Category: everyday musings

Sunday Bookends: Dick VanDyke, Noelle, sappy, predictable Christmas movies, and light reading

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings, Sunday Bookends, What I'm Reading11 Comments

Bah-humbug to the crummy week this past week was.

And bah-humbug to:

  • the people who thought they could pay us almost $35,000 less for our house than we were asking so they could flip it (not very Christian but I wanted to flip something else at them);
  • the people who verbally trash houses so they can try to talk sellers down in price;
  •  photo sessions with drunk adults and parents, aunts and uncles all yelling at the kids to “look here” (at their cellphones!) while the photographer (me) tries to take their photos;
  • my husband to swerving to miss a deer and hitting a rock and popping a tire.

I’m not a drinker, but if I was, I’d be pretty sloshed by now trying to deal with all the stress from last week. Instead, I’m just gaining weight from chocolate consumption.

I already mentioned yesterday I’ve been binge-watching Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas romance movies to distract from the stress (help me!), but I’ve also been binge-watching the old Dick VanDyke Show from the 60s (yes, also on Amazon, but no! I’m not being paid by them to say this.) I’m watching these movies and shows while cleaning, cooking, or — uh, crying — by the way, so I’m not just sitting and watching movies and doing nothing else.

The Dick VanDyke Show is one of those shows that really holds up. One of my favorites is when Laura tells the world that Rob’s boss, Alan Brady, is bald. It’s in Season 5, episode 1, if I remember right.

I love the chemistry among the characters in The Dick VanDyke Show, especially Mary Tyler Moore and Dick VanDyke. The storylines are always so inventive and hilarious as well. It was definitely a forerunner for todays sitcom, although most of them can’t hold a candle to the superb acting by VanDyke and the rest of the cast.

In addition to Dick VanDyke and the cheesy Christmas romance movies, I also watched a movie that featured some pretty bad acting, but was worth pushing through to get to the message. The movie, called Noelle, (but first released as Mrs. Worthington’s Party), is an independent film with some beautiful imagery and symbolism.

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It was written, produced and directed in 2007 by David Wall, who also stars in it, and who I can find very little information about other than he released another independent film last year called Gold Dust. Wall was pretty much the only competent actor in the movie, but again, it was completely worth pushing through it to reach the message behind it.

In the book world, I had very little time this week for reading thanks to the house showings, the cleaning, the rainy weather that wreaked havoc on my sinuses and the watching of cheesy Christmas romance movies.

I am still reading The Cat Who Lived High by Lillian Jackson Braun and The Hobbit (I will finish this book!), a book called Lead Me Home by Amy K. Sorrell, and with my kids, I’m reading The Misadventured Summer of Tumbleweed Thompson by Glenn McCarty and More About Paddington by Michael Bond. I read Paddington to my daughter each night, at her request, complete with all the voices, which makes it hard for my husband ever to read it to her because he can’t do a British accent.

I also run into trouble with this by playing Doc McStuffins with her, imitating the voices of all the characters as we play. Sometimes when I need a break from playtime with a 5-year old, my husband says “Can’t Daddy play with you?” She always says “No. Because you can’t do the voices.” I’m not sure who to feel more sorry for – me or my husband.

So how about all of you? What are you reading, watching, or up to? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to know!

Lisa R. Howeler is a writer and photographer from the “boondocks” who writes a little bit about a lot of things on her blog Boondock Ramblings. She’s published a fiction novel ‘A Story to Tell’ on Kindle and also provides stock images for bloggers and others at Alamy.com and Lightstock.com.

 

I’m on a Christmas romance movie binge. Help me.

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings14 Comments

As I’ve mentioned before here on the blog, we are in the midst of selling our house and have put in an offer on a new one. As anyone who has sold a house knows, this is a very stressful process. Between house showings looking at offers, and thinking about moving our entire household 40 minutes away, I feel like my muscles are extra tight and my brain is extra fuzzy.

