitarist. It’s a match set for disaster, and yet January has no ability to stay away, even if it means pretending to have faith in a God she doesn’t believe in.

Only this time, keeping her secret isn’t as easy as she thought it would be. Especially when she’s constantly running into her aunt’s landscape architect, who seems to know everything about her past-and-present sins and makes no apologies about pushing her to deal with feelings she’d rather keep buried.

Torn between two worlds that can’t coexist, can January find the healing that’s eluded her, or will her resistance to the truth ruin any chance of happiness?

I am finishing a book for an author friend this week (By Broken Birch Bay by Jenny Knipfer) and then I plan to focus on Christmas books, including Shepherd’s Abiding by Jan Karon, America’s Favorite Christmastown by Dawn Klinge, and A Highland Christmas: A Hamish Macbeth Mystery by M.C. Beaton. If I can find a paperback copy, I’d also like to read some of Christmas with Anne by L.M. Montgomery, if it is a real book and not just some knock-off Amazon thing. Has anyone heard of it?

Little Miss and I are reading Paddington before bed and Children of the Longhouse by Joseph Bruchac during the day.

The Boy is reading Sea of Monsters, which is a Percy Jackson book and yes, during the week I am making him finish The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

The Husband is reading Kagan The Damned by Jonathan Maberry.

What’s Been Occurring

This past week we had a good school week during which I actually felt like I had fun, even if the children didn’t.

We didn’t do much else during the week, other than visit my mom on Thursday and grocery shop on Friday. Our shopping trip was delayed by an issue with the van that I thought was going to cost a lot, but turned out could be fixed by my dad dumping three quarts of oil in the engine. In other words, I don’t pay attention to the lights on the dash of my car.

This week’s weather was a mix of mess, wind, and cold. Still no snow, which was fine with me.  

This next week we don’t have a ton planned and if it’s going to be as cold as it has been, I am fine with that too.

What We watched/are Watching

Last Sunday, The Boy and I watched Planes, Trains, and Automobiles while The Husband took Little Miss to a train ride with Santa.

Later in the week we watched The Three Amigos, an old movie from the 80s with Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Chevy Chase.

It is a movie I used to watch with some friends of mine, probably when I was 9 or 10 and it was so weird and funny to watch it again all these years later. There was at least a couple of off-color moments, but for the most part the movie is clean.

The movie is about three actors who portray a trio of heroes called the Three Amigos in silent movies. A woman who is looking for someone to rescue her town from an evil man who is terrorizing it sees the movie, thinks it is a newsreel and sends them a telegram, asking them to come save her town. The telegraph operator decides to edit the telegram so she can afford to send it and, unfortunately, the actors think they are being hired for an acting job. Hilarity ensues from there as “they” say.

During the movie, there is a scene where Martin Short and Steve Martin sing a song called “My Little Buttercup,” which I had forgotten all about until it started. I used to sing the song to my mom and dad after my friends and I watched the movie and they would laugh so hard because I looked so ridiculous. I’m leaving it here for your viewing pleasure.

Little Miss’s impression of the movie: “Nope. Too much fantasy. Not enough reality.”

Sigh. If you knew what movies she watches, you’d really laugh at that comment.

There is a scene in the movie where the villain has a discussion about the word plethora and what it means. As I watched it I remembered that this is where I learned the word and from then on kept finding ways to use it in sentences. I still find a plethora of ways to use the word in sentences. Get it? I still find a plethora – yeah, okay. You get it.

Anyhow, later in the week, I started to watch You’ve Got Mail then realized that I don’t really like that movie because the two main characters are lying to their boyfriend and girlfriend and chatting to each other behind their backs. It is essentially a movie about cheaters, even if parts of it are cute.

I clicked off that and saw The Bookshop Around the Corner with Jimmy Stewart and then realized something I didn’t realize before. You’ve Got Mail is based on this 1940 movie.

As usual Hollywood is not original because I also started to watch A Man Called Ove this week and it is a Swedish movie that is being released in the U.S. under the title A Man Called Otto starring Tom Hanks. From what I can see, the American movie has been recreated frame for frame. I enjoyed what I did watch of A Man Called Ove, even though I would consider it a dark comedy and those aren’t usually my thing. I stopped it because I decided I should watch something a little happier since I was home by myself. I plan to finish the movie this week.

