A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season Chapter 8

Welcome to the eighth chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but will be fully edited once it is complete.

You can catch up on chapters HERE.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.

Chapter 8

Robert stood back and inspected his work.

His hands ached from the cold. Holding a paint brush wearing gloves had proved too difficult.

The swing itself was ready to go but there were still bolts to be added to attach the chain the swing would hang from. He planned to swing by the hardware store later in the day and see if they were in yet. For now, he had to swing by the house and grab the lunch that Annie had made for his mother and drive it down to her.

When the lunch was retrieved, along with a quick hug from Annie who was on her way to church to finish decorating for the Christmas Eve service, he drove up the hill to his mother’s house, shooing away chickens as he walked down her sidewalk. While the rest of the farm operation had gone to Robert and Walt, Franny had opted to keep a flock of chickens and dutifully fed them and collected their eggs each morning. She said it would give her something to do and a reason for the family to still come visit her if they knew she had all the fresh eggs.

Robert shook his head and laughed. As if they wouldn’t visit her if the chickens weren’t there.

He knocked gently on the front door before opening it. “Mom? I’ve got some lunch for you.”

“I know you do. Get on in here.”

The house was warm, cozy, and smelled of fresh bread – just like when he’d been growing up. A fire was roaring in the woodstove and Robert smiled, knowing she’d loaded it herself this morning from wood Alex and Jason had cut up for her. She was getting older, but she could still outwork most people half her age.

Across from the woodstove in the other corner was a small fake tree that he knew Molly and Alex had helped her decorate the week before. It was sitting in a stand his father had made for a real tree. Franny had said she didn’t have the energy or patience to clean up pine needles any more so she’d purchased the fake tree.

Family photos dotted the wall next to the tree and Robert let his gaze slide over them as he took off his coat and muddy boots. The photo of him, his dad, his brother Walt and his sister Hannah caught his attention as he pulled off his second boot. They were standing in front of the cow barn. He had been about 16, his brother 14 and Hannah 11.

The three of them had never known a life without hard work and determination, with a little bit of heartache thrown in. They’d never known a life without the joy of seeing the good results of all those aspects of life either. Farming wasn’t easy, but it was rewarding in more ways than providing a living.

The lessons Robert had learned and passed down to his children were more valuable than any check from the milking company or from the bottom line at the store. There were some days, however, he had to remind himself of that.

“You coming in or did you fall asleep standing up?”

His mother had stepped into the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, a small smile tugging at her mouth.

He closed the door behind him and headed toward the kitchen. “I’m guessing Annie called to let you know I was bringing you lunch.”

Franny set two plates on the table. “She did, and I made some biscuits to go with it. You’re eating with me, aren’t you?”

He laid the containers of food on the table. “I had planned on it, yes, and I’m even more willing now that I know you made biscuits. I hope you didn’t go to the trouble of homemade.”

Franny huffed out a breath. “Robert Theodore when have you ever known me to make biscuits out of a box or can?”

He laughed and held up a hand as if to defend her verbal blow. “Never.”

“Exactly. Now sit yourself down. I’m sure you’re more than ready to eat after the long days Annie says you’ve been pulling lately.”

He sat as she instructed, taking her hand as she sat to his right and said a quick blessing.

The interrogation began as he served her mashed potatoes and stew fried chicken.

“So what’s been keeping you out so late these days?”

He knew she was fishing for information on how the farm was doing. “This and that. Odds and ends. Like always.”

“Did you get the heat fixed in the barn?”

“We did. It took a bit but got it working before the temps dropped down this week.”

“Walt said it was the second time this month. Did you call the people who put it in and tell them?”

Robert smiled. “I did, yes. They’re coming out Friday to take a look.”

Franny gave a satisfied nod. “Good. They should fix it at no cost. It’s been nothing but trouble since they put it in.” She paused long enough to butter her biscuit and take a bite. “Now, I have something I want to talk to you about. I’d preferred if Annie was here too, but I think I’ll go ahead and take the opportunity since I actually have you in front of me.”

He nodded. “Go ahead.”

“I don’t know if Molly mentioned to you what I talked to her and Alex about last week.”

He shook his head and took another bite of chicken. “She didn’t.”

“I’m thinking of moving into Shady Pines next year.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You are? Why?”

“I think it’s time to pass this house on to someone else.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Molly and Alex.”

He coughed gently. “Excuse me?”

“Robert, don’t be naïve. You know that boy is going to eventually get up the courage and propose to your daughter and when he does and they finally get married, they’re going to need a place to stay. This house is perfect as a starter house. Somewhere for them to raise some children.”

He set his fork down on his plate. “But do you really want to move off the farm into town? The houses down there are pretty close together.”

“Well, yes, they are, but at my age it might be good to have people close by.”

“Mom, if you’re really determined to give this house to Molly, you know you’re welcome to come live with me and Annie.”

Franny made a face. “Oh, Robert, you know we’d never survive living together again. Plus, you and Annie are finally alone again. You don’t need your mother breaking in on kissing sessions.”

Robert laughed. “We’d adapt. We can make sure our kissing sessions only happen after you’ve gone to bed. Like when we were teenagers.”

Franny laughed with him. “Listen, it’s something to think about anyhow. I’ll think about your offer, but I really believe that moving into town will be good for me. It will be a change and I’ll be closer to Leon and Eleanor and we can play cards together without them having to worry about driving home from here late at night. Leon’s eyesight isn’t what it used to be.”

Robert knew his father-in-law’s eyesight wasn’t as good as it had once been. He’d started saying so himself.

“Okay, let’s think on it, then. It’s not like we have to make a decision right away. We don’t even know if Alex is planning on proposing any time soon.”

Franny sipped from her glass of water. “I hope sooner.” She looked around the kitchen, letting her gaze drift into the living room. “The place will need some fixing up, but I think you’ve trained Alex enough over these last six years for him to be able to handle it.”

The idea of his mom no longer living up the road from him left a funny feeling in Robert’s chest – a feeling that was a mixture of sadness and fear. What if his mom needed him? It would take him 20 extra minutes to get to her instead of the five it took now. What if she developed health problems and what if –.  

He took a deep breath, held it a few seconds and let it out quietly. There would always be what ifs and they could address each of them as they each came up. Plus, moving her in with him and Annie was something he and Annie had already discussed in the last year or so. He knew Franny could be a challenge, but taking care of her in her later years would be something he’d be glad to do after all she’d done for him over the years.

***

It had been three days since the doctor had told him to rest and Alex couldn’t stay at the house any longer. For one, Matt had invited Liz over and Bella was with her grandparents. The couple probably wanted some time alone to watch a movie and snuggle together on the couch. More importantly, though, he had to finish the paint job on the truck.

Bert had already installed the engine and was finishing it up today – if a part he needed arrived that was.  

“It’s about time you got here,” Bert said as soon as he walked in the door. “I just had to have Troy chase off Molly by telling her that Hannah needed to talk to her about how they’re going to handle the situation at the store without the freezers for another week. It wasn’t a lie, but still – it was a close call. She almost walked back here.”

Alex worked to take off his coat, grimacing with each movement.  “Thanks for keeping her away. I appreciate it.”

Bert frowned. “What’s up with you? You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”

“A concrete floor actually. I fell through the roof of the calving barn last week.”

“Oh man. So that was the accident you were talking about. I’m surprised you’re walking. How did the calves fare?”

“They’re completely fine. Little buggers just wanted to know what I was doing in their sleeping area.” He tossed his coat over a chair and reached for the spray paint can. “Now let’s get these doors painted so I can finish the rest of the truck in the next few days. How is it going with the engine?”

Bert winced. “Still need one part. A supplier about three hours away has it but doesn’t have a truck coming until the end of the week.”

Alex didn’t like the sound of that. “Maybe we’re not going to make it.”

Bert  slapped a hand hard on Alex’s back. “Now, now, my boy let’s not be negative.”

Alex groaned. “I could be more positive if you stop slamming your hand on my sore back.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.” Bert wiped some grease off a car part and laid down to slide under the truck. “So, have you thought anymore about that whole proposal thing?”

Alex placed a painting mask and respirator over his face. “You know, I’d like to talk about it but I don’t think you’ll be able to hear me well under this mask so I’m going to get to work.”

“What?” Bert called from under the truck.

“Exactly,” Alex mumbled glad to have avoided the topic again.

A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season Chapter 7

Welcome to the seventh chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but will be fully edited once it is complete.

You can catch up on chapters HERE.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.

Chapter 7

There had been more than one Christmas over the years when Annie and Robert had questioned if they’d be able to provide gifts for the children. Farming didn’t always provide a consistent income. Some years weather made bringing in a profit a challenge. Other years it might be sick cows, falling down buildings, or broken equipment.

That inconsistency had certainly taken its toll on the family’s emotions over the years, but Robert felt like it had also brought them closer. Annie had certainly been his one constant during all the turmoil, besides God.

Christ had been the ultimate anchor for both of them. Without him and his provision, they never would have made it through the trials, the heartbreaks, and the day-to-day uncertainty of life as a farmer.

The seats at Grace Community Church were soft now, unlike when Robert had first started attending twenty years ago. Hard pews had filled the sanctuary back then. They had been pews his own father had helped build, along with the rest of the church, sometime in the early 1960s. Robert couldn’t remember the exact date the church was built but he could remember that for years he had no interest in attending church. He’d been too busy and too independent to think about God in high school and afterward. During those difficult first years with Annie, he’d relied on his own strength to make it through, rarely asking for help from God or thanking him.

That change came slowly, so slowly he thought Annie might give up and walk away, taking the children with him, when he refused to go to church with her. She never gave up hope, though. She prayed for him, loved him, and kept inviting him. It wasn’t a rock bottom moment that sent him back to the hard pews at Grace Community.  It was love and a realization that there was more to life than getting up and milking cows, working on the farm all day, milking cows again, and falling asleep early in the evening just to start it all over again. It was the beauty of the sunrise and the sunsets.

The days he thought he wasn’t going to make it and the farm wasn’t going to make it but they did. It was the smile of his daughter, the laughter of his son, and the feel of his wife’s arms around him. He knew all those blessings couldn’t be something he’d earned or something he deserved. Someone greater than him had given him it all as a gift and he needed to start thanking that someone. It was the same God his parents had raised him to believe in, but he had rejected not out of anger but simple apathy.

Standing outside the church, Robert leaned leaning back against his truck and waited for Annie to stop chatting with town librarian Ginny Jefferies and her husband, Stan. He took a deep breath and took in the view of the church, decorated inside and out to celebrate the birth of Christ. It reminded him that no matter what happened with his gift for Annie, Christ was the ultimate gift of Christmas. The joy and peace He brought to his and Annie’s life could never be matched with physical, earthly gifts.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as Annie walked toward him, her Bible tucked in her arm, against her chest.

“What’s so funny?”

“Funny?”

“You look like you’re going to laugh.”

He shook his head. “Nothing’s funny. Our life is just beautiful. As beautiful and wonderful as you are.”

Annie’s eyebrows raised. “Wow. That’s sweet of you. What did I do to deserve such praise?”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Just by being yourself.”

She leaned back and looked up at him, eyes glistening. Reaching up, she laid a gloved hand against his cheek, and then, without a word, she kissed him, where anyone walking out of the church and to their cars could see them. Robert was sure no one would be offended by the public display of affection. Couples their age would be glad to see an older couple who wasn’t embarrassed to show their love for each other. The younger couples would probably smile and say –

“I hope we’re still in love like that when we’re their age.”

Jason snorted a laugh and Robert pulled back from the kiss and made a face at him. Ellie’s arm was looped through Jason’s and she tapped her husband’s arm with a gentle admonishment.

Robert motioned his son away. “Go on, ya’ whippersnapper. Get on out of here and let an old couple have a kiss.”

Annie playfully tapped his shoulder. “Old? Speak for yourself.”

She winked and pulled out of his embrace to head to the car, sliding her hand down to his. “Come on, old man. We can pick up our kissing session when we get home.” She looked over her shoulder at Jason and Ellie and winked. “Now that all our children are out of the house and living their own lives, we have more private time for such things.”

Inside the car, she pulled her gloves off, laid them on her lap, and intertwined her fingers with his. He raised her hand and kissed it before shifting the car into gear and heading out of the parking lot and down the road toward home.

***

Another searing pain shot from Alex’s lower back to his upper. He gritted his teeth and clutched the side of the bed. The painkillers he’d taken two hours ago weren’t even touching the pain and he was beginning to reluctantly agree with Molly that he might need to visit a doctor. The pain was coming in spasms now. No surprise since he’d fallen from a height of maybe ten feet. He was lucky he hadn’t broken any bones.

Robert and Annie had urged him to go to a doctor, but he’d declined. He had, however, accepted a couple of ice packs after a hot shower and a warm cup of tea made by Molly. The attention she’d given him, checking on him every hour before he fell asleep, then checking again first thing in the morning, had been nice too.