In an effort to reclaim my sanity I’ve been attempting to shut my brain off at the end of the day with Lifetime Christmas romance movies on Amazon, which are pretty cheesy and don’t require much brainpower. Disclaimer: I am NOT being paid by Amazon and I am NOT an Amazon affiliate (they rejected me. I’m not influential enough. *wink* but also I just don’t write about enough stuff I would be linking to anything on Amazon. I just happened to find the movies on Amazon because we have Amazon Prime Video.)

Some of these movies are horribly written, terribly acted and lead me to fast forward through almost all of the movie, but a few of them haven’t been so bad and I’ve actually looked forward to seeing what happens at the end. I mean, of course, the guy is going to get the girl or the girl is going to get the guy and everyone is going to live happily ever after, but you know, maybe just one will have the girl kick the guy to the curb at the end and decide she can live her life without a man. I probably wouldn’t like that, though either, because I’m a bit of a romantic.

To be a Lifetime Christmas movie checks must be marked off on the checklist. First, there is always some sort of deadline for something that has to happen before … yes, Christmas or Christmas Eve, at least. Second, there has to be a woman or man who just recently broke up with someone or who hasn’t had a date in years, down on their luck. Third, there must be some sort of conflict with the person’s parents (if they aren’t dead) or sister or ex or boss. Then there has to be a love interest and after the love interest is met there will be some sort of conflict between the potential lovers, usually a secret that the main character finds out and then leaves because of. By the end, of course, the two will come together again after one of them decides to chase the other one down.

The main character also always has to have either a gay best friend or a fat best friend and they also always have to have either a dead parent, spouse, or sibling. The dead relative is a very common plot device in any movie, but it is a requirement for a Hallmark/Lifetime romance/Chrismas movie.

Since it is 2019 (almost 2020) these movies also need to make sure they are very inclusive, which means they all have to have at least one African American, one Asian, one Hispanic, one Indian (like from India), and a gay couple. It’s too bad they forget the Native Americans, but, come on, how much diversity can you have in one movie, right? (Is it just me or do the Native Americans often get shafted in our country? Still? Anyhoooo…) Seriously, though, it has to be stressful trying to make sure you represent everyone possible in a movie, so hats off to them for trying and I do like the diversity.

I also like that modern Christmas/cheesy Lifetime movies don’t even blink at portraying interracial couples and romances because once upon a time those movies segregated themselves with either an all-black cast/romance or an all-white cast/romance. Is it odd that I’m even noticing this? It is odd to me, probably because I’m not really someone who usually has hang-ups about so-called “politically incorrectness” in movies.

Anyhow, a couple of the movies I watched were intriguing and less predictable than usual, so, in other words, I could stomach them. Also, the acting wasn’t so bad. The storylines of three of them were okay, the others – yeah, pretty awful. If nothing else, there is usually something to mock during the movie so it is at least distracting from the stresses of life.

Trading Christmas

Back when I tried to get into Debbie Macomber books (I never did, but I like her as a person!) I bought (yes, bought) Trading Christmas, mainly because Tom Cavanaugh was in it and I love Tom Cavanaugh. Faith Ford from Murphy Brown fame is in it as well. I was also surprised with the appearance of Gabrielle Miller from Corner Gas, a Canadian sitcom we got hooked on this year. The story is about a woman (Ford), whose daughter (some actress) decides she isn’t coming home for Christmas from college. Ford’s character, who lost her husband a few years before, is sad and decides to try to find a way to visit her daughter in Boston.

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Tom Cavanaugh’s character needs to find a way to finish his book and is a big Christmas scrooge so the two begin looking online for places to “trade” for a couple of weeks. The fun ensues from there, especially since Tom’s brother is back in Boston and starts to get to know Faith Ford’s character (*wink* *wink*) and Faith Ford’s best friend comes to her house for Christmas, not knowing she isn’t even there.

Christmas Pen Pals

Sarah Drew (she’s also in Mom’s Night Out, which my family really enjoyed) plays Hannah Morris who is a tech-obsessed business owner who runs an online matchmaking company that is spiraling into the toilet. Her business partner tells her to go take a break and live in the real world for a while so they can figure out how to save the business so Hannah returns home to visit her father and sister (popular plot point – Mom is dead. Apparently Lifetime is now like Disney; always killing off a parent or parents.)