Anyhow, back to The Bookshop Around the Corner – it’s supposed to take place in Hungary, but only one person has a Hungarian accent. The rest either have New York accents or British ones. Besides that odd glitch, it is a very good movie about a man who is writing to a woman and later learns that the woman is someone he actually knows in real life.

I very much enjoyed the movie and was glad I watched that instead of You’ve Got Mail.

Also this week I watched The Muppets Christmas Carol as part of the ‘Tis the Season Cinema with Erin from Still Life with Cracker Crumbs and Katja_137 from Breath of Hallelujah.

They both had such interesting posts about the movie. I loved how Katja_137 threw in so much trivia about it, including an edited scene I didn’t even know existed.

You can read her post here: https://breathofhallelujah.com/2022/12/02/the-muppet-christmas-carol-tis-the-season-cinema/comment-page-1/#comment-56

And Erin’s here: https://crackercrumblife.com/2022/12/01/tis-the-season-cinema-the-muppets-christmas-carol/



What I’m Writing

I’ve been working on a short story that I will start sharing on the blog Friday and run for 12 days after that. It will feature the characters from Spencer Valley, including Molly, Alex, Robert, Annie, Franny, and maybe a little bit of Jason and Ellie and Matt and Liz.

Here is a little sneak peek for those of you who might like to read along:

Cold bit at Robert Tanner’s skin, stung his lungs, and made him wish he could stay inside under a blanket with a warm cup of coffee. Instead, he stepped further into the cold, pulling his winter cap down further on his head.

Between the house and the barn snow swirled wildly, darkening the sky and making it feel like dusk instead of late afternoon.

Inside the barn it was warm, and he was grateful for it, even if his arrival did mean he’d have to start cleaning out the cows sleeping area and preparing the second milking of the day.

Truthfully, his mind was far away from the tasks of the day. His thoughts were consumed with another project he hoped to have complete by Christmas – a gift for his wife of 30 years.

On the blog this week I shared:

What I’m Listening To

I have not been slowing down and listening to anything except for some worship guitar music while I write. I hope to remedy that this week and listen to some more music. Some nights my daughter and I listen to the family hour on our local Christian radio station, which features Adventures in Odyssey and other Christian radio dramas from 7 to  8 p.m.

Now it’s your turn

Now it’s your turn. What have you been doing, watching, reading, listening to or writing? Let me know in the comments or leave a blog post link if you also write a weekly update like this.

Sunday Bookends: Snow returns, Charles Bronson movies and fathers in my reading

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 4 Comments

It’s time for our Sunday morning chat. On Sundays I ramble about what’s been going on, what I and the rest of the family have been reading and watching, what I’ve been writing, and some weeks I share what I am listening to.


What I/we’ve been Reading

I have started my annual reading for Shepherd’s Abiding by Jan Karon. I love this sweet story about Father Timothy Kavanaugh who finds a nativity set that he wants to repaint and fix up for his beloved wife Cynthia. Sigh. It’s just such a sweet story.

(If you haven’t read Mitford before, Father Tim is Episcopalian so he is allowed to marry. *wink*)

I am also continuing with the Father Brown Collection by G.K. Chesteron, which is a collection of short stories. I’m a mood reader so I read a story and then switch to a different book for a bit.

I’ve also started Love and A Little White Lie by Tammy L. Gray and am enjoying it so far. It’s about a woman who has taken a job at a church but doesn’t feel she belongs there. It is the first book in a three book series.

At night I have been reading Paddington Races Ahead with Little Miss.

I am also reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain off and on during the week with The Boy, who is reading it for school.

The Husband is reading…. Oops. I forgot to ask before I scheduled this and he’s already asleep.

What’s Been Occurring

I rambled about what has been occurring on a post from Friday and not much more has happened since then. In that post, I shared that we had our first official snowfall earlier in the week, only a couple of days after it was in the low 70s. Last night we had more snow, but only about an inch and a half.

This week we are looking forward to celebrating The Husband’s birthday by attending a festival of lights display about 45 minutes from us and then a quiet Thanksgiving with my parents. We are also looking to five days off from school since the kids seemed to be burned out on lessons. Yes, already burned out. This early in the school year.  