What wasn’t as nice was the fact he’d missed the tree lighting and then the church – which he’d finally started attending with the family about six months ago – and three days of working on the truck. Molly had connected by video with him for the tree lighting, which also included caroling. She also filled him in on the sermon. Caroling had never been his thing in the past, but for some reason, hearing the hundred or so people gathered around the tree sing Silent Night had caused his throat to tighten with emotion. He’d desperately wanted to be there with Molly in that moment, though he wasn’t sure if he’d been able to hold back the tears. He must be getting old with all these sentimental emotions rearing their ugly heads.

He hadn’t necessarily understood everything Molly shared with him about the sermon, but living in the hopeful spirit of Christmas beyond the actual season had made sense to him.

“Pastor Joe said Christmas is something we can always carry with us in our heart because Christ’s love is something that will be with us no matter the time of year,” Molly told him. “Being a Christian is an all-year-round celebration. Not simply a once or twice a year event.”

All of that made sense to Alex, even as he was still trying to figure out what being a follower of Christ meant.

Bert had found almost all the parts they needed for the engine, pulled off the bumpers to be replaced with new ones, and even found a new pair of headlights. He was leaving the rest of the paint job for Alex. That was if Alex could figure out how to move off the bed without pain spasming through his back.

The door to his bedroom opened as the latest spasm eased up. He raised his eyes slowly and squinted at Jason and his roommate, Matt McGee, standing in the hallway looking in.

“Yep.” Jason nodded. “You’re right, Matt. He looks like garbage.”

Matt folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the doorframe. “I told you. Now we’re going to have to do something about it.”

Alex glared. “Both of you go away.” The last thing he needed right now was their harassment.

Matt stepped into the room and stood over him, hands on his hips. If Alex didn’t know him so well he might have looked intimidating standing there in full uniform for his job as a police officer with the Spencer Police Department.

“Come on, Stone. We’re taking you to the doctor.”

“No. You are not.”

Jason stepped behind Matt and looked over his shoulder. “I’m going to take one arm and Matt is going to take the other and we’re going to hoist you into Ellie’s car, so you don’t have to climb up into my truck, and I’m driving you to town.” He stepped around Matt and wrapped a large hand around Alex’s bicep. “Now come on, we’re not taking no for an answer.”

Alex groaned as he sat up and then let them both swing his arms around their shoulders. “I need shoes and my wallet.” He winced. “And maybe a tranquilizer like we used on the bull last year.”

“One step at a time, bud,” Matt said with a smile. “You can do this.”

“Yeah,” Jason added. “We need you to get better, so I don’t have to keep doing all your work.”

Half an hour later Alex tightened his jaw against the pain as the doctor helped him from the exam table.

Dr. Cartagenese handed him a prescription. “Like I said the best medicine for this, besides these muscle relaxants is bed rest. At least five days worth. I know you work at the Tanners and they aren’t good about resting when they’re injured or sick.” He winked. “Don’t be like them, okay?”

No way. He didn’t have five days to lay in bed.

“Thanks, Doc. I’ll take that into consideration.”  

Outside in the passenger seat of Liz’s car, though, he’d already considered it, and he was going to give himself two days to rest, and then it was back to working on the truck or he’d never get it completed by Christmas.

Jason closed the car door for him and walked back to the driver’s seat.

“What’d he say?” he asked as he started the car.

Alex sat back in the seat slowly. “He gave me muscle relaxants and if it doesn’t get better he wants me to have x-rays.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah. Bedrest, but I’m not going to do that.”

“If bed rest will help you heal faster, you probably should.”

“Don’t have time.”

“I can pick up your work at the farm. It’s no problem. I can’t remember you taking more than a couple sick days in the entire time you’ve worked with us.”

Alex gritted his teeth against the pain again, closing his eyes. He let out a breath a few minutes later as the pain lessened again. “It’s not that. I’m working on a gift for Molly. I need to get it done.” He glanced at Jason. “You can’t tell Molly, okay? It’s a surprise.”

Jason’s eyebrows raised and he tipped his head down a bit to encourage Alex to continue.

“A surprise for Christmas.”

A small smile started to play across Jason’s lips. “Oh yeah?”

Not Jason too. “It’s not what you might think. I’m fixing up your grandpa’s truck for her.”

Jason turned onto Main Street to head out of town. “Oh. Hey. That’s great.” He genuinely looked pleased. “What all are you doing to it?

“New paint job, new engine. The works. Almost all of my savings is going into it.”

“What else needs to be done?”

“I have the body sanded and two doors painted. I need to get the body finished. Bert is going to help some but he’s also finishing up the engine and he’s got a full shop of cars that need to be worked on for actual customers.”

Jason shrugged. “I can help.”

Alex closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. “You’ve got enough work to do.”

“I can take some time away from the farm to help with the truck.” He gently tapped Alex’s shoulder with his fist. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure my sister knows it was your idea and you did most of the work.”

“Me and Bert actually.”

“You and Bert. Okay.” A sly smirk pulled at the corners of Jason’s mouth. “Sooooo. You’re not planning any other surprises for Molly, are you?”

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Like what?

Jason held up his left hand and pointed to his ring finger. “You know.”

Alex groaned. “Put your hands back on the wheel and no! Not you too! First Bert then Franny and now you. What is it with you Tanners?”

Jason laughed. “Well, what can I say? Great minds think alike, buddy.”

Alex looked out the window at the houses flying by, many of them decorated with bright lights for Christmas. He hated the idea of being laid up at the house, unable to work on the farm or the truck. He hadn’t always been a hard worker, but for the last six years since moving to Pennsylvania, all he’d known was hard work. Silence settled over the truck as his mind drifted to a mental list of all the work he still had to do before Christmas.

“So, are you?”

Jason’s question pulled him from his thoughts. “Am I what?”

Jason cleared his throat. “Proposing to Molly.”

Alex rolled his eyes up to the ceiling of the truck. “That wasn’t part of the plan, no.”

Jason nodded. “Okay, well if it does become part of the plan, I want you to know —” He reached over and gripped Alex’s shoulder with one hand and squeezed gently. “You have my blessing. I know I harass you and Molly about your relationship but you’re my best friend, and there’s no one else I’d like to have as my brother-in-law.”

Alex nodded. “Thank you, Jase. I appreciate that. I do.”

Jason turned the heat up and the radio on. “Listen, I’m going to head down to Bert’s in the morning after I go to the gym. I’ll see what I can help with. At least take it easy a couple of days. No man is an island, Stone. Don’t be like us Tanners. Take the help when it’s offered.”

Alex grimaced against the pain. “At this point, I really don’t have a choice.”

A Christmas in Spencer: Beyond the Season, Chapter 4

Welcome to the fourth chapter of a twelve-chapter story I am sharing on the blog. This is being shared with minimal editing, just for fun, but will be fully edited once it is complete.

You can catch up on chapters HERE.

If you would like to read more about the characters in this story, you can find full-length novels on Amazon for purchase or on Kindle Unlimited HERE,

The first three chapters of the first book, The Farmer’s Daughter, can be found HERE.

Once all the chapters have been shared here, I’ll be providing a free Book Funnel link to blog readers and placing the story on Amazon for 99 cents.

Chapter 4

“Don’t be shy, Alex. Have some more of those mashed potatoes. I made plenty.”

It wasn’t like Alex not to have an appetite when he visited Franny, but today her encouragement to eat more only made him feel sicker. The idea of piling more food on top of what he’d already eaten, pushing it past the knots there, made him want to excuse himself and run outside to breathe in a couple mouthfuls of fresh air.

He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to somehow get him alone and launch questions at him about when he was going to propose to Molly and why he hadn’t already, and where he was in his relationship with God.

He reached for his glass of water and drank half of it to try to settle his stomach.

“You okay, young man?” The older woman looked at him with lowered eyebrows. “You’re very pale today.”

Alex laughed, hoping she couldn’t hear the apprehension in his voice. “I’m fine. Dinner is great. Thank you, Franny.”

He’d long abandoned calling her Mrs. Tanner. Every time he’d tried when he had first moved to the area to live with Jason, she’d reminded him, “Family calls me Franny and you’re family now, so drop the Mrs., mister.”

Sitting across from him now in her small kitchen, she quirked an eyebrow. “You coming down with something? You been getting enough sleep?”

She reached out and pressed her hand against his forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”

“Franny, I promise. I’m okay. Just tired from work, that’s all.”

She didn’t look like she believed him, but she sat back in her chair and continued eating. He was grateful when Molly took the attention off him.

“Grandma, I can’t remember the story behind that Big Ben ornament on the tree. Didn’t Grandpa bring it back for you from London?”

Franny nodded. “He did. He visited there on his way to Germany for training before the war and picked it up in a little shop. He sent it home and said he couldn’t wait to be home to put it on the next year’s tree with me.” A faint smile pulled at her mouth as she looked over Molly’s shoulder into the living room. “He missed that Christmas but he was home for the next one to help Walt hang it.”

She pulled her gaze from the ornament and laughed softly. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to have a good cry. It’s a wonderful memory and I’m working on remembering the happy moments. My memories help to keep him alive.”

Molly reached across the table and squeezed her grandmother’s hand. “There are a lot of good memories for us all.”

Franny stood and took Alex’s empty plate, heading toward the sink. “So how is the old truck fairing. Does Bert think he’ll be able to fix it?”

Alex’s chest constricted. He cleared his throat and started to answer.

“He won’t answer his phone and he never seems to be in when I stop,” Molly answered instead.

Alex wiped his mouth with a napkin to hide a smile. Bert was doing his best to help keep the project a surprise and he appreciated it. He wasn’t sure how much longer the secret would stay a secret, though. Molly was a determined woman.

Franny picked up Molly’s plate next. “Well, I’m sure if it was bad news, he’d let you know.” She placed the plate in the sink. “Hannah tells me they’re going to make Aunt Dianne’s sausage balls to sell in the café in the next couple of weeks.”

Molly walked to the sink. “Yes, she is. She thinks the customers will love them. Now, you go sit. I’m going to get these dishes done for you before we leave.” She looked over her shoulder at Alex, talking before Franny could protest about her doing the dishes. “Dianne was Franny’s aunt from North Carolina. She made sausage balls and fudge every Christmas and would bring them up when she and her husband came to visit. You remember the sausage balls from last year, don’t you?”

Alex stood and walked to the sink. “I definitely do. They were amazing.” He reached for the stopper for the side of the sink in front of him. “Let me help you with the dishes.”

Franny gasped. “Oh my, Molly Tanner. You need to keep this man. Look at him. Offering to do dishes with you.” Alex turned to look at her and she winked. “Bet he’s just doing it to be close to you.”

She sighed as Alex shook his head, grinning, and turned back to the sink. “You know, I did want to talk to you two about something.”

His chest tightened again. Oh boy. Here it came.

“I’ve been thinking about moving into Shady Pines, what do you two think about that?”

They both turned from the sink. That was the same community Molly’s other grandparents were living in.

“What’s got you thinking about that?” Molly asked, a plate in one hand and a dishcloth in the other.

“You two have me thinking about that.”

Molly tipped her head to one side. “What do we have to do with it?”

“Because one day I want to give you two this house.” She moved her gaze to Alex. “If Alex ever gets around to proposing.”

And there it was.

He glanced at Molly as warmth crept into his cheeks. Her cheeks were flushed as well. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, took a breath, and tried again.

“That’s really nice Grandma, but there’s no rush. I mean, I don’t think this is something you have to do right away. I mean . . .”

He really should save Molly from this awkward moment but he had no idea what to say. He turned back to the sink like a coward and poured dish soap into Molly’s side of the sink.

Franny laughed softly “I’m hoping it’s something that I’ll need to think about sooner rather than later, but I’m sure I have some time.”

The elderly woman’s answer made him want to laugh and cry at the same time. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been thinking about how much he wanted to marry Molly. He thought about it often, daily lately. He simply hadn’t planned on any kind of proposal right now. For one thing, Christmas proposals were so cliché. For another thing, he didn’t have a ring yet. And third, Molly had been a Christian her whole life and he’d only just started to figure out a relationship with God. He wasn’t even close to being worthy of her or her family.

Molly laughed nervously. “Now, Grandma, you already got Jason married off. How about you work on another one of your grandchildren next?”

Franny snorted. “My other grandchildren are 13 and 16, except for Bradly and he doesn’t have any prospects right now. You, however, do and he’s a good prospect so I think you’re closer than the rest of them.” She sighed again. “But I shouldn’t be pressuring you. You two will get married when you’re good and ready. When you do, though, I want you to know that this house is yours. If you want it.”

He glanced over his shoulder briefly to see Molly kissing Franny’s cheek. “Thank you, Grandma. We appreciate it.”

The drive back to the farm an hour later was quiet to begin with until he finally cleared his throat. “Your grandma sure is blunt, isn’t she?”

Molly laughed and propped her feet on the dashboard, hugging her arms around her knees. “She definitely is, but she means well.” She raised her shoulders briefly and dropped them again. “Anyhow, the town tree lighting is Saturday. I don’t usually go but I thought it might be nice this year. You want to go with me?”

He was thankful she’d changed the subject. “Of course, I would. That sounds like fun. As long as you don’t make me sing carols.”