MV5BOTgyMzk0OTM2Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMjUxMDQxMTE@._V1_Niall Matter (who I know from Eureka as the hot scientist dude) plays Sam, an old boyfriend of Hannah’s (predictable? Yes, it is.) and Michael Gross portrays her father. The acting is charming and pretty natural, compared to other movies of the same type. The plot? Well, you know – it’s a Lifetime Christmas movie. The plot isn’t going to be very deep. The plot is essentially the small town mail lady suggests a Christmas pen pal program that the town used to do in the 1940s and Hannah agrees to try it if her widowed father does. There you go. Let your imagination run wild with that and you might be able to figure out the ending already. The characters are likable and how they get there is a little bit interesting, however, so it’s probably worth a watch (if you want to put your brain away for a little while, at least).

Christmas Around the Corner

This one was unique because the acting was spot on and nowhere near as cheesy and awkward as other Lifetime movies I’ve seen. The characters were very likeable (though the movie was a little preachy about the gay priest and his husband, but whatever. It’s 2019. We have to be preached at or we don’t know what to think, right?)

919ztXvTJJL._RI_The basic premise is that the main character’s business is falling apart (yes, another one of those) so she travels to Vermont for a month to stay in an apartment over a bookstore her mother (yes, dead) once visited. Apparently part of the deal of staying there is that she has to manage the bookstore while she’s there. (I’m sorry…what? Really? Who does that?).

As always, she has a month to turn everything around for this little store before Christmas or it will be sold by the (hot) owner.

Gift Wrapped Christmas 

Gift Wrapped Christmas was enjoyable to me, mainly because the main character reminded me so much of my cousin Sue. The male main character was fairly stoic and stiff in his acting but the movie was saved by the actress (Meredith Hagner) and again, probably because she was all bubbly, quick-witted, pretty and fun like my cousin.

Of course, it employed the usual cheesy movie tripe where the love interest has a mean girlfriend who threatens the main character and reminds her she’s the girlfriend (who thinks she is getting a ring, of course), but oh well, it wasn’t a deal breaker for me to finish the movie.

The Christmas Cabin

iglzg-68CRFCXT9PP-Full-Image_GalleryBackground-en-US-1572883902041._SX1080_The Christmas Cabin was a little bit different because it was mainly two people stuck in a cabin, talking. There wasn’t the normal “He has a girlfriend already” or “she has a boyfriend” already and they would need to dump said girlfriend/boyfriend to pursue a relationship. In fact, this one wasn’t even really about anyone pursuing someone, other than the man pursuing the woman to sell her half of a cabin so he can make money off of the “treasure” that is supposedly on the land.

It did have the usual storyline that the two people hate each other to start off with and then they fall in love  . . . or do they? The lead actress’s acting was not the best but the male lead made up for it.

Wrapped up In Christmas

I will not lie. I pushed fast forward through most of this movie. Terribly cringeworthy. A mall executive has to close down stores in the mall at the urging of her boss but in the midst of this dilemma she meets a handsome man who she doesn’t know is the nephew of the owner of one of the stores being shut down.

The handsome man is an ex-lawyer who is painting and working for his aunt while he figures out what he wants to do with his life, but who talks himself up after the main character’s niece tells him (while he’s dressed as Santa) that her aunt needs a man for Christmas and what she likes in a man. I think that by reading the above paragraph you can figure out why I fast-forwarded through the majority of the movie.  I was too lazy to even lookup the actors names for this one but I’m guessing they don’t mind their names not being attached to it.

I’ve pushed play on another one of these movies while writing this and my husband and son just asked if I’m okay. They can’t figure out why I keep watching these movies because most of them are so awful. Yesterday my son said “Oh my gosh, mom. Why are you watching this?” I said “Hey, I can go back on social media and start talking about  politics again.” And he said “Nope. Nope. That’s good. Please keep watching your dumb movies.”

They did both agree with me that Trading Christmas was okay, however.

I think I keep watching the movies because 1) I need to check my brain at the door and 2) I keep hoping I’ll find a good one.