What We watched/are Watching

The Husband and I watched two Charles Bronson films this week: Mr. Majestyk and Red Sun. They were both very good. Red Sun featured a bit of female nudity that we weren’t expecting and Mr. Majestyk featured swearing that was tame compared to the movies of today but still swearing. That’s just a disclaimer for anyone who is sensitive to those aspects of movies.

I also watched two Hallmark Christmas movies. Sign, Sealed, Delivered for Christmas made me cry and Trading Christmas made me smile. I own Trading Christmas because it is just a light movie I enjoy watching. Both are on Amazon.

I also watched The Christmas Carol Goes Wrong for the ‘Tis The Season Cinema feature with Erin from Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs.

This week Erin and I will be watching White Christmas and posting our impression of it on Saturday. Please feel free to join us and post your impressions as well.


What I’m Writing

I’ve started writing a new book while I am editing Shores of Mercy, but I am not ready to share it yet and not sure I will share it on the blog or not this time. It’s going to be different than my previous books, in some ways, and it is not part of The Spencer Valley Chronicles, or any series. I can tell you that the main character is male, over the age of 50, and it will be one point of view, third person. I’ll keep all of you updated.

This week on the blog I shared:

A Chat and a Cup of Tea or Something Warm

‘Tis The Season Cinema: A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong

Special Fiction … Wednesday? Mercy’s Shore Final Chapters

Educationally Speaking: Fall Homeschool Update

What I’m Listening To

While I am watching Christmas movies early, I haven’t yet started Christmas music and won’t do that until December, most likely. When I do it will be the Michaels – Smith and Buble.

I found a Youtube video of worship music being played on a guitar that I’ve been listening to while I write.



Now it’s your turn

Now it’s your turn. What have you been doing, watching, reading, listening to or writing? Let me know in the comments.

Special Fiction … Wednesday? Mercy’s Shore Final Chapters

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 4 Comments

Umm…whoops! I completely forgot I had promised to post the final chapters of the book Sunday night so here they are now.

As always, this is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, after I edit and rewrite it, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

If you would prefer to read the book when it is all complete, you can pre-order a copy HERE on Amazon. It releases on January 31, 2023. There is also a link to the previous chapters HERE.

Chapter 36

Judi snatched the phone off her bedside table. So much for sleeping in this Saturday.

The caller ID said Evan, though, so she didn’t mind losing a couple hours of sleep.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey, you,” she said back, a broad smile tugging at her mouth at the sound of excitement in his voice.

“I’m back in town for a week, maybe more. I was wondering if you’d like to meet me out at the Tanner’s new pumpkin farm today. Maybe around noon?”

She rolled on her stomach, propping herself on her elbows. “That sounds very nice. I wasn’t sure you’d want to be around me again.”

Evan laughed. “You got all those flowers I sent, right? Of course I still want to be around you. I thought maybe I could buy you a donut and a cup of apple cider. Plus, it’d be somewhere  — um —neutral.”

She agreed to meet him at noon and spent the next two hours looking for the perfect autumn outfit. She spent another half an hour looking at herself in the mirror, adjusting her makeup, brushing her hair, then wiping some of the makeup off. Letting out a huff of breath she blew her bangs out of her eyes and shook her head in resignation.

“Don’t overthink it, Lambert. Just go.”

But she did overthink it. All the way to the pumpkin farm and in the parking lot, looking at herself in the rearview mirror. When a face appeared at her window out of the corner of her eye she screamed, then burst into laughter as she watched Evan lean back and laugh loudly.

“You jerk.” She laughed as she climbed out of the car and gently slapped his upper arm with the back of her hand.

“Sorry. That was just too funny.” His smile made her heart lurch. “You look beautiful, by the way. You don’t have to keep fixing your hair.”

Warmth spread up from her chest to her face. “Thank you.”

He tipped his head sideways to the entrance behind the store. “Care for a walk? I think the cider and donuts are back there.”

“Sure. That sounds nice.”