She smiled as she looked at him. “I’ve heard you sing in the barn. Don’t worry. I wouldn’t request you do that in public.”

He burst into laughter, pressing his closed hand gently against her shoulder. “Ha. Ha. You’re no Carrie Underwood either, Princess.”

She tipped her head back and laughed, reminding him of how perfect she was for him, how perfect they were for each other and how he really could see himself spending the rest of his life with her.

***

The shed smelled like paint and pain to Robert.

Paint as he painted the boards for the swing and pain as he realized he only had three more weeks to assemble the boards he had smoothed and shaped. Then there were those bolts. They still hadn’t arrived. Terry was busy calling other suppliers for him. Hopefully, it would all come together.

It wasn’t the end of the world if the project wasn’t completed by Christmas. He knew that. He could simply tell Annie what he’d been working on and let her know it would be finished when the bolts came in. He really wanted to have the swing done and hung for Christmas, though. He wanted to sit on it with Annie Christmas night, his arm around her shoulder, her side pressed to his, looking out on a snow-covered farm.

Finishing it was still the plan and he was going to stick with the plan until he absolutely had to admit defeat. For now, though, it was time to lock up the shed and head back to the house. There was a family dinner planned and then decorating the tree and the house. He and Jason had already cut down a tree and brought it into the house. Now his children, Alex, and Jason’s wife, Ellie, would help decorate it as part of an annual tradition.

Jason’s truck was in the drive when he pulled up and Alex pulled in a few seconds later. He greeted Alex, learned that Molly was on her way with Liz, and the two men walked into the house to chase away the chilly December air, grateful that temperatures had warmed a little at least.

Inside he pulled his coat off, gave Ellie a hug and then headed from the entryway to the kitchen to give his wife a kiss and hug as she finished up dinner.

Half an hour later, they were all sitting around the table, and he found himself looking at the faces of those he loved with emotion catching in his throat. Liz’s little girl Bella giggled and clapped her hands at the end of the prayer, and he couldn’t help agreeing with her joy. Annie was one of the best cooks around. He couldn’t wait to dig into the mashed potatoes to his right and the fried pork chops on a plate in front of him.

Jason reached for the pork chops and Alex reached for the mashed potatoes, which reminded him he had to move fast with these two around. They might clear the whole table of food before he was able to help himself to one morsel.

Thankfully that didn’t happen and before long it was time to decorate the tree, which could start only after slices of Annie’s apple pie were cut and cups of cocoa and coffee were poured.

Molly held out a hand toward her brother. “Jason, hand me that garland over there.”

Jason held up a hand, palm out. “We need to get the lights on first. Slow your roll.”

“Did you untangle them even?”

“I’m doing that now, as you can see.”

“Let me help –” Molly took a step forward.

“No, you’ll just confuse me. I’ll get them untangled by myself.” He jerked his head toward the kitchen. “Go get the stool so we can start from the top and work our way down when I get them straightened out.”

Molly huffed out a sigh and headed toward the kitchen for the stool while Robert sat in his chair and smiled. Just like old times. Arguing and bickering. Eventually, though, there’d be laughter and peaceful quiet as they all sat to take in their handiwork and let the spirit of Christmas wash over them.

Ten minutes later Robert had just taken a bite of his pie just as Molly started screaming. Screaming wasn’t usually part of the decorating. He jumped to his feet in time to see a furry creature leap toward Molly, scurrying across her shoulder, and down her back to the floor.

The blur of brown took off across the carpet then ran up the back of the couch, clearing it of Annie, Liz, and Ellie who all uttered horrified cries and squeals of their own. Liz snatched Bella off the floor and Robert watched the squirrel jump to the floor, spin in circles a few times and then dart out of the living room into the kitchen.

Jason burst into laughter as Robert followed the terrified creature. “I guess we should have checked the tree for occupants before we brought it in.”

Robert found a broom and opened the back door, searching for the squirrel. In the living room, the women were giggling over their reactions.

“I can’t believe I screamed like that!”

“Did you see that thing fly off me?!”

“Isabella looks confused.”

“Where did it even go?”

When he found the squirrel huddling under the table, he poked at it gently with the broom, which sent it scurrying not through the open door like he’d hoped, but back into the living room.

“Incoming!”

Molly squealed with laughter. “Here it comes again! Jason grab it!”

“I’m not just going to grab it! They carry diseases!”

“I’ll grab it.”

“Alex, don’t!”

Robert shook his head and walked back into the living room with the broom while Annie opened the front door. The squirrel must have sensed the portal to freedom because he darted back and forth a few times across the floor in front of it and then outside onto the front porch.

Robert closed the door, and everyone dissolved into laughter again.

Annie wiped a hand against her cheek, clearing tears of laughter. “That certainly was a first. Is everyone okay?”

Everyone agreed that they were, and the decorating continued, with Molly, Jason, and Alex occasionally checking to make sure there were no more creatures still living in the tree.

Outside the window snow drifted down in large, fluffy flakes, hitting the ground and immediately melting. A white Christmas might not happen this year, but looking around the room at his family, Robert didn’t mind. There didn’t need to be snow on the ground outside for him to feel the warmth and love of his family inside.

                                 
Once again, he felt his throat thicken with emotion, grateful that he was still here to experience another Christmas season with his family.

After everyone had gone home, Robert slid his arm around Annie as they sat together on the couch in the colorful glow of the tree. Wasn’t it only yesterday that Molly and Jason were here with them, stretched out under the tree, looking up at it and talking about their Christmas wishes? Wasn’t it only yesterday that Robert’s dad was coming over to share with him his Christmas gift ideas for the kids with delight in his eyes?

So much had changed over the years. His dad was gone. The kids were moved out on their own.

He pulled Annie closer and tucked her head under his chin. At least he still had Annie with him, and the kids would be here on Christmas, along with their significant others, and his mom, brother, sister and their spouses, as well as his nieces and nephews. The house would feel full again. As full as his heart was now as he held on to the good memories and looked forward to making more this Christmas and beyond.

Christmas in Spencer Valley: Beyond the Season Chapter 1

Welcome to a Christmas short story with the characters from Spencer Valley. I thought it might be fun to revisit Robert and Annie, Molly, Alex, Jason, Ellie and others around Christmas time and share the story here on the blog for 12 days leading up to Christmas. I’ll share a new chapter each day for 12 days. I hope it will be a fun walk through the winter in Spencer for all of us.

Without further ado . . .

Chapter 1

Cold bit at Robert Tanner’s skin, stung his lungs and made him wish he could stay inside under a blanket with a warm cup of coffee. Instead, pulled his winter cap down further on his head and stepped out into the cold.

Between the house and the barn, snow swirled wildly, darkening the sky, and making it feel like dusk instead of late afternoon.

Inside the barn it was warm, and he was grateful for it, even if his arrival did mean he’d have to start cleaning out the cow’s sleeping area and preparing the second milking of the day.

Truthfully, his mind was far away from the tasks of the day, consumed with a gift he hoped to have completed for his wife of 32 years by Christmas.

He couldn’t even believe it had been 32 years.

It felt like it had only been a day ago when they’d held hands in front of the minister and all of their friends and family in a small country church. Her soft brown hair had been shaped into curls and hung down, framing her delicate features. Looking at her he had felt as if his heart would explode out of his chest.

He’d felt the same way a year and a half ago when he woke up from a coma and saw her looking down at him, tears in her eyes as she smiled.

The barn door opened as he reached for a pitchfork, a cold wind blowing in with his son Jason.

Jason tossed a wrench into the toolbox on the far wall and started pulling his gloves off. “I think I fixed the tractor. Again. For now. Whichever.”

“Just in time since it looks like the weather app might be right this time. Carburetor again?”

“No. Oil line was plugged. How much do you think we’ll get?”

“Who knows. Probably only a couple of inches. Too early for a big one”

Jason leaned back against a stall and reached for the tumbler of coffee he’d brought with him to the barn this morning. “I got that lumber and unloaded it into the shed in the lower field like you asked.”

Robert tipped his head in a quick nod as he began cleaning out a stall. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Should I even ask what it’s for?”

Robert smiled and winked at his son. “Not unless you want me to add more work to your list.”

Jason sipped the coffee and smiled. “Nah, I’ve got enough to do. I’m going to start prepping the cows.”

Robert nodded and continued to work. He wasn’t ready to tell anyone about his plans yet. If he did, they’d probably offer to do it for him, worried he’d overdo, which was something they needed to stop worrying about.

While he still limped from the broken leg that hadn’t healed correctly, he’d almost fully recovered from the stroke he’d suffered during surgery on his cracked pelvis. He understood and appreciated their concern. His family had been so used to protecting him for the last sixteen months, they didn’t know how not to.

 He understood that, but this was a project he wanted to do on his own – something he hoped would show Annie how important she was to him.

***

Snow fell fast, peppering the ground around Alex Stone, landing on his clothes and even his eyelashes.

 Out in front of him the snow had begun piling up in an empty field across the road from the house, creating a smooth surface the sun would reflect off in the morning when the snow finally stopped.

He pulled the collar of his coat up around his neck and stepped off the front porch, toward his truck, almost completely obscured by the snow now. Pulling his signature cowboy hat down low across his forehead he kept his mind on who was waiting for him inside the cab instead of on the cold slivers of ice scratching against his cheek and bare hands.

“Ever hear of gloves?”

Her teasing voice brought a smile to his face as he climbed inside and closed the door against the wind.

“Sure have. They’re the things delicate women wear on their hands in cold weather, right?”

He grinned and leaned over for a kiss, glad they were alone without the prying eyes of Molly’s older brother, and his best friend, Jason.

Sliding across the truck seat he pulled her against him to deepen the kiss, jumping back a second later as a pounding on the driver’s side window startled him. He cleared the steam with the side of his hand, matching the glaring eyes of Jason with a glare of his own.

Jason pointed two fingers at him through the window. “Take your hands off my sister, Stone!”

Alex stuck his tongue out while Jason grinned and then walked away.

Molly and Alex had been dating a year and a half now and though Jason seemed to have adapted to the fact for the most part, he still occasionally threatened Alex with bodily harm for showing affection toward Molly.

Alex knew Jason worried that he would somehow corrupt sweet Molly, but Jason should know by now that it was Molly who was influencing Alex.

Molly looked out through the windshield as he turned on the wipers. “I hope this snow lets up before I need to head back to town. Liz and I are watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving tonight.”

“This is a four-wheel-drive.” Alex winked at her as he shifted the truck into gear. “I’ll get you there one way or another.”

For now, though, he only had to get her to her parents, half a mile down the road from Jason’s house where they’d just finished lunch with Jason and Jason’s wife Ellie.

They would finish the chores at the barn and then he’d drive her the six miles to town where she now lived with her best friend Liz and Liz’s daughter, Bella.

He’d drive her to make sure she got there safe, but also because her truck, which used to belong to her late grandfather, was in the shop. Her uncle Bert’s mechanic shop, to be exact. The truck, a 1976 Chevy, was one of the last physical connections to the man who had meant so much to her and passed away four years earlier.

While it was true that the engine on the truck had finally died, it was also true that Alex had purposely delayed the work on the truck for a personal reason that he hoped would pay in dividends at Christmas.

Next to him Molly scrolled through her phone. “I think I’ve found what I want to get Ellie for Christmas. This scarf is totally her. Don’t you think?”

He glanced at the screen of the phone briefly. “Uh. Yeah. Sure.”

He really had no idea if the scarf was Ellie or not, but it was better to talk about scarves than –

“So, are you going to go visit your mom at some point around Christmas? Or maybe your –”

Here they went again. “No. I’ve already planned to be here.”

“Of course, you’ll be here for Christmas day, but what about after Christmas? Or the weekend before?”

“There will be too much work to do before and after Christmas. I don’t think I’ll have the time.”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Molly chewing on her bottom lip. It was what she did when she wanted to say more but also didn’t want to push the issue.

She reached over and squeezed his upper arm gently. “Well, maybe you can at least send your mom and dad a card. Anyhow, I called Uncle Bert earlier but couldn’t get an answer.”

He admired the way she’d resisted trying to find another way to convince him to see his parents and how she quickly changed the subject.

“Ah, he’s probably busy. I wouldn’t worry.”

The skin between her brow knitted. “I’m just wondering what the verdict on the truck is.”

“I’m sure he’ll let you know as soon as he can.” He pulled his truck next to the barn and shifted it into park, clearing his throat. “Listen, Mol, I know how important that truck is to you, but you should probably prepare yourself. It’s old. It may be time – I mean – it’s possible it won’t be able to be saved.”

He hoped the truck could be saved. He planned to do the best he could to make sure it could, but if it couldn’t, he had a backup plan.

Her shoulders fell for a brief moment. “I know. I’m trying to prepare myself for that.”

He reached over and took her hand in his. “I know how much the truck means to you. I’m sure Bert’s going to try his best to save it.”

She took a deep breath, eyes glistening. “I know and even if he can’t, I know it’s not all I have left of Grandpa. Not really. I have photos and my memories. No one can take that away from me.”

She gave him a shaky smile.