So, are you a fan of the “cheesy” Christmas movies from Lifetime, Hallmark and wherever else? Let me know in the comments.

Lisa R. Howeler is a writer and photographer from the “boondocks” who writes a little bit about a lot of things on her blog Boondock Ramblings. She’s published a fiction novel ‘A Story to Tell’ on Kindle and also provides stock images for bloggers and others at Alamy.com and Lightstock.com.

 

Fiction Friday: A New Beginning Chapter 6 & 7

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings, fiction, Fiction Friday1 Comment

If you want to catch the beginning of Blanche’s story, you can read it on Kindle and Kindle Unlimted.  However, you don’t have to read the first part to be able to enjoy A New Beginning.

If you want to read A New Beginning’s chapters that have been posted so far, you can find themhere (or at the top of the page). 

As always, this is the first draft of a story. There will be typos and in the future, there will be changes made, some small, some large and as before I plan to publish the complete story later as an ebook. Also, sorry about the lack of indentations at the beginning of paragraphs. I can’t seem to figure out how to make that happen in WordPress.

As the nights get colder and we snuggle under covers, warm cups of tea and a book in our hands, let us embrace how life slows down to give us time to experience life around us in a simpler way. Don’t look at winter as just a time for dreary weather, cold winds, or snow to shovel this year. Instead, see it as what it can be – a time to pause, reflect and reconnect with those in your family as you wait for the warmth to come again.

I finished the last paragraph of my column, pulled the page from the typewriter and slid it into the envelope so I could drop it off at the newspaper office the next day. I pulled my sweater close around me as I stood and looked out my bedroom window at the leaves falling from the maple tree in our backyard. The colors weren’t as brilliant this autumn as they had been in previous years but mixed among the dark oranges and browns were a few bright yellow and red bursts of foliage across the hills that surrounded our small valley.

Jackson had been in school a little over a month now and while he had cried the first day I took him, he seemed to love it now. I missed him terribly during the day and I anxiously watched the clock, walking to the school every day to meet him outside. My heart melted at how his face lit up when he saw me, leaving behind the friends he’d been talking to so he could run to me and throw his arms around me. I walked with him back to the shop each day and we waited there for Daddy to finish at the office, pick us up and take us home.

I was happy to see him growing but struggling with it at the same time. He was growing so fast. His childhood seemed to be rushing by and I wanted to stop time and just enjoy it all a little more. I’d never thought I’d be a mother and now I could barely remember life before Jackson.

“Hey, Mama.”

I turned to see Jackson looking up at me, one of his toy trucks clutched in his hands.

“Hey, squirt. What are you doing?”

“I’m pretending I’m a truck driver and I’m gonna dig a hole in the backyard.”

“That sounds fun.”

I sat on the edge of my bed and lifted him into my lap, pressing my face into his soft brown hair.

“How are you liking school?”

Jackson scrunched up his nose, spinning the wheels on his truck. “It’s okay, I guess. ‘cept for all that writing and numbers. That stuff’s borin’. But I like when we get to do that recess thing. And lunch is good, unless we have meatloaf. They don’t know how to make it like Grandma.”

I knew recess was his favorite part of the day by how hard I’d had to scrub his pants clean lately.

“Mama, how come I don’t have no brother or sister?”

The way children could change a topic so abruptly amazed me. I knew questions like this one would come one day and while I dreaded them, I knew being honest was important. Still, I wondered how honest I should be with a 6-year old.

“Well, honey, because right now Mommy and you live with Grandpa and Grandma and there really isn’t room for a brother or sister.”

I felt confident that while my answer didn’t address the lack of a husband to help provide a sibling, it still wasn’t a lie.

“Oh.” Jackson furrowed his little eyebrows and scrunched his nose again. “Well, if we move away, can I have a brother or sister?”

“Do you really want to move away from Grandpa and Grandma?”

“No. I like living here, but I want a brother too.”

“What if you had a sister one day instead?”

“No. That won’t happen. I’d have a brother.”

“Are you sure about that? You know you don’t get to choose, right?”

“What would I do with a sister? I don’t wanna play with no dolls or dresses.”

“Honey, some girls like to climb trees and play with trucks too, you know. I always did.”