Leaves crunched under their feet as they walked. Judi slid her hands in her sweater pockets, her gaze drifting across a pumpkin field to her left, filled with pumpkins but also children swarming the pumpkins, loading them into carts, or carrying them to their parents. Beyond the pumpkin field were drying stalks of corn and a sign marking the entrance to the maze. Haybales were positioned at various places around the walkway, and she breathed in the scent of the drying hay, remembering her time growing up on the farm. During her teenage years, she avoided barn chores, using any excuse not to help with the milking, or shovel manure, or feed the calves. She was glad her dad had her sister and young men he’d hired to help him in the barn now, but a part of her did miss that time, a much more innocent time.  

“How’s work going?”

The question was one that used to cause her stomach to clench. In the last few weeks, though, she’d helped Ben draw up wills, help close sales for properties, and watched Ben calmly walk a woman through a divorce from an abusive husband.  Working for Ben gave her more of an opportunity to help others than any other job she’d ever had. She felt like she was actually contributing to society instead of floating through it.

“It’s going well, actually. I still don’t really know what I am doing, but Ben’s been patient with me.”

Evan ordered them apple cider and donuts at the small concession stand and motioned toward a wooden bench off to one side. “How are you doing otherwise?” he asked and she noticed he positioned himself a good distance from her as they sat, practically on the other end of the bench.

“I’m doing okay, really.” She sipped her cider. “I’m sure Ellie filled you in on some things.”

He shook his head once. “No. She said it wasn’t her place to and I respect that.”

She sipped more of the apple cider, enjoying the tartness on her tongue as she considered what to say next. “I’m sorry, Evan. I don’t know why I reacted that way. Well, I do, but I shouldn’t have with you.”

He laid an arm across the back of the bench, watching her as if waiting for her to continue. Concern etched his face.

She cleared her throat. “One night a year and a half ago, a little more, a guy tried to get further with me than I wanted. I was able to get away from him but another woman, a girl really, wasn’t as lucky.” Tears pricked at her eyes. “I don’t know why he let me go and not her and maybe other women, but he did.” She laughed softly, a tear slipping down her cheek. “Of course, my knee to his groin probably didn’t do much to make him want to try to keep me there.” She drew the back of a finger across the tear. “I guess I didn’t realize how much it had all affected me. I tried to laugh it off, drink it off, and run away but it seems like it all has been catching up with me lately and hit me full force that night with you.”

He winced and reached a hand toward her, but then pulled it back again, closing his fingers into a fist briefly before letting the hand drop to the back of the bench again. “Judi, I’m sorry. If I had known, I never would have been so forward.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Evan. It was me. I tried to move faster than I was ready that night. I wanted to forget everything, and I guess I thought I could erase all the memories of him by being with you. I’m the one that is sorry.” She pulled her lower lip between her teeth briefly. “And embarrassed.”

“There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You couldn’t control that reaction, as much as you wanted to. I understand.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Well, I don’t totally understand, because I’m not you and didn’t experience what you did, but I can see how that could have triggered some negative memories.”

Judi reached out and laid her hand on his. “I just don’t want you to think that you somehow triggered anything negative. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Evan kept his arm over the back of the bench and sat the cup of cider on the seat next to him. “What happened to this guy? Did you report him or anything?”

She pushed a strand of hair back from her face and hooked it behind her ear. “No, I never did. He’s going to trial for the other woman he assaulted, though. He’s somehow out on bail and called me a few weeks ago.”

Evan’s eyebrows lifted. “He called you?”

“Yeah and he doesn’t want me to tell anyone what happened, but I’m going to. This girl’s lawyer called me a while ago. Ben and I talked to him yesterday.” She drew in a shaky breath, startled by the emotion gripping her. “I talked to the girl a few days ago. Her experience was so similar to mine, from everything he said to everything he did.” She closed her eyes briefly against the tears. “I knew she wasn’t lying.”

When she opened her eyes, Evan’s jaw had tightened, and he swallowed hard.

 “I’m scared,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “But I’m going to be with her in the courtroom. I don’t want her to feel like it’s her against him. It will be us against him.”

Evan leaned toward her, then leaned back again. “I’ll be there for you if you want me to be. I really want to hold you right now, but I don’t want to touch you unless you want me to. I talked to a therapist friend of mine and she said I shouldn’t try to make the first move in any way. I should let you tell me when it is okay for me to physically be near you.”