He squeezed her hand tighter then leaned over and kissed her cheek gently. “Have faith. She’s on the operating table and that’s the first step toward her healing.”

Molly laughed. “You know women don’t assign gender to their vehicles, right?”

He wrinkled his nose, eyes bright with laughter. “You don’t? Why not?”

“Because they’re inanimate objects, not people.” She shook her head and kissed him briefly. “Now, listen, I love sitting here with you, but your hands are cold. I can feel them through my gloves. If you want to hold hands with me outside during the winter you’re going to need to act more like a weak woman and wear some gloves.”

He grinned and touched the palm of his hand to her cheek. “Whatever makes you happy, my dear.”

She squealed and pushed his hand away before jumping out of the truck. “Alex!”

Inside the barn, Molly took over hooking up the milking machine from her Dad, while Alex headed toward the back of the barn to prepare the feed. Robert followed him.

“How’s your plan going?” Robert asked when they were alone in the feed room.

“Bert’s seeing what can be done now. How about yours?”

“Jason picked up the lumber today to replace the rotting boards.”

Alex rolled the wheelbarrow to the feeding station. “You think we can make it a few more weeks without them finding out?” Robert winked. “Of course, we can. I’m living proof that God still does miracles, young man.”

Special Fiction … Wednesday? Mercy’s Shore Final Chapters

Umm…whoops! I completely forgot I had promised to post the final chapters of the book Sunday night so here they are now.

As always, this is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, after I edit and rewrite it, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

If you would prefer to read the book when it is all complete, you can pre-order a copy HERE on Amazon. It releases on January 31, 2023. There is also a link to the previous chapters HERE.

Chapter 36

Judi snatched the phone off her bedside table. So much for sleeping in this Saturday.

The caller ID said Evan, though, so she didn’t mind losing a couple hours of sleep.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey, you,” she said back, a broad smile tugging at her mouth at the sound of excitement in his voice.

“I’m back in town for a week, maybe more. I was wondering if you’d like to meet me out at the Tanner’s new pumpkin farm today. Maybe around noon?”

She rolled on her stomach, propping herself on her elbows. “That sounds very nice. I wasn’t sure you’d want to be around me again.”

Evan laughed. “You got all those flowers I sent, right? Of course I still want to be around you. I thought maybe I could buy you a donut and a cup of apple cider. Plus, it’d be somewhere  — um —neutral.”

She agreed to meet him at noon and spent the next two hours looking for the perfect autumn outfit. She spent another half an hour looking at herself in the mirror, adjusting her makeup, brushing her hair, then wiping some of the makeup off. Letting out a huff of breath she blew her bangs out of her eyes and shook her head in resignation.

“Don’t overthink it, Lambert. Just go.”

But she did overthink it. All the way to the pumpkin farm and in the parking lot, looking at herself in the rearview mirror. When a face appeared at her window out of the corner of her eye she screamed, then burst into laughter as she watched Evan lean back and laugh loudly.

“You jerk.” She laughed as she climbed out of the car and gently slapped his upper arm with the back of her hand.

“Sorry. That was just too funny.” His smile made her heart lurch. “You look beautiful, by the way. You don’t have to keep fixing your hair.”

Warmth spread up from her chest to her face. “Thank you.”

He tipped his head sideways to the entrance behind the store. “Care for a walk? I think the cider and donuts are back there.”

“Sure. That sounds nice.”

Leaves crunched under their feet as they walked. Judi slid her hands in her sweater pockets, her gaze drifting across a pumpkin field to her left, filled with pumpkins but also children swarming the pumpkins, loading them into carts, or carrying them to their parents. Beyond the pumpkin field were drying stalks of corn and a sign marking the entrance to the maze. Haybales were positioned at various places around the walkway, and she breathed in the scent of the drying hay, remembering her time growing up on the farm. During her teenage years, she avoided barn chores, using any excuse not to help with the milking, or shovel manure, or feed the calves. She was glad her dad had her sister and young men he’d hired to help him in the barn now, but a part of her did miss that time, a much more innocent time.  

“How’s work going?”

The question was one that used to cause her stomach to clench. In the last few weeks, though, she’d helped Ben draw up wills, help close sales for properties, and watched Ben calmly walk a woman through a divorce from an abusive husband.  Working for Ben gave her more of an opportunity to help others than any other job she’d ever had. She felt like she was actually contributing to society instead of floating through it.

“It’s going well, actually. I still don’t really know what I am doing, but Ben’s been patient with me.”

Evan ordered them apple cider and donuts at the small concession stand and motioned toward a wooden bench off to one side. “How are you doing otherwise?” he asked and she noticed he positioned himself a good distance from her as they sat, practically on the other end of the bench.

“I’m doing okay, really.” She sipped her cider. “I’m sure Ellie filled you in on some things.”

He shook his head once. “No. She said it wasn’t her place to and I respect that.”

She sipped more of the apple cider, enjoying the tartness on her tongue as she considered what to say next. “I’m sorry, Evan. I don’t know why I reacted that way. Well, I do, but I shouldn’t have with you.”

He laid an arm across the back of the bench, watching her as if waiting for her to continue. Concern etched his face.

She cleared her throat. “One night a year and a half ago, a little more, a guy tried to get further with me than I wanted. I was able to get away from him but another woman, a girl really, wasn’t as lucky.” Tears pricked at her eyes. “I don’t know why he let me go and not her and maybe other women, but he did.” She laughed softly, a tear slipping down her cheek. “Of course, my knee to his groin probably didn’t do much to make him want to try to keep me there.” She drew the back of a finger across the tear. “I guess I didn’t realize how much it had all affected me. I tried to laugh it off, drink it off, and run away but it seems like it all has been catching up with me lately and hit me full force that night with you.”

He winced and reached a hand toward her, but then pulled it back again, closing his fingers into a fist briefly before letting the hand drop to the back of the bench again. “Judi, I’m sorry. If I had known, I never would have been so forward.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Evan. It was me. I tried to move faster than I was ready that night. I wanted to forget everything, and I guess I thought I could erase all the memories of him by being with you. I’m the one that is sorry.” She pulled her lower lip between her teeth briefly. “And embarrassed.”

“There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You couldn’t control that reaction, as much as you wanted to. I understand.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Well, I don’t totally understand, because I’m not you and didn’t experience what you did, but I can see how that could have triggered some negative memories.”

Judi reached out and laid her hand on his. “I just don’t want you to think that you somehow triggered anything negative. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Evan kept his arm over the back of the bench and sat the cup of cider on the seat next to him. “What happened to this guy? Did you report him or anything?”

She pushed a strand of hair back from her face and hooked it behind her ear. “No, I never did. He’s going to trial for the other woman he assaulted, though. He’s somehow out on bail and called me a few weeks ago.”

Evan’s eyebrows lifted. “He called you?”

“Yeah and he doesn’t want me to tell anyone what happened, but I’m going to. This girl’s lawyer called me a while ago. Ben and I talked to him yesterday.” She drew in a shaky breath, startled by the emotion gripping her. “I talked to the girl a few days ago. Her experience was so similar to mine, from everything he said to everything he did.” She closed her eyes briefly against the tears. “I knew she wasn’t lying.”

When she opened her eyes, Evan’s jaw had tightened, and he swallowed hard.

 “I’m scared,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “But I’m going to be with her in the courtroom. I don’t want her to feel like it’s her against him. It will be us against him.”

Evan leaned toward her, then leaned back again. “I’ll be there for you if you want me to be. I really want to hold you right now, but I don’t want to touch you unless you want me to. I talked to a therapist friend of mine and she said I shouldn’t try to make the first move in any way. I should let you tell me when it is okay for me to physically be near you.”

A smile pulled at her mouth. “You talked to a therapist about me?”

Crimson colored his cheeks. “Yeah, but I mean, I didn’t tell her your name or anything. I just told her a little bit about the situation and asked how I should handle it because I care about you and — yeah —” He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “I just told her I want to pursue a relationship with you, so I want to know how to help you heal from all of this.” He cleared his throat. “That’s why I thought it might be good to meet here where it’s a little more neutral.”

He cared enough to talk to a therapist about how to talk to her? Was this for real?

A small laugh came from her throat. “Evan McGee, I think that you really are as sweet as I’ve heard your brother is.”

He made a face. “Ew. Don’t compare me to Saint Matt. I’m not that good.”

She moved closer to him on the bench, touching a hand to his cheek. “Well, you are very close and that’s not a bad thing.” Leaning closer she lightly touched her mouth to his. “Thank you.”

He grinned, tipping his head closer to hers. “You’re welcome. And listen, we can take this slow and just hang out. We can go out to public places, or have friends over when we watch movies, or —”

She slid her hand to the back of his neck and pulled his head down to hers, pressing her mouth to this.

“Thank you,” she whispered several seconds later, her lips grazing his. “All of that sounds really nice. I’m not used to men being so nice to me so it may take me a bit to get used to it.”

He smiled. “That’s fine by me. I’m a patient man.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Is it okay if I kiss you again?”

She tilted her face toward his and they resumed their kiss, pulling apart a few minutes later when Judi heard a voice call out behind them.

“Oooh! Judi and Evan sitting on a bench, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.”

Judi glowered at Ben. “Bench doesn’t have the same ring to it, you know.”

Ben laughed. “Yeah, I know, but you’re not in a tree.”

Judi glanced at Angie beside Ben. “How about you two? Any k-i-s-s-i-n-ging between you two?”

Ben held up a hand. “That, ma’am, is privileged information.” He gestured toward a hay wagon to the right being pulled by a tractor being driven by Alex. “Anyone care for a hayride? I’m willing to ride with you two, as long as you can keep your hands off each other.”

Judi scoffed and folded her arms across her chest. “With Alex at the helm. I don’t know if I’d feel safe.”

Alex looked over his shoulder and scowled from under his hat. “I heard that, Lambert. Even over this tractor engine, which just shows everyone what a big mouth you have.”

Judi hooked her arm through Angie’s. “Come on, Angie, let’s go find the pumpkin cannons instead. We can pretend we’re shooting them at Ben and Alex.”

“Hey!” Ben cried. “What did I do?”

Evan laughed. “I don’t know, but I’m glad I wasn’t included in that list.”

Judi fell into step with Angie, glancing over her shoulder at Ben and Evan. “You think you two will be able to work things out?”

Angie smiled. “Yeah, I think so. I hope so anyhow. How about you? Will you be sticking around the area for a while?” She winked. “Maybe hanging out with Evan?”

The light feeling in her step and the way her muscles had lost their tension was a foreign, but welcome feeling to Judi.

“Yeah. I think so. I hope so anyhow.”

Epilogue

“Hey, you still coming to dinner tonight at mom’s?”

Judi paused at her car and looked up at Evan, smiling. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t wait to taste her cooking again. I have to do something quick before then, though. Meet you there?”

 “How about I pick you up. Say 5:30?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

After years of being fiercely independent, she wasn’t lying when she said she would like to be picked up. She’d also been liking Evan being home more in the last two weeks as he started a job with a local construction company.

She turned the music up as she pulled away from her apartment building, wishing the cold temperatures didn’t preclude her from sliding the window down. Half an hour later she pulled into a parking space and checked her hair and make-up, then laughed at herself. She didn’t need to worry about her hair.

She had a feeling he wouldn’t care.

The sanitary smell and squeak of her soles on the newly mopped floor reminded her of where she was and where she was headed. Her chest tightened. Hospitals weren’t her favorite place, and she wasn’t sure what reaction she’d receive.

She asked for his room number and if visitors were allowed at the nurse’s station.

The shades were open. Sunlight poured across his bed. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, trying to recapture the confidence she’d once possessed. She pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat quickly before she changed her mind.

“Hey, Jer. You’re not looking so great.”

Jerry blinked the one eye free of the bandages, grunted through bruised and scarred lips, and lifted one stitched-up hand. Judi was expecting a rude gesture, but instead, his thumb raised slowly. 

He pointed at the notepad on the small table by the bed. She handed it and a pen to him. After a few long minutes of scrawling, hampered by bandages and fingers that didn’t seem to want to bend, he pushed the pad toward her. The letters were shaky and a couple were missing, but she got the drift.

I owe you more than one. Not a beer. A soda. When I get out of here.

A smile pulled her mouth up and she looked up at him. “You definitely do. How about a root beer float down at that new ice cream place on Main? Be warned, though, I might look light a lightweight, but I can pack it away.”

A raspy laugh came from Jerry and to anyone else it might have been unnerving, but to Judi it was one of the best sounds in the world.

Special Fiction Saturday: Chapter 34 and 35

I’ll post the last chapter of this story tomorrow.

As always, this is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, after I edit and rewrite it, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

Let me know in the comments what you think. Or don’t. That’s okay too. *wink*

If you would prefer to read the book when it is all complete, you can pre-order a copy HERE on Amazon. It releases on January 31, 2023.

Chapter 34

“You’re not alone, okay?”

Talking via video chat to a young woman who had gone through something even worse than Judi had required the words to be said. The young woman nodded tearfully and a few minutes later goodbyes were exchanged and Judi disconnected. She leaned back against the couch and blew out a long breath, wiping tears from her eyes.