Jackson scrunched up his face like he was deep in thought.

“Well, then, maybe I can have a sister, I guess.”

I kissed his cheek and hugged him close. “For right now, you don’t need to worry about that, though. Why don’t you and I bake some cookies after dinner?”

“Chocolate chip?”

“What other kind is there?”

“Cool.”

I watched as he slid from my lap and ran from the room, his toy tightly clutched in his hand. There were some days I liked that it was just Jackson and me, but other days I found myself aching for a father for Jackson and a man to love me. I didn’t like, however, that my family, and apparently even Emmy, thought any gaps in my life could be filled with a man.  I knew for a fact that a man wasn’t the answer to all the problems in a woman’s life and, if anything, a man seemed to complicate it more.

Hank had certainly complicated my life, first with his attention and then with how he’d treated me not long after we were married. The arrival of Judson was threatening to complicate things too, but I was determined not to let it – at least not in a romantic way. I had a feeling even a friendship with him would throw a wrench in the regularly scheduled program that was my current life.

***

“What made you leave with Hank that day, Blanche?”

Six months after I’d returned home with Jackson and Edith had apparently decided it was time I share my thoughts behind leaving my family. I focused on the apples I was peeling for the apple pie and tried to decide how to answer without sounding like a silly schoolgirl. But there wasn’t any way I wouldn’t sound silly or trite. I had been a schoolgirl and I had been silly. My thoughts were immature; my idea of what life should be skewed by romance novels and Ava Gardner movies.

“I thought I loved him,” I said finally, still not making eye contact with Edith. “I was very stupid and naïve. I know that now.”

“I didn’t ask you to make you feel bad, Blanche. I just really wanted to know. I never really asked you. I guess I figured it was none of my business, even though I was dying to know since I never expected you to do that.”

I laid the knife down and gnawed gently at my nails, a habit I’d picked up on the days I wasn’t sure which Hank was coming home from work.

“I think,” I started, with a shrug. “That’s partly why I did it. No one expected me to. Everyone seemed to always know what I was going to do, what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to be. Mama and Daddy seemed to have my life planned out for me. Everyone saw me as boring and predictable and you – well, you weren’t. In the back of my mind I guess I wanted to prove everyone wrong. I wanted to write my own story and I wanted Hank to be in it. I did love him, or the version of him I imagined in my mind. I didn’t know . . .” I starred out the window at a car driving by the house. “Well, who he really was underneath the charm and handsome façade.”

Edith picked an apple from the bowl and started peeling it. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. It was never my intention. Honestly, I had no idea.”

I laughed softly. “Edith, I’m not blaming you. It was how I felt at the time. Feelings are not always facts, as we know.”

“True,” Edith said. “And what we think are facts are sometimes simply facades – like the idea I was always spontaneous or fun, or whatever you thought I was. You must know by now that I was simply a lost girl who never accepted my parents’ or God’s love as being enough. I thought I had to have a bunch of boys love me too.”

She shook her head as she tossed the slices into the pie crust. “I was so foolish back then. I guess you and I were foolish together. Thankfully God protected us from doing any worse harm to ourselves or anyone else and brought us back to our senses.”

“I only wish it hadn’t taken me so long to come back to mine,” I said, feeling tears in my eyes. “And I wish it hadn’t taken Hank beating me to wake me up. I did bring harm to at least one person – Jackson.”

Edith reached across the table and cupped her hand against my cheek.

“What’s done is done and it’s time to move forward. For both of us.”

Over the years, I did my best to move forward, as Edith had said, rebuild the relationships I’d damaged when I left but I was still stuck, especially when it came to building new relationships. I wasn’t only disinterested in navigating the world of romance; I wasn’t even interested in meeting new people. My experience with Hank had left me with a healthy dose of mistrust, not only in others, but also in myself. When I was younger, I had trusted myself to make the right decisions, to know by how a situation felt whether it was right or not. Leaving with Hank had felt right at the inexperienced age of 17 had moved forward with a confidence I no longer possessed.