A smile pulled at her mouth. “You talked to a therapist about me?”

Crimson colored his cheeks. “Yeah, but I mean, I didn’t tell her your name or anything. I just told her a little bit about the situation and asked how I should handle it because I care about you and — yeah —” He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “I just told her I want to pursue a relationship with you, so I want to know how to help you heal from all of this.” He cleared his throat. “That’s why I thought it might be good to meet here where it’s a little more neutral.”

He cared enough to talk to a therapist about how to talk to her? Was this for real?

A small laugh came from her throat. “Evan McGee, I think that you really are as sweet as I’ve heard your brother is.”

He made a face. “Ew. Don’t compare me to Saint Matt. I’m not that good.”

She moved closer to him on the bench, touching a hand to his cheek. “Well, you are very close and that’s not a bad thing.” Leaning closer she lightly touched her mouth to his. “Thank you.”

He grinned, tipping his head closer to hers. “You’re welcome. And listen, we can take this slow and just hang out. We can go out to public places, or have friends over when we watch movies, or —”

She slid her hand to the back of his neck and pulled his head down to hers, pressing her mouth to this.

“Thank you,” she whispered several seconds later, her lips grazing his. “All of that sounds really nice. I’m not used to men being so nice to me so it may take me a bit to get used to it.”

He smiled. “That’s fine by me. I’m a patient man.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Is it okay if I kiss you again?”

She tilted her face toward his and they resumed their kiss, pulling apart a few minutes later when Judi heard a voice call out behind them.

“Oooh! Judi and Evan sitting on a bench, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.”

Judi glowered at Ben. “Bench doesn’t have the same ring to it, you know.”

Ben laughed. “Yeah, I know, but you’re not in a tree.”

Judi glanced at Angie beside Ben. “How about you two? Any k-i-s-s-i-n-ging between you two?”

Ben held up a hand. “That, ma’am, is privileged information.” He gestured toward a hay wagon to the right being pulled by a tractor being driven by Alex. “Anyone care for a hayride? I’m willing to ride with you two, as long as you can keep your hands off each other.”

Judi scoffed and folded her arms across her chest. “With Alex at the helm. I don’t know if I’d feel safe.”

Alex looked over his shoulder and scowled from under his hat. “I heard that, Lambert. Even over this tractor engine, which just shows everyone what a big mouth you have.”

Judi hooked her arm through Angie’s. “Come on, Angie, let’s go find the pumpkin cannons instead. We can pretend we’re shooting them at Ben and Alex.”

“Hey!” Ben cried. “What did I do?”

Evan laughed. “I don’t know, but I’m glad I wasn’t included in that list.”

Judi fell into step with Angie, glancing over her shoulder at Ben and Evan. “You think you two will be able to work things out?”

Angie smiled. “Yeah, I think so. I hope so anyhow. How about you? Will you be sticking around the area for a while?” She winked. “Maybe hanging out with Evan?”

The light feeling in her step and the way her muscles had lost their tension was a foreign, but welcome feeling to Judi.

“Yeah. I think so. I hope so anyhow.”

Epilogue

“Hey, you still coming to dinner tonight at mom’s?”

Judi paused at her car and looked up at Evan, smiling. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t wait to taste her cooking again. I have to do something quick before then, though. Meet you there?”

 “How about I pick you up. Say 5:30?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

After years of being fiercely independent, she wasn’t lying when she said she would like to be picked up. She’d also been liking Evan being home more in the last two weeks as he started a job with a local construction company.

She turned the music up as she pulled away from her apartment building, wishing the cold temperatures didn’t preclude her from sliding the window down. Half an hour later she pulled into a parking space and checked her hair and make-up, then laughed at herself. She didn’t need to worry about her hair.

She had a feeling he wouldn’t care.

The sanitary smell and squeak of her soles on the newly mopped floor reminded her of where she was and where she was headed. Her chest tightened. Hospitals weren’t her favorite place, and she wasn’t sure what reaction she’d receive.

She asked for his room number and if visitors were allowed at the nurse’s station.

The shades were open. Sunlight poured across his bed. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, trying to recapture the confidence she’d once possessed. She pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat quickly before she changed her mind.

“Hey, Jer. You’re not looking so great.”