Ellie laid a hand on her arm. “You okay?”

Judi nodded slowly and accepted the tissue her sister handed her. “Yeah, I think so.”

She’d asked Ellie if she’d be there when she called the young woman — whose name she learned was Vickie — an unusual move for her. While she was normally independent, and determined she could do things on her own, a calm settled over her at the thought of her sister being there with her.

Judi had decided on her own to talk to the girl, assure her that she’d have support for her case, and tell her how brave she’d been to go to authorities, something Judi wished she had done.

Ellie handed her a tissue. “You were really great with her. You seemed to know just what to say.”

Judi sniffed and tried to smile. “That’s very unusual for me.”

Ellie tipped her head and laid her hand on Judi’s shoulder. “Judi, come on. Don’t run yourself down. You did great.” She smiled and bumped her knee against Judi’s. “Maybe it was God helping you.”

A small laugh came from Judi. “God doesn’t work through people like me, El. You can stop all that stuff.”

Ellie leaned back, brow knitted. “First, I don’t know what you mean by people like you, but second, God can work through anyone. Don’t forget that.”

Judi stood to walk to the kitchen, rubbing the back of her neck. “Yeah, I guess. Can I get you a soda?”

“Yeah, that would be great. Maybe we could watch a movie before I head home.”

Judi opened the fridge, smirking. “Don’t you need to get home to Jason?”

“Nah. He and Alex are hanging out with Matt tonight. Some kind of guys night where they watch football and eat junk.”

Pouring a glass of lemon-lime soda she knew Ellie liked, Judi glanced over her shoulder. “In that case we should find a good chick flick and call Molly to see if she wants to join us.”

Did she really just suggest a girls’ night? What was happening to her.

Ellie was clearly delighted at the idea, based on the tone of her voice. “Oh yes. After working mainly with the guys in the barn today I bet she’d love a girls night. She can bring Liz and the baby.”

Judi inwardly cringed. A baby? At her apartment? She wasn’t too sure about that, but, well, she was trying to change some of her past attitudes. She could try at least.”

Judi’s phone rang as she walked back to give Ellie her drink. She glanced at it then clicked the button on the side to send it to voicemail as she sat back down on the couch.

“It’s Rachel. I’ll call her later.”

Ellie sipped the soda. “What’s she doing? Checking up on you?”

“Yeah, well, I told her I fell off the wagon a couple weeks ago so she’s been keeping a closer eye on me.”

Ellie cleared her throat and looked down at her glass. “Oh. You did?”

Judi pushed a hand back through her hair and let it fall down her back. She wanted to work on being more open and honest so she might as well start now.

“Yes, briefly. I went to a bar with Jessie and drank part of a beer and four sips of whiskey and got very sick to my stomach. Apparently, I can’t handle alcohol any more.”

Ellie leaned forward slightly, crossing one leg over the other. “Judi, you know you can call me if you need to, right? I mean if you get tempted. You don’t have to do this alone, okay?”

“I’ve done things alone for a long time.” Judi winked and popped a chocolate candy from the dish next to her in her mouth. “Give me some time to get used to not doing that anymore.”

Ellie’s expression became serious. “What drove you to the bar that night?” She paused, chewing her lower lip for a brief moment. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Judi pulled her feet under her and hugged a pillow. “I don’t know. I couldn’t get my mind to slow down for one. I kept going over and over everything I had done wrong all of my life, that night with Evan, then the night with Jeff and how I didn’t go to the police or really talk to anyone except Seline about it. Maybe I could have stopped him or kept him from hurting this girl and whoever else he’s hurt.” She shrugged. “I just keep wondering why he let me go but not this girl or the others. Why did I get away? I think I have some sort of survivor’s guilt.” She laughed softly. “I mean, I nailed him pretty good that night in his privates so maybe that is why I got away.”

Ellie slid next to Judi on the couch and put an arm around her. “It wasn’t your fault. What he did to you or the other girls. You didn’t know he would do it again.”

Judi leaned into Ellie. “I should have known, but I don’t think I wanted to think about it. I was so focused on me I didn’t want to think about anyone else. It was too horrible to think he was trying to force himself on girls as young as Vickie.” She let out a quick breath. “I’m not sure what is scarier some days, my brain going too fast or the thoughts I have when it starts to slow down.”

Ellie leaned back a little to look down at Judi. “Let’s call Molly and get this movie going. We can give your brain a break for now. Just know I’m here for you. Mom and Dad are too. I know you aren’t big on church, but our pastor is great, and we have a ladies’ Bible study on Wednesdays and —”

Judi at up, laughing and holding up a hand, palm out. “El, calm down. I’m already planning to go to church with you, but please don’t try to get me to go sit with a bunch of women and talk about my feelings over vanilla-rose tea.”

Ellie clapped her hands together. “Oh, I am so excited!” She hugged Judi briefly then leaned back again. “Also, we don’t drink vanilla-rose tea. We usually have lemongrass or peach and occasionally blueberry.”

Judi rolled her eyes. “You’re not going to convert me into drinking herbal tea. Just call Molly and let’s move on from the tea conversation, kay?”

Ellie sighed. “Okay, okay. I’ll take my victories where I can.”

She reached for her phone, but Judi reached out and laid her hand on hers. Ellie looked up and Judi squeezed her hand. “Thank you, Ellie. I know I don’t say it a lot — or ever — but I love you.”

Ellie’s eyes glistened. “I love you too.”

Judi let go of Ellie’s hand and grimaced as she reached for a blanket. “Okay, this is getting too Hallmark-like for me. Call Molly and I’ll find a movie.”

She rolled her eyes again, but couldn’t help smiling back at Ellie who was tapping Molly’s name in her phone.


Chapter 35

Ben honored Angie’s wishes for two weeks, giving her time to think, visiting every other day, taking walks with Amelia and even taking her to visit his parents. Angie had been polite, helpful, and didn’t speak to him with the tension she had before, but she also kept her distance, excusing herself shortly after he arrived or declining to join them on walks or trips to his parents.

Now he was standing at the Tanner’s Pumpkin Farm behind their store, nervously rubbing damp palms on his jeans and sipping from a hot cup of coffee. Angie had called him this morning and asked if he’d like to meet her and her parents there for a day out. She’d actually called and invited him.

Maybe she was just being nice or maybe it was something more. He wasn’t sure and that’s why he couldn’t stop fidgeting while he waited for them. When Adam’s SUV pulled into the parking lot his heart rate picked up and he took a deep breath.

“Good grief, Ben,” he whispered to himself. “You’re a grown man. Get a grip.”

A chuckle came from behind him. “Knew you’d finally crack, Oliver.”

Jason Tanner walked around in front of him carrying two pumpkins he set on a display by a bench. He looked over his shoulder and grinned. “You okay?”

Ben nodded and smiled, glad to see that Molly’s brother didn’t hold anything against him from all those years ago. “Yeah. Just talking to myself.”

Jason drew the back of his hand across his forehead and then placed his hands at his waist. “I do that a lot too. Nothing unusual there.”

Ben nodded toward the corn maze behind the store. “The place looks great. This is going to be a real boon to the area.”

And also great for local farmers, which went without saying.

Jason adjusted his John Deere cap. “Thanks. I hope it will be. It’s been a lot of work, but it already seems to be paying off. We’ll be offering a lot more next year. For now we have the corn maze, pumpkin cannons, a couple bounce houses, the petting zoo, and of course the pumpkin field.”

Ben lifted the cup of coffee. “And great coffee.”

“Of course.” Jason winked. “We need it as much as the visitors, maybe even more.”

“Ben! Ben!”

Ben turned to see Amelia running toward him wearing a red and white dress and black shoes, blond curls flowing out behind her. He lifted her in his arms as she reached him and propped her on his hip. “Hey, kid. You look excited.”

“Mommy said I get to pet a goat!”

Jason laughed. “You sure do. The petting zoo is on the other side of the store. There are calves, rabbits, sheep, and a bunch of kittens too.” He nodded at Ben. “You guys have fun today. I’ll see you around.”

Angie and her parents came next, walking slower than the ball of energy in Ben’s arms. They walked to the petting zoo, bought donuts and cider and then Leona suggested she and Adam take Amelia on a hayride.

“Why don’t you two try the corn maze and let us know how complicated it is,” Adam said with smile. “We’ll take Amelia after the hayride.”

Pink flushed along Angie’s cheeks, but she didn’t respond.

Amelia gave Ben a quick hug then ran to her grandmother and clutched her hand. “Be back soon, Daddy!” she called over her shoulder.

A burst of shock slammed Ben and he audibly gasped, unable to speak for a few seconds. By the time he even attempted to speak, Amelia was on the other side of the yard, almost to the wagon.

He turned to Angie. “Wha — I mean — Did you say something to her?”

Angie lifted her shoulders and dropped them in a quick shrug. “I started to last night and she told me she already knew. I told her she was a smart kid.”

She turned to walk toward the corn maze, and he followed her. “What did she say exactly?”

“Well, I said, ‘honey, I need to talk to you about Ben and who he is,’ and she said, ‘You mean that he’s my daddy?’ I asked how she knew and she said Uncle Mark said it that day we were arguing after she fell off the swing.”

Ben let out a breath as they entered the maze. “Yeah, he did. I forgot about that.” He pushed the emotion in his throat down with a gulp of coffee. “What did she think about it?”

Angie laughed. “You saw how excited she was when she saw you, right?”

Ben rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, warmth spreading there. “Yeah. Yeah I did.” He smiled. “It was really nice.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes, dry leaves and corn husks crunching under their feet. A cool breeze brushed across them and Ben smelled the sweetness of apples in it.

Angie stopped, turning to face him. “Ben, I want to tell you something.”

Here they went again. He braced himself for another tongue lashing, even though her tone was much friendlier and calm this time.

“I appreciate you explaining to me a couple of weeks ago some of the reasons you never contacted us.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly. “But four years of no real contact is a long time. I can’t just get over that in a few months.” She opened her eyes again, hands clenching and unclenching at her sides for a few seconds, then relaxing and matching the softness her tone slipped in to. “I can’t deny I love you, Ben. I think there was a time I loved a version of you that wasn’t real and now that I know the real you it’s very confusing because as much as I don’t want to love you, I still do. I love the good parts of you, the parts that are broken and you’re trying to put back together. The parts that are trying to be a better father. I can’t fully trust you yet, though. That’s something you’re going to have to rebuild with me, but if you’re willing to do that then I’m willing to work with you and see where this goes.”

He nodded slowly. “I understand.”

She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and released it again. “Do you — I mean — do you want to see where this goes?”

He reached out and lightly touched her hair with his fingertips. “Yes, I do, but I need to tell you something. I hope this,” he gestured a hand toward himself, then her. “Leads us to where it should have led us years ago.” He stepped forward, cupping his hand against her cheek. “In a church, with me promising to have and to hold you, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” He leaned closer and kissed her mouth gently. “For as long as we both live.”

She reached up and laid her hand over his, wrapped her fingers around it, and pulled it back, kissing his palm. “One day at a time, Mr. Oliver, okay? One day at time.” A smile tilted her mouth upward. “But, yeah, I’d like that to happen too.”

He wanted to kiss her again, but he didn’t want to push his luck. “Can I get you a cup of coffee?” He looked around him. “If we ever find our way out of this maze?”

 She laughed and looked at his cup, sniffing. “Yours doesn’t smell like regular coffee. What are you drinking?”

“Coffee with pumpkin spice flavoring and a bit of farm fresh cream.”

Angie snorted a laugh. “You’re drinking flavored coffee? What brought this change on?”

He laughed softly. “Judi. She kept bringing in flavored creamers and adding them to my coffee. She said I needed to liven up some.” He took a sip. “Now I’m addicted.”

“Going to church, drinking flavored coffee.” She shook her head once. “You have changed, Ben. I’m not sure what to make of it. Are you still organizing your closet by color?”

Ben mocked gasped. “Now, that, I’ll never change.”

Angie laughed as they walked, looping her arm in his. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I’ll take you up on that cup of coffee.”

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 33

As always, this is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, after I edit and rewrite it, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

Let me know in the comments what you think. Or don’t. That’s okay too. *wink*

If you would prefer to read the book when it is all complete, you can pre-order a copy HERE on Amazon. It releases January 31, 2023.

Chapter 33

Ben greeted Leona and Adam inside, offering a quick ‘hello’ to Angie and William as Amelia dragged him into the kitchen to show him the paints and doll. After a brief conversation with Leona about his parents and work, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, want to come out to the barn and see the blueprints for the shop?” Adam grinned. “My brother dropped them off this morning.”

“Sure. That would be great.”

It would also him get out of the house and away from Angie and William who were sitting next to each other on the couch, talking in hushed tones. Probably wedding planning, which made his stomach turn.

Out in the barn, Adam led him to a small office built to one side, toward the back.

Ben rubbed his chin. “Hmmm. This wasn’t here the last time I was here. When did you have this built?”

“Built it myself,” Adam said with a shrug, opening the door. “Didn’t take much.”

“I thought you were supposed to be taking it easy.”