Jerry blinked the one eye free of the bandages, grunted through bruised and scarred lips, and lifted one stitched-up hand. Judi was expecting a rude gesture, but instead, his thumb raised slowly. 

He pointed at the notepad on the small table by the bed. She handed it and a pen to him. After a few long minutes of scrawling, hampered by bandages and fingers that didn’t seem to want to bend, he pushed the pad toward her. The letters were shaky and a couple were missing, but she got the drift.

I owe you more than one. Not a beer. A soda. When I get out of here.

A smile pulled her mouth up and she looked up at him. “You definitely do. How about a root beer float down at that new ice cream place on Main? Be warned, though, I might look light a lightweight, but I can pack it away.”

A raspy laugh came from Jerry and to anyone else it might have been unnerving, but to Judi it was one of the best sounds in the world.

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 33

/ Lisa R. Howeler / 3 Comments

As always, this is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, after I edit and rewrite it, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

Let me know in the comments what you think. Or don’t. That’s okay too. *wink*

If you would prefer to read the book when it is all complete, you can pre-order a copy HERE on Amazon. It releases January 31, 2023.

Chapter 33

Ben greeted Leona and Adam inside, offering a quick ‘hello’ to Angie and William as Amelia dragged him into the kitchen to show him the paints and doll. After a brief conversation with Leona about his parents and work, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, want to come out to the barn and see the blueprints for the shop?” Adam grinned. “My brother dropped them off this morning.”

“Sure. That would be great.”

It would also him get out of the house and away from Angie and William who were sitting next to each other on the couch, talking in hushed tones. Probably wedding planning, which made his stomach turn.

Out in the barn, Adam led him to a small office built to one side, toward the back.

Ben rubbed his chin. “Hmmm. This wasn’t here the last time I was here. When did you have this built?”

“Built it myself,” Adam said with a shrug, opening the door. “Didn’t take much.”

“I thought you were supposed to be taking it easy.”

“Ah, no big deal. Few boards and some nails. The boys carried my dad’s old desk and a couple filing cabinets out and we were ready to go.”

“And you’re doing okay?”

“I am. Taking the medicine they gave me, plus taking more breaks has helped the blood pressure and the heartburn. My new cardiologist says my heart is looking good too. I hate that I scared the girls, though.”

Adam unfurled the blueprints and spread them out on the desktop. “This is the preliminary blueprint, but I like it so far. We’re going to have a showroom right up here in the front and in the back a workshop area. We’ll have storage in a separate area over here and hopefully a parking lot right here, if we can get the permits, which shouldn’t be a problem since it’s going to be right next to the Tanner’s Farm Store.”

“Oh wow. That’s a great idea. Their customers could potentially be your customers.”

“That’s what we’re thinking and Rob’s going to sell us the land at a discount. He’s excited to help us out and we’re excited to let him.”

Ben nodded, still looking at the blueprints. “Looks great. What’s the timeline?”

“Probably three months to clear the land and start construction and maybe another six months to complete the construction. Rob’s opening up a pumpkin farm this year and next year we’ll be able to market together to bring in more customers for us both.”

Ben studied the blueprints as Adam gestured. “These look great, Adam. This is really great for you.”

“It’s great for the entire family. We’re certainly excited.” Adam looked up from the prints. “Hey, I didn’t even think to ask you why you stopped by. Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“No. Not really. Honestly, I just wanted to see for myself how you were doing.”

Adam sat in the chair behind the desk. “That’s nice of you. As you can see, I’m doing well.” He leaned back in the chair, propping his arm on the desk. “I’m sure getting a glimpse of my daughter was a plus too.”

Ben held up a hand. “Adam, for one, she’s engaged and for two, she hates me.”

Adam cleared his throat. “Ben —”

“Hey boys!” Leona called from outside the barn. “Amelia wants a ride in that fancy car so William is going to give us a lift into town. Angie’s got a headache and staying home. There’s room for one more. One of you want to ride with us?”

Adam jumped up from the chair, stepped around the side of the desk, and teasingly pushed Ben aside. “Me! Me! Shotgun!”

Ben laughed as the man good-naturedly patted him on the chest on the way by.

“Have a nice ride, I’m going to head out actually. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.”

“Listen, though, I think we should talk first,” Adam said as they walked across the yard toward the driveway.

“Hurry, Pop-Pop! The train is leaving the station!”

Ben was surprised at how far Amelia’s little voice carried.

Adam snorted a laugh. “That’s what I always say to her when she’s taking too long to get ready. It’s not as funny when she turns it around on me.”

“Have fun,” Ben said. “I’ll stop by another time for that talk.”

Adam opened his mouth to say something, but Leona spoke instead. “I’ve got your coat, hon’. We better get going before the stand closes for the night.”

“Better head out,” Ben told him. “We’ll talk later.”

William held out a hand before sliding into the driver’s side of what Ben guessed was a very expensive sports car. “Ben, take care.”

“You too,” Ben said, shaking his hand.

He stood and watched the car disappear down the driveway then headed for his own car, feeling like there was a rock in his gut.

“Ben.” He turned his hand on the car door. Angie was standing on the top step of the porch. He allowed himself a quick glance at her tan capris and white v-neck shirt under a beige sweater before focusing on her eyes as she spoke. “You need to know something.”

He turned to face her, sliding his hands in his front jean pockets. “Okay.”

She folded her arms across her chest and took a deep breath, her voice calm. “I’m not who I was in high school or college. I’ve changed. I’m not the girl who falls all over the star baseball player anymore or thinks she has to sleep with someone to be worth something. I’ve grown up and I have someone else to think about now.”

He waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t he gave a quick nod. “Okay. Thank you for letting me know. Anything else?”

A breeze caught her hair, pushed strands into her face. She pushed it aside, hooking it behind her ear. “I just wanted you to know where I stand if you’re going to keep showing up here. I don’t mind you coming to see Amelia or her seeing you or your parents, but you need to know that I am not going to fall in love with you again.”

He tipped his head down and kicked at the dirt with the toe of his shoe, then looked back up at her. “Okay. I understand. Thank you for letting me and my parents see Amelia.”

He did wonder, though, how much longer they’d have that chance with Angie eventually marrying William and them all moving back to Lancaster.

She hugged her arms tighter around her. “You’re welcome.”

They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes before he finally said, “If that’s all, I’ll be heading out now.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what else you want me to say. I mean are you telling me you’re not going to fall in love with me for my benefit or yours?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, do you want me to know, or are you reminding yourself?”

Her nose wrinkled and she scoffed, waving a hand at him. “Go home, Ben.”

She turned to walk back into the house, and he stepped toward her, hands clenching at his side. “I’m just asking because if you don’t want to fall in love with me again then why even have this discussion? Why put up the disclaimer? Why not just yell at me and tell me to get lost and never come back?”

She turned back to face him, arms out to her sides. “Because Amelia loves you, okay? Because she’s your daughter and she should have some sort of relationship with you even if you are a jerk.”

“Was a jerk. I’ve changed too Angie.” He relaxed his hands, and took a deep breath. “The only thing that hasn’t changed is that I still love you. I have a feeling that maybe, deep down, you still love me.”

Her eyes flashed as her jaw tightened. “Do you really think I could still love someone who has never even apologized for walking away from me and our daughter?”

He snorted a small laugh. “How was I supposed to apologize?”

“Like how any human being apologizes when they screw up. A phone call, a visit, a carrier pigeon. Anything but cutting off all contact.”

“I didn’t cut off all contact. I sent money and gifts —”

“That’s not apologizing, Ben. There were no words exchanged, no —”

“How was I supposed to apologize for what I did, Angie? How?” Tears stung his eyes. “How do I say I’m sorry for walking away from you during one of the scariest times of your life? How do I say I’m sorry for —” His voice broke “God forgive me. For telling you to murder that beautiful baby girl before she was even born?” He looked at her, voice trembling, tears escaping down his cheeks. “I buried myself in work for almost five years, so I didn’t have to think about what a monster I was. So I didn’t have to remember everything I did wrong and how there was no way I could go back and ask you to forgive me.” He shook his head, dragging a hand across his cheek, and looked away from her. “I can’t even ask it now. I have absolutely no right to.”

A silence fell between them that only the breeze playing with the dying leaves above them filled. He stepped back, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.