“Ah, no big deal. Few boards and some nails. The boys carried my dad’s old desk and a couple filing cabinets out and we were ready to go.”

“And you’re doing okay?”

“I am. Taking the medicine they gave me, plus taking more breaks has helped the blood pressure and the heartburn. My new cardiologist says my heart is looking good too. I hate that I scared the girls, though.”

Adam unfurled the blueprints and spread them out on the desktop. “This is the preliminary blueprint, but I like it so far. We’re going to have a showroom right up here in the front and in the back a workshop area. We’ll have storage in a separate area over here and hopefully a parking lot right here, if we can get the permits, which shouldn’t be a problem since it’s going to be right next to the Tanner’s Farm Store.”

“Oh wow. That’s a great idea. Their customers could potentially be your customers.”

“That’s what we’re thinking and Rob’s going to sell us the land at a discount. He’s excited to help us out and we’re excited to let him.”

Ben nodded, still looking at the blueprints. “Looks great. What’s the timeline?”

“Probably three months to clear the land and start construction and maybe another six months to complete the construction. Rob’s opening up a pumpkin farm this year and next year we’ll be able to market together to bring in more customers for us both.”

Ben studied the blueprints as Adam gestured. “These look great, Adam. This is really great for you.”

“It’s great for the entire family. We’re certainly excited.” Adam looked up from the prints. “Hey, I didn’t even think to ask you why you stopped by. Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“No. Not really. Honestly, I just wanted to see for myself how you were doing.”

Adam sat in the chair behind the desk. “That’s nice of you. As you can see, I’m doing well.” He leaned back in the chair, propping his arm on the desk. “I’m sure getting a glimpse of my daughter was a plus too.”

Ben held up a hand. “Adam, for one, she’s engaged and for two, she hates me.”

Adam cleared his throat. “Ben —”

“Hey boys!” Leona called from outside the barn. “Amelia wants a ride in that fancy car so William is going to give us a lift into town. Angie’s got a headache and staying home. There’s room for one more. One of you want to ride with us?”

Adam jumped up from the chair, stepped around the side of the desk, and teasingly pushed Ben aside. “Me! Me! Shotgun!”

Ben laughed as the man good-naturedly patted him on the chest on the way by.

“Have a nice ride, I’m going to head out actually. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.”

“Listen, though, I think we should talk first,” Adam said as they walked across the yard toward the driveway.

“Hurry, Pop-Pop! The train is leaving the station!”

Ben was surprised at how far Amelia’s little voice carried.

Adam snorted a laugh. “That’s what I always say to her when she’s taking too long to get ready. It’s not as funny when she turns it around on me.”

“Have fun,” Ben said. “I’ll stop by another time for that talk.”

Adam opened his mouth to say something, but Leona spoke instead. “I’ve got your coat, hon’. We better get going before the stand closes for the night.”

“Better head out,” Ben told him. “We’ll talk later.”

William held out a hand before sliding into the driver’s side of what Ben guessed was a very expensive sports car. “Ben, take care.”

“You too,” Ben said, shaking his hand.

He stood and watched the car disappear down the driveway then headed for his own car, feeling like there was a rock in his gut.

“Ben.” He turned his hand on the car door. Angie was standing on the top step of the porch. He allowed himself a quick glance at her tan capris and white v-neck shirt under a beige sweater before focusing on her eyes as she spoke. “You need to know something.”

He turned to face her, sliding his hands in his front jean pockets. “Okay.”

She folded her arms across her chest and took a deep breath, her voice calm. “I’m not who I was in high school or college. I’ve changed. I’m not the girl who falls all over the star baseball player anymore or thinks she has to sleep with someone to be worth something. I’ve grown up and I have someone else to think about now.”

He waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t he gave a quick nod. “Okay. Thank you for letting me know. Anything else?”

A breeze caught her hair, pushed strands into her face. She pushed it aside, hooking it behind her ear. “I just wanted you to know where I stand if you’re going to keep showing up here. I don’t mind you coming to see Amelia or her seeing you or your parents, but you need to know that I am not going to fall in love with you again.”

He tipped his head down and kicked at the dirt with the toe of his shoe, then looked back up at her. “Okay. I understand. Thank you for letting me and my parents see Amelia.”

He did wonder, though, how much longer they’d have that chance with Angie eventually marrying William and them all moving back to Lancaster.

She hugged her arms tighter around her. “You’re welcome.”

They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes before he finally said, “If that’s all, I’ll be heading out now.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what else you want me to say. I mean are you telling me you’re not going to fall in love with me for my benefit or yours?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, do you want me to know, or are you reminding yourself?”

Her nose wrinkled and she scoffed, waving a hand at him. “Go home, Ben.”

She turned to walk back into the house, and he stepped toward her, hands clenching at his side. “I’m just asking because if you don’t want to fall in love with me again then why even have this discussion? Why put up the disclaimer? Why not just yell at me and tell me to get lost and never come back?”

She turned back to face him, arms out to her sides. “Because Amelia loves you, okay? Because she’s your daughter and she should have some sort of relationship with you even if you are a jerk.”

“Was a jerk. I’ve changed too Angie.” He relaxed his hands, and took a deep breath. “The only thing that hasn’t changed is that I still love you. I have a feeling that maybe, deep down, you still love me.”

Her eyes flashed as her jaw tightened. “Do you really think I could still love someone who has never even apologized for walking away from me and our daughter?”

He snorted a small laugh. “How was I supposed to apologize?”

“Like how any human being apologizes when they screw up. A phone call, a visit, a carrier pigeon. Anything but cutting off all contact.”

“I didn’t cut off all contact. I sent money and gifts —”

“That’s not apologizing, Ben. There were no words exchanged, no —”

“How was I supposed to apologize for what I did, Angie? How?” Tears stung his eyes. “How do I say I’m sorry for walking away from you during one of the scariest times of your life? How do I say I’m sorry for —” His voice broke “God forgive me. For telling you to murder that beautiful baby girl before she was even born?” He looked at her, voice trembling, tears escaping down his cheeks. “I buried myself in work for almost five years, so I didn’t have to think about what a monster I was. So I didn’t have to remember everything I did wrong and how there was no way I could go back and ask you to forgive me.” He shook his head, dragging a hand across his cheek, and looked away from her. “I can’t even ask it now. I have absolutely no right to.”

A silence fell between them that only the breeze playing with the dying leaves above them filled. He stepped back, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.

“I don’t even know why we’re talking about this anyhow. You’re engaged to William.”

Her gaze drifted across the yard, toward the faded blue hills in the distance. Her voice was barely audible. “I’m not engaged to William.”

“What do you mean? You said that day here at lunch —”

“I know what I said.” She looked at him again. “I’d broken it off with William but didn’t tell anyone and I certainly wasn’t going to tell them in front of you.”

“Then why is he here?”

“He only came up here to check on dad and so we could talk to Amelia about us not being together anymore.” She pulled a strand of hair away from her face again. “I couldn’t marry him. I seem to have lost trust in men along the way. Who knows why. Ha. Ha.”

Ben swallowed hard and raked a hand through his hair. “Listen, I should go. We’re not getting anywhere here. Exchanging insults isn’t going to help anything.”

Angie took a step forward, arms still folded across her chest. “You asked God to forgive you just now. Was that real? And you said you’d pray for my dad. Did you mean that too? Are you really praying to God? If so, which God?”

He let out a quick breath. “The God of Abraham. Elohim. Jireh. The God you and I were raised to believe in but ran away from for so many years.”

“You want me to believe that you suddenly turned over a new leaf and to God?”

A faint smile tugged at his mouth. “No, not suddenly. Gradually.” He tossed his hands out to his side and then dropped them again. “You don’t have to believe me. I know where my heart is. I know that God has been guiding me to peace in my life. I don’t have to prove that to you, even though I wish I could somehow.” He placed his hands at his waist. “I wish I could show you what God has come to mean to me. I wish I could show you how much I still love you in one big gesture, but I can’t. There will never be a gesture big enough to show you how much I’ve loved you all these years.”

She lifted her chin slightly. “Even when you slept with Bridgett?”

He made a face. “I never slept with Bridgett.”

“Your friend Sam told me you did.”

“That I did what? Stayed over at her house?”

“He said you spent the night with her. I know what that means.”

He laughed softly. “Yeah, that I spent the night with her. Asleep. On her couch. While she slept in her room. I was drunk. I showed up at her place, thinking I could forget you if I slept with someone else. She sent me to the couch, woke me up the next morning and told me to get out and get my act together. She also told me to go find you and apologize for being the worst boyfriend in the world because it was clear I was still in love with you.”

“She thought that?”

“She knew that.” He focused his gaze on her eyes. “I was still in love with you and I still am. How many times do I have to say it?”

“You’ve had a funny way of showing it,” she said, hugging her arms tighter around her.

He walked slowly toward her, closing the gap between them. “You would never have believed me if I’d come to you back then and told you anything that I’m telling you now and I doubt you even believe me now.” Standing a couple of inches from her, he reached up and cupped his hand against her face, taking in a sharp breath at the softness of her skin against his hand, at touching her for the first time in almost five years other than that day in the barn. “Do you believe me, Angie? Do you believe I still love you?”

Her gaze dropped to his mouth, and he took that as a sign that she was comfortable with him standing so close, maybe even with him kissing her. He wanted desperately to kiss her.

He moved his head slowly toward hers, testing the water. When she didn’t pull away but instead closed her eyes, he lowered his mouth to hers, capturing it gently, seeking her permission with his action. He expected her to pull away, maybe even slap him, but she didn’t. She let him kiss her and when he pulled back slightly, she opened her eyes, looked at him for a few seconds, then leaned forward again and pressed her mouth to his, sliding her arms around his neck.

He moved his hand to the back of her head, buried his fingers in her hair, and slid his arm around her lower back, pulling her against him. The second the kiss deepened, though, she pulled back, dropped her hands to his chest and pushed him gently away from her.

“No. I can’t do this. Not right now. I mean —” She shook her head slowly, looking at the ground, as if trying to wake up from a dream. “I need some time to think.”

He nodded once, sliding his hands into his jeans pockets again. “Do you want me to stay away?”

“No. You can come to see Amelia and my parents. Just — Just give me some time, okay?”

“Yeah. I can do that. I’m sorry — I shouldn’t have —”

She held her hand up, taking a couple steps back. “No. It’s okay. I just need some time to process.”

He watched her walk back into the house, fingertips to her lips, and wondered if the kiss had affected her as much as it had him.

Special Fiction Saturday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 28

As always, this is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, after I edit and rewrite it, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

Let me know in the comments what you think. Or don’t. That’s okay too. *wink*

If you would prefer to read the book when it is all complete, you can pre-order a copy HERE on Amazon. It releases January 31, 2023.


Chapter 28

He’d needed church that morning. He’d needed the music, the sermon, the smiles and greetings of the other members of the congregation.

It had soothed an aching soul.

Now Ben was at his parents’ house, sitting on the back deck with a glass of lemonade and a novel, looking out over the autumn foliage splashing brilliant reds, oranges and yellows across the Pennsylvania hills around him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually sat down and read a book. He only wished he could focus on it better.

Memories of the visit to the Phillipi’s kept playing in his mind. Then there was Judi. Why wasn’t she answering his texts or calls? Maybe she’d fallen off the wagon and was sleeping it off. He hated to see her go down that path again. Plus, he needed her to be alert tomorrow at work.

She’d already been let go from one job. He didn’t want to have to let her go from this one. In fact, he’d like to offer her more hours at some point and maybe even split hours between her and Cindy when, or if, Cindy decided to come back to work.

“Gorgeous view, isn’t it?”

His dad’s voice came from behind him, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Yeah, it definitely is.”

Max sat on the chair next to him with his own glass of lemonade. He sipped from it for a few minutes, gaze focused on the hillside. “So, kid, there’s been a lot of pressure on you lately. You doing okay?”

Ben shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah. I’m hanging in there.”

“I saw Adam the other day. Everyone is back in the area he said. Including Angie and Amelia.”

Ben cleared his throat. “Yes, they are. I’ve talked to Angie about you and mom seeing Amelia actually. She’s thinking about it.” Or she had been. He wasn’t so sure now.

Max looked at him with a smile. “That would be great. I’m fine with leaving it up to Angie, though. I’m sure it’s awkward for her.”

“It shouldn’t be though. You and Mom weren’t the ones who hurt her. I was. You shouldn’t be punished for my mistakes.”

His dad drank some more of the lemonade before talking. “We’re guilty by association, I suppose. Listen, Ben. Really, are you doing okay?”

Ben laughed softly. “I guess you mean do I feel the need to cope with a glass of gin?” He shook his head once. “Nope. Not yet anyhow.” He winked. “I did have an extra dessert for dinner last night, though.”

Max lifted his glass in a mock toast. “Glad to hear it, kid. Not that extra sugar is good for us, but better than too much alcohol.”

Ben laughed. “Agreed.”

“You know I’m here if you ever need to talk, right?”

The smile faded. “Yeah, Dad, I do.”