“I don’t even know why we’re talking about this anyhow. You’re engaged to William.”

Her gaze drifted across the yard, toward the faded blue hills in the distance. Her voice was barely audible. “I’m not engaged to William.”

“What do you mean? You said that day here at lunch —”

“I know what I said.” She looked at him again. “I’d broken it off with William but didn’t tell anyone and I certainly wasn’t going to tell them in front of you.”

“Then why is he here?”

“He only came up here to check on dad and so we could talk to Amelia about us not being together anymore.” She pulled a strand of hair away from her face again. “I couldn’t marry him. I seem to have lost trust in men along the way. Who knows why. Ha. Ha.”

Ben swallowed hard and raked a hand through his hair. “Listen, I should go. We’re not getting anywhere here. Exchanging insults isn’t going to help anything.”

Angie took a step forward, arms still folded across her chest. “You asked God to forgive you just now. Was that real? And you said you’d pray for my dad. Did you mean that too? Are you really praying to God? If so, which God?”

He let out a quick breath. “The God of Abraham. Elohim. Jireh. The God you and I were raised to believe in but ran away from for so many years.”

“You want me to believe that you suddenly turned over a new leaf and to God?”

A faint smile tugged at his mouth. “No, not suddenly. Gradually.” He tossed his hands out to his side and then dropped them again. “You don’t have to believe me. I know where my heart is. I know that God has been guiding me to peace in my life. I don’t have to prove that to you, even though I wish I could somehow.” He placed his hands at his waist. “I wish I could show you what God has come to mean to me. I wish I could show you how much I still love you in one big gesture, but I can’t. There will never be a gesture big enough to show you how much I’ve loved you all these years.”

She lifted her chin slightly. “Even when you slept with Bridgett?”

He made a face. “I never slept with Bridgett.”

“Your friend Sam told me you did.”

“That I did what? Stayed over at her house?”

“He said you spent the night with her. I know what that means.”

He laughed softly. “Yeah, that I spent the night with her. Asleep. On her couch. While she slept in her room. I was drunk. I showed up at her place, thinking I could forget you if I slept with someone else. She sent me to the couch, woke me up the next morning and told me to get out and get my act together. She also told me to go find you and apologize for being the worst boyfriend in the world because it was clear I was still in love with you.”

“She thought that?”

“She knew that.” He focused his gaze on her eyes. “I was still in love with you and I still am. How many times do I have to say it?”

“You’ve had a funny way of showing it,” she said, hugging her arms tighter around her.

He walked slowly toward her, closing the gap between them. “You would never have believed me if I’d come to you back then and told you anything that I’m telling you now and I doubt you even believe me now.” Standing a couple of inches from her, he reached up and cupped his hand against her face, taking in a sharp breath at the softness of her skin against his hand, at touching her for the first time in almost five years other than that day in the barn. “Do you believe me, Angie? Do you believe I still love you?”

Her gaze dropped to his mouth, and he took that as a sign that she was comfortable with him standing so close, maybe even with him kissing her. He wanted desperately to kiss her.

He moved his head slowly toward hers, testing the water. When she didn’t pull away but instead closed her eyes, he lowered his mouth to hers, capturing it gently, seeking her permission with his action. He expected her to pull away, maybe even slap him, but she didn’t. She let him kiss her and when he pulled back slightly, she opened her eyes, looked at him for a few seconds, then leaned forward again and pressed her mouth to his, sliding her arms around his neck.

He moved his hand to the back of her head, buried his fingers in her hair, and slid his arm around her lower back, pulling her against him. The second the kiss deepened, though, she pulled back, dropped her hands to his chest and pushed him gently away from her.

“No. I can’t do this. Not right now. I mean —” She shook her head slowly, looking at the ground, as if trying to wake up from a dream. “I need some time to think.”

He nodded once, sliding his hands into his jeans pockets again. “Do you want me to stay away?”

“No. You can come to see Amelia and my parents. Just — Just give me some time, okay?”

“Yeah. I can do that. I’m sorry — I shouldn’t have —”

She held her hand up, taking a couple steps back. “No. It’s okay. I just need some time to process.”

He watched her walk back into the house, fingertips to her lips, and wondered if the kiss had affected her as much as it had him.