Max leaned back in his chair and sat his glass on the small table between them. “Ben, maybe this isn’t the best time to bring this up but – did I do something over the years that led you down that path toward — well, toward —”

Ben laughed softly and winked. “Alcoholism, Dad. It’s called alcoholism. It’s okay to say it. It’s what it was. I was an alcoholic and now I’m a recovering one.”

Ben had never seen his dad look so — what was the right word? Uncertain? Hesitant? Clearly lacking confidence?

“What could you have done to push me down that path? You’re the best dad any kid could have. You’re hardworking, accomplished, well-respected in the community, beloved by your family, a good Christian man —”

Maxwell winced, hands in his pockets. “Ouch. All those things sound good but they also make me sound perfect. I’m not perfect.” He turned his head to look at Ben. “You know that, right? I mean,  you don’t actually think that I’m perfect, right? Because I know I’m not. I hope it doesn’t come across that way.”

“You don’t act that way at all dad.” He swallowed hard. How honest should he be with the man? Would it make him feel better or worse? “I’ve tried to live up to your reputation over the years, it’s true. I tried too hard for a long time, focusing only on your career accomplishments. When I couldn’t get there, I’ll admit, I fell apart a little.” He laughed softly and shook his head. “No. A lot. I fell apart a lot. I screwed up my life by trying to drink myself into oblivion and forget the fact I’d never be as accomplished or as good as you. The more I drank, the worse it got too. I got further and further away from who you were, knowing with each passing day I could never measure up to your standards or God’s.”

Max reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “You know now that you don’t have to live up to anything for my love or God’s, right?”

Ben nodded and covered his dad’s hand with his. “Yes. I do.” He may not feel it every day, but he understood it.

The ringing of his cellphone startled him. He’d forgotten he’d even brought it outside with him. The ringing was coming from his jacket. He searched for the phone and lifted it out of the inside pocket, hoping it was Judi letting him know she was okay.

He didn’t recognize the number, but answered it in case it was a client. “Hello, Ben Oliver here.”

There was an intake of a breath and a pause on the other end, then, “Hey, it’s Angie.”

He shifted in the chair, sitting up straighter, muscles tensing as he braced himself for the scolding, the demand that he not visit again.

“Hey, what’s up?”

She cleared her throat. “I need a favor.”

He half expected her favor to be for him to meet her brothers down at the boat launch outside of town so they could beat him up and throw him in the river.

“Yeah, sure.”

“My dad’s at the hospital and mom’s already there with grandma. My brothers are two hours away on a job and I don’t really know anyone else around here anymore. I can’t believe I’m asking this, but can you come sit with Amelia?”

His mouth went dry. “Definitely. Yeah. I mean, I’m at my parents so it will take a bit but —”

“I can bring her there. We’re downtown grabbing her some lunch from the diner.”

“Yeah, you can do that, if you want.”

“See you in fifteen?”

“Absolutely.”

She disconnected and he realized he hadn’t even asked why Adam was at the hospital.

“Everything okay?” His dad’s voice cut into his thoughts.

He shook his head. “No. Adam’s in the hospital. Angie wants to drop Amelia off here while she heads up.”

“You’ve gone pale, kid. You going to be okay?”

“What?” Ben looked at his dad, palms suddenly damp, mouth dry. “No. I’m fine. I’m not pale. Am I?”

Max laughed and stood, patting Ben on the shoulder. “It’s going to be fine, buddy. Your mom and I will be here for back up.”

Ben stood and followed his dad into the house. “I know, but Angie hates me, Dad. I mean, the other day I was pushing Amelia on the swing after I helped Adam and her brothers bring the furniture in and she fell off. Angie acted liked I did it on purpose. And what’s worse is I had no idea how to comfort Amelia or even check her for injuries.” He downed the rest of the lemonade and placed the glass in the sink. “This kid is my flesh and blood and when I’m around her I have no idea what to do. I feel like she’s someone else’s kid. I don’t know anything about her at all, but for some reason she attaches herself every time I come over.”

“It’s because something in her knows you’re dad,” his mom said sweeping into the dining room, setting a vase of flowers in the middle of the table.

She was still wearing her Sunday clothes — a flowered skirt and white, button-up blouse — her hair swept up on her head in a stylish bun, hiding much of the gray streaks in the brown nicely.

Sitting at the dining room table, Ben clasped his hand behind his head and yawned. “She’s four. That’s not possible.”

Sylvia paused in her adjustment of the flowers in the vase and raised an eyebrow. “Kids are smarter than we adults give them credit for, Benjamin. Now, what brought this topic up?”

 “I don’t want you to get flustered, but Angie’s bringing Amelia over for a while. Adam’s in the hospital for some reason and Angie’s going to wait with Leona.”

Sylvia’s hands hovered over the flowers. “Really? She’s bringing our granddaughter here?” Her eyes glistened as she pressed one hand to the base of her throat and the other to her mouth. “Oh my. Oh, that’s —” she sniffed. “That’s just so wonderful.” She spun quickly toward the kitchen. “I wonder if I even have any snacks she’d like. I haven’t had a young child in the house in years. I do have some peanut butter and cheerios and I can pour her a glass of milk. Unless she’s lactose intolerant. You were at that age, you know. Maybe I should find some paper and markers too, so she can color if she wants and —”

Ben laughed. “Mom. It’s okay. She’ll be fine with whatever you have.”

Syliva took a deep breath. “Right. Of course, she will. I just — it’s just — this is the first time I’m going to meet her in person and I —” She looked at Max. “I mean what if we scare her? She doesn’t even know us.”

Ben stood and kissed his mom on the cheek. “It will be fine, Mom. She’s going to love you.” He looked toward the direction of the stairs. “Is Maggie back yet? I know she wanted to meet her.”

“No,” Max said. “She called earlier and said she’s going to be at Jenny’s until this evening.”

Ben walked to the front window, petting Maggie’s longhaired cat Muffins, watching for Angie. The cat nuzzled his hand when he dropped it and he started petting it again absentmindedly , his thoughts racing, wondering what Angie’s demeanor would be when she arrived. He heard the buzz of the gate and Angie’s voice over the intercom in the kitchen.

“Hey, Angie.” Max’s voice was warm, welcoming. “Come on up.”

Her voice held the tension of the almost five-year estrangement. “Thank you, Max.”

As the small maroon Toyota wove its way up the driveway, he realized he didn’t know whether to walk outside or let her walk up to the house herself. As she parked the car and sat still for a few minutes, her hands clutching the steering wheel, he decided it might be better to meet her instead of forcing her to face his parents as well as him.

She looked up as he stepped outside, watching him for a few seconds, then opening the car door and stepping out. A breeze caught her hair, which hung loose down her back, pushing several loose strands into her face. A sudden urge to reach out and push the strands back coursed through him.

He watched her push the strands back herself instead as he walked, the move revealing the curve of her cheek, a face sans its usual make up but beautiful nonetheless.

She pulled her lower lip between her teeth, pulling the blue sweater she was wearing closer around her. “Hey, sorry to have to bother you.”

“It’s not a bother, really.”

She turned toward the back door without responding, but when he touched her shoulder, she paused and looked back at him with a questioning raise of her eyebrow.

“Who do I tell her my parents are?”

Angie shrugged her shoulder. “Tell her the truth. They’re your parents.”

“Then who do I tell her I am?”

An amused smile tipped her mouth up. “She already calls you ‘Ben, that fun guy’ she met at the old house. Just go with that.”

“Yeah, okay.” He nodded a couple of times, his mouth dry as he watched Angie opened the back door. “That should work.”

Amelia bounded out of the car as soon as her mom unhooked her seatbelt and ran to Ben, a piece of paper clutched in one hand, her other arm wrapped around a teddy bear. A small, pink backpack was strapped to her back and her bright blue eyes sparkled in the late day sunlight.

“Hi, Ben!” She thrust the piece of paper at him. “I made this picture for you.”

Hearing his name fly out of her mouth with such ease made his stomach flip, even as a twinge of regret twisted in his chest. All she knew him as was a man named Ben, when in reality he was so much more. Technically anyhow.

He looked down at the drawing on the paper — stick figures of a man and a woman standing next to a smaller stick figure and a crudely drawn tree with what he thought might be a swing hanging off a branch.

 “See?” Her little index finger directed his gaze. “That’s you and that’s mommy and that’s me on the swing, but this time I’m not falling off.”

Ben chuckled. “Ha, yeah, not falling off is a good thing.”

“Can you push me on a swing again?”

“Well, we don’t have a swing here, but I’m sure we can find other things to entertain you.”

Angie lifted a mini suitcase from the backseat and handed it to him, her smile from before fading into a slight frown. “She wanted to bring her favorite teddy bear and doll and all their clothes. I told her it was a bit much, but —”

Ben smiled. “I guess she takes after her mom in that way.”

“Ha. Ha.” Angie scowled but the small smile returned, which sent a shiver of warmth through his chest. “Very funny.”

She turned and slid back into the driver’s seat.

Ben felt Amelia’s fingers encircle his and he looked down and smiled at her, even as an anxious buzz sliding across his skin. He’d never been on his own with her before. The weight of responsibility pressed down on him fast. He looked up as Angie closed the door and slid the window down, then took a step toward the car.

“Angie, I am sorry about the swing thing. It was an —”

“I know, Ben. I do.” The faint smile couldn’t hide how tired — and worried — she looked. “I’ll call later with an update.”

“I’ll be praying.”

A puzzled expression furrowed her brow, dipped her mouth into a frown. “Um, yeah. Thank you. That would be nice.”

As she drove away, he thought about how him offering to pray was probably confusing to her, since when they’d dated he’d done his best to stay away from anything having to do with church, or the faith his parents had raised him in.

A soft tug brought his attention back to the present and he looked down at a small round face with big eyes. “Hey, let’s go inside. I have some people I want you to meet.”

She skipped as he walked and he admired her energy.

His phone rang before he reached the front door and he recognized the song as Maggie’s favorite, which was why he’d set as her identifying ringtone.

“Hey, squirt. You’re not going to believe who —” “Benny, I’m at a party and I’m scared. Can you come get me? ”

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 27

As always, this is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, after I edit and rewrite it, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

Let me know in the comments what you think. Or don’t. That’s okay too. *wink*

If you would prefer to read the book when it is all complete, you can pre-order a copy HERE on Amazon. It releases January 31, 2023.

Chapter 27

She’d finally convinced Ellie to go home.

“I had a panic attack, that’s all. It’s not like I’m suicidal.”

Her sister sighed. “I know, but I’d still feel better if you’d let me stay. I can sleep in the spare room and —”

Judi had rolled her eyes. “Go home to Jason. I’m sure he needs you to cook for him or give him a massage or whatever you married people do.”

She really didn’t want to think about what they did as married people.

Ellie had stayed another hour, but eventually she had gone home. That had been two days ago and now Judi was lying on her bed in the darkness, replaying that day’s events and wishing she could sink into a hole and disappear forever. There was no way Evan was ever going to talk to her again and she couldn’t blame him. Who wanted to be around a woman who had a complete breakdown during a make-out session? She pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes.

Seriously. She was such a loser.

Thankfully she’d recovered from the panic attack and had been able to go to work with Ben the next day. Thankfully he didn’t ask her how she was doing this time, which she knew was code for, “You don’t feel the need to jump off the wagon and get plastered right?”

She was grateful he hadn’t asked because honestly, she absolutely did want to go out and get plastered, numb herself, silence her racing thoughts and she planned to do just that tonight. Dragging her hands through her hair she snatched the phone from the bedside table and looked at Jessie Landry’s text message again.

Being sober is sooooo boring.  Go to Terrell’s with me for a drink?

Judi texted back an answer as she walked to her closet.

Absolutely. Meet you there in fifteen.

But when she reached the bar and stood outside wearing thigh-high black leather boots and a hot pink skirt and rainbow striped tank top she’d purchased at an upscale boutique in the city, she hesitated. She hadn’t been to a bar in almost a year, other than Lonny’s and she’d never stayed there to hang out. Did she really want to go back there again? The alcohol would definitely distract her from everything she didn’t want to think about, but it would also numb her feelings and maybe she needed to feel for once.

“Juuuuudeeeeee!!!”

Jessie’s squeal startled her, made her scrunch her shoulders and wince. She regretted agreeing to this trip, or at least with Jessie.

Jessie looped her arm through Judi’s and giggled. “Come on girl, let’s loosen you up!” She reached for the front door. “How long has it been since we just let loose?! Too long, that’s what I say!”

The door opened and the smell of cigarette smoke, beer, too much perfume, and something frying wafted out, overwhelming Judi’s senses.

Country music from the old-fashioned juke box filled her ears as Judi dragged her over the threshold. She squinted in the dim light and took a deep breath at the sight of mostly men sitting on bar stools and tall, small round tables, their hands around the handle of a beer mug or a bottle. The dark wood walls did nothing to brighten up the place either.

Places like this had been her playing field for years but now she felt out of place. She felt out of place here, she felt out of place at a church or an AA meeting. At this point she didn’t feel like anywhere was her place.

“Come on, let’s find a table.” Jessie was already waving at men, flipping her hair over her shoulder and winking. Judi wondered which man Jessie would go home with tonight.

They chose a table at the far end of the main room. The bar, lined with people sitting on stools and drinking was on the other side of the room.

“So tell me, Jude, what’s been going on with you anyhow?” Jessie propped a cigarette between bright pink lipstick covered lips and lit it. She took a puff then blew a stream of smoke out of the corner of her mouth.

Judi made a face, glad smoking hadn’t become one of her vices. Filling Jessie in on her life wasn’t appealing to her at all. She’d really only come to get out of the house and see if alcohol could drown her feelings like it had in the past.

“Nothing much, honestly. I’ve been working at Lonny’s and now at Ben Oliver’s office and just trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my life.”

Jessie smirked. “Ben Oliver. Now there’s a hottie. Have you slept with him yet?”

Judi cocked an eyebrow. Jessie was even more blunt than she was. “Uh. No. Not interested in him that way. He’s just my boss.”

“Then I’m free to go after him?” Jessie propped the cigarette in the middle of her first and middle finger and leaned her arms across the top of the table, her eyes shadowed by heavy eyelids and long, dark, fake eyelashes.

Judi laughed softly. “Good luck trying. He’s all about work and nothing else.”

Of course, she wasn’t going to tell Jessie that Ben was one, severely uptight and two, absolutely still in love with Angie. Let her figure it out.

Jessie crossed one long leg over another and bounced her foot in a rhythm that matched the country music in the background. “I bet I could get him to think about something else.” She winked as a waitress approached the table.

Jessie ordered a Black Russian and Judi asked for a beer. Might as well start out a little lighter for her first drink in almost a year.

As Jessie relayed story after story about her various sexual escapades, Judi’s gaze drifted around the bar, scanning the customers, recognizing a few, especially the ones she went to school with. Once the drinks she and Jessie had ordered were delivered, her stomach tightened. She turned the bottle around a few times, keeping her hand around it for a few seconds before lifting it.

Ridiculous.

There was nothing wrong with having one drink. She needed this. She needed to feel the numbing comfort of the alcohol and maybe drink enough to give her a buzz, muddy her thoughts until the memory of her embarrassing night with Evan disappeared.

The liquid slid bitterly over her tongue, burned down her throat, and hit her stomach as if she’d drank fire.

 How she’d ever drank this stuff for so long she had no idea. Maybe a whiskey would be better. When the whiskey came, though, it wasn’t any better. In fact, her stomach was burning as much as her throat now.

She slid off the stool. “I’ll be back, Jessie.”

“Take your time.” Jessie’s blue eyes scanned the bar for her next prey. “I’ll keep myself busy until you get back.”

In the bathroom she splashed her face with cold water, patting it dry and trying her best to keep from taking all her makeup off. Foundation hid the dark circles. She’d been proud she’d been able to hide the effect of sleepless nights. She didn’t need anything else to make her look older than she was at this point. Pausing at the sink she leaned on it and stared at her reflection for several seconds.

“Judi, what are you doing?” she whispered to the exhausted woman looking back at her. “Do you want to end up like Jerry one day? Laying in your own blood in an empty field while your family cries over you?”

Did she want to be the girl bar hopping and having one-night stands all her life, with no commitment, no one special to go home to at night? Someone who had no goals in her life, no direction, no real career or hope for a future? Someone like Jessie?

She pulled her hair back tight into a ponytail, then let it down again, shaking it loose across her shoulders. Holding her hand across her stomach she swallowed hard, then stepped aside as the door opened and a woman rushed inside, stumbled into a stall, and vomited in the toilet without even closing the door.

She pressed her hand to her mouth and swallowed back the bile crawling up her throat, turned and rushed from the bathroom. Jessie was already at another table, leaning in front of a good looking man Judi didn’t recognize, laughing loudly and letting him get a good view of her cleavage.

She straightened when she saw Judi and waved her over.

“Judi!” she called. “Come meet Troy and Nate! They need some company tonight.”

Judi inwardly cringed at how loud and bold Jessie was. Had she been that obnoxious when she was still drinking? Good grief. She probably still was that obnoxious.

Maybe she’d become a boring prude, but all she wanted right now was go home, change into her pajamas, crawl under the covers, and drink some hot cocoa while watching a cheesy rom-com. Jessie hooked her arm in Judi’s and pulled her into the booth next to her.

The man across from Judi winked at her as he lifted his beer. “So, you’re Judi.” He took a swig from the bottle. “From around here, little lady?”

Little lady? Was this guy for real?

“Uh, yeah. Born and raised actually.”

Unfortunately, she wanted to add, her gaze drifting from the smirking figure in front of her across the bar, to the exit, wondering how fast she could run there in heels. As her gaze drifted back, she spotted Brad sitting at the far end of the bar, head in his hands, an empty shot glass in front of him. It looked like she wasn’t the only one throwing herself off the sobriety wagon tonight.

“Can I buy you a drink?” The voice of Mr. Blue Eyes pulled her attention from Brad.

“Um, sure.” Her stomach clenched. “A ginger ale would be great.”

The man grinned, his gaze drifting from her face down to her chest, lingering there, and then sliding back up again to her eyes. “I didn’t think you were just the soda type from the way Jessie here talked about you.”

Her stomach turned again. “Well, someone has to be the designated driver,” she said with a sideways glance at Jessie who was finishing off her Black Russian.

“Are you going to apologize to me or not, Tanner?”

A deep voice boomed across the small bar and Judi turned her head in time to see a blur of movement a second before Brad staggered back, fell over a stool and to the floor. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth, but he didn’t move to wipe it. He simply sat looking up at the man towering over him, mouth forming a thin line, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

In the past, Judi would have grabbed a bowl of peanuts and her drink and sat back for the show. This time, though, something needled at her. Apparently, she’d developed a conscience during her time of sobriety because instead of sitting by she stood and walked quickly toward the impending bar brawl, stepping in front of the taller man towering over Brad.

“Boys, boys.” She held her hands up, palm out, one toward the man and one toward Brad. “No need to fight over me. I’m not interested in either of you.”

She winked at the taller man and then waved her fingers at him as he scowled down at her. “Seriously, though, let’s not ruin this lovely evening by trashing this fine establishment and leaving blood on the floor.” She turned to look at Brad, cocked an eyebrow, and jerked her head to the door. “Come on, dear. Walk me outside. I could use some fresh air.”

Brad’s expression registered confusion as he stood slowly, straightening his shirt and reaching for his ball cap on the bar. Judi looped her arm in his and tugged him toward the front door while the other man looked at them with his arms folded across his chest, eyes flashing. If nothing else, this little charade would at least get her away from the creepy guy back at the table.

Out in the cool air, Judi let go of Brad’s arm after they reached the side of the building and sat on the bench near the parking lot. “Sit down, Bradley and tell dear Judi what brings you to this fine establishment, breaking your AA promises to admit your wrong doings and the power alcohol has over you.”

Brad scowled as he sat next to her, stretching one leg out in front of him and propping his hat on his other knee. “Aren’t you here to do the same thing?”

Judi looked at her nail and noticed a chip in the polish. “I’m here to forget how dull my life is.” She pushed her lower lip out and sighed. “Anyhow, what was all that about back there? Who did you tick off this time?”

Brad shrugged his shoulder, laying an arm across the back of the bench. “I asked his girlfriend if I could buy her a drink. He objected, I guess.” He rubbed his fingers across his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What are we doing here, Judi? That accident should have scared us straight, right?”

Judi looked out across the parking lot, at the pickup trucks and the sedans and the cars of people inside numbing their problems the same way she’d tried to. Music from the jukebox thrummed its way through the wall behind her, played a melody she’d heard many times before over words about living like you were dying.

“It should have, yeah, but instead it drove us right back to our poor coping skills.” She looked over at him, his eyes rimmed red, hair disheveled, jaw unshaven. “How drunk are you, Tanner?”

He frowned, shook his head, staring out into the parking lot. “Honestly, I only had one shot glass. I’m not drunk. I couldn’t go through with it. I was getting ready to leave when Billy Bob back there grabbed ahold of me.” He raked a hand through his hair and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “I don’t want to be that guy I was before anymore. I don’t want to be all fuzzy headed and incoherent, but right now I am only because I haven’t slept in three days.” He looked over at her. “I could have killed Ellie that night, Judi. I don’t even remember half of it, but she said I grabbed for the wheel. I could have straight up killed us both. And for what? Because I just kept drinking away to try to forget all the failures in my life. I’m an idiot and everyone has had to put up with me all of these years.”

Judi laughed softly. “Sounds familiar.” She bumped her shoulder against his. “You’re not alone in that area, you know. I’m right there in that circle with you. I came here to get myself drunk off my butt tonight. I don’t want to think anymore about all the failures in my life, either. We both know that coming here to drink our problems away is just going to add to them.”

She crossed one leg over another and leaned back again, sliding her hands back through her hair.

“Look at Jerry. He could be in a wheelchair the rest of his life. He’s traumatized his wife and kids for years with his drinking and now even more. Dawn probably doesn’t know whether she wants him to live or die after all this. There is a part of her that will want him to live, hopes this was his wake up call and he’ll become the old Jerry again, the Jerry that didn’t drink his life way.”

Brad stood and slid his hands in his jean pockets, kicking at a rock with the tip of his boot. “I hope she gets the old Jerry again. He used to be a pretty good guy. Before he started drinking so much. After he lost his dad and his job.” He slid a pack of cigarettes out of his flannel shirt pocket, tapped one out and popped it in his mouth. The flame that flicked up from the lighter illuminated his face as he lit the cigarette and took a puff. He pinched the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger, then smirked. “I can only handle getting rid of one vice at a time. And since when did you start to sound so smart? That speech about Jerry actually made sense.”

Judi scowled at him playfully. “I have no idea. I guess I’ve been hanging around Ellie and Jason too much lately. I’ve even started to think about going to church with them. Crazy right? That scares me, though. That’s why I came here tonight. I’m afraid to try to be normal. What if I fail and become weird again?”

Brad scoffed. “What’s normal? I mean, Ellie and Jason are good people, but they aren’t perfect. You know that. You are normal. Even I’m normal. We’re our own normal. We mess up more than the other humans we know but everyone has something they struggle to overcome.” He looked up at the sky, blowing a plume of smoke through his nose. “Maybe other people don’t see it that way but I think God does. He created us, let us have a free will he knew we would abuse but still somehow, he loves us.”

Judi’s eyebrows raised. “Brad Tanner. Have you gone all religious on me?”

Brad laughed, tossing the cigarette to the ground and grinding it under his shoe. “Eh, it’s always been in there. I’ve just been running from it, from Him, for a long time.” He made a face. “Also, that cigarette was awful. Maybe I can get rid of another vice.” He shrugged. “Or maybe I need to buy another brand.”

Judi stood and folded her arms across her chest, rubbing her hands across her bare arms and wondering why she hadn’t brought a sweater. “I’ve been running from God for a long time too. Sometimes I don’t even know if he’s there.”

A brief silence fell over them.

“Maybe we both need to start running toward Him for a while,” Brad said softly. “See what happens. See if he’s even there.”

Judi hugged her arms tighter around herself. “Yeah. Maybe.”

Brad pushed his hands back in his front pockets. “Can I give you a lift home?”

She glanced at him. “Uh — no. I drove here, that’s fine.”

“You okay to drive?”

“I barely had anything to drink. Are you?”

“I barely did either. I think we’ll both be fine. Just don’t let good ole’ Officer McGee pull you over.”

A small smile tugged at her mouth. “See you later, Brad.”

He tipped his head in a quick nod. “See you later, Judi.”

Back at her apartment she pulled off her clothes and stepped in the shower, washing off the stench of cigarette smoke and the grime of poor decisions. Slipping under the covers a few minutes later, warm in a set of pajamas Ellie had given her for Christmas one year, she tipped her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. She had either gotten old or wise or maybe both. Either way she didn’t know how to handle this new place in her life where she wasn’t a partier anymore but also wasn’t exactly domesticated.

She groaned as her phone dinged. No. She refused to talk to anyone else. It was probably Jessie asking where she’d disappeared to anyhow. Then again, Jessie was probably already making out with one of those men and had completely forgotten about her.

She rolled to her side and opened one eye to look at the phone.

Ben: Hey, worried about you. I thought I’d go to the AA meeting this week in Spencer. Want to join me?

This guy was supposed to be her boss. What was he doing, trying to be her friend too?

She turned the light off by her bed and rolled back to the other side without answering him. With her eyes closed, though, her mind replayed that night with Evan, then with Jeff, then back to Evan. She rolled back to her back and pressed the heel of her hands against her closed eyes. The alcohol she’d had earlier still churned in her stomach. Now in her mind Lonny was telling her she’d stolen money from her mind. She sat up, gagging, wishing she’d never agreed to go to that bar.

A few minutes later she was doubled over the toilet, emptying the meager contents of her stomach while her phone rang.

Stumbling back to her bed, she reached for the phone. The call was from a number she didn’t recognize. She turned the phone off, laid down and fell into a fitful sleep plagued by blurred images of past mistakes.