Edith poured hot water over my tea bag and set the milk and sugar next to me. “Part of that moving forward means reaching for those dreams you had for your future before you left. So, what did you imagine you’d do with your life one day, before you met Hank Hakes?”

I stirred milk into my tea and shook my head. “Those were just childish thoughts, Edith. Like a lot of the thoughts I had back then.”

“You wanted to be a writer. I remember that. Why don’t you start writing? Even if it’s just for yourself. You still keep a journal right? Oh! Why don’t you submit a column to the local paper? You could write about small-town life, the weather, whatever. People around here really love those types of columns and our paper needs that. Take a sample column over to the editor and see what happens.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Why not? What do you have to lose?”

I laughed. “Certainly not my pride. I lost that a long time ago.”

“Oh, stop it, Blanche. Just go for it. You never know what will happen and there is no use living in the past. We’re moving forward, remember? This is just one more step you can take to do that.”

Check out the latest chapters for this story every Friday here on the blog and also follow me on Wattpad.

Catching up: What was on the blog last week and some favorite posts from other bloggers

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings19 Comments

It’s very possible you have a life beyond the blog world, like I do, and may have missed some of my posts and some great posts by some other bloggers the past week or so.

I thought I’d compile them in a list for you, in case you are lazy, like me, and don’t want to scroll back on the blog or search the web for the posts of others. Oh wait, maybe I’m not that lazy since I’m compiling this list for you. *wink*
On the blog here last week:

Sunday Bookends: House selling, snowstorms and rediscovering art

This just got real (more about house selling)

Faithfully Thinking: Is it true God only blesses you if you give money to the church?

Creatively Thinking: Like Breathing Again

Fiction Friday: A New Beginning Chapter 5

Some of my favorite blog posts from other bloggers last week included:

Love at First Light from Pete at Lunch Break Fiction. It’s such a sweet short story about . . . well, you’ll have to read it.

I read two posts this week about anxiety that I could completely relate to. The first was from Jenni at Housewife Hustle entitled Coffee Talks: Confession of a Scrooge Mom.

The second was A Letter to the Church about Anxiety and Depression by A.E.I. Writes, in which she reminds the church they aren’t doing the best job when it comes to helping those with mental illness. Trust me. I can relate to this.

This post by Alethea’s Mind about a group called anSpoken that helps people of all walks deal with their pain and not feel ashamed of the tough times they have walked through, but especially those who feel their church has judged them because of situations they have faced that were not in their control.

I absolutely loved this post, Waiting with Jesus, by BettieG but I love everything she writes. What a sweet, Godly woman with a chronic health condition that she has let bring her closer to God.

The Manitoba Mom Blog wrote about Why You May Feel Sad at Christmas and I can say I could relate to just about all of the reasons and how to deal with them.

So how about all of you? Any favorite blog posts of your own or others? Let me know in the comments.

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Bookends: Reading mysteries with cats, watching artistic movies, and selling a house

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings, recap of the week, week in focus10 Comments

What a week last week was, or at least the beginning of it.

We knew we had at least one house showing in the middle of the week but then we were asked if we could accommodate a second house showing. Since our house had only been on the market for less than a week at that point, we said “sure why not,” but I also freaked out because I knew we had repairs and cleaning to do before then. Saturday through Tuesday was a blur of cleaning out, throwing out, scrubbing, scraping and desperate attempts to keep my youngest from making any huge messes before the showings.

Then the day of the first showing we had to figure out how to carry our cat to the van, since pets aren’t allowed during showings, and since she hates her cat carrier (not that I can blame her). My biggest fear is that she would get loose while we drove around town to waste time. Luckily that didn’t happen either day, even though she wasn’t very happy with being stuck in the van with two kids and a dog that likes to lick her all over.

The first day she was fairly anxious but the next day she spent a good part of the hour we were out yowling and for one brief moment, I thought she was going to throw up on me. As we drove she cuddled up against the dog, who really is like a buddy to her, even though they smack each other around half the time.

 

In the middle of the cleaning, we had our first snowstorm (Ezekiel) of the season and the kids enjoyed playing in the snow it left behind (which was much less than forecasters were calling for).

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On the reading front, I haven’t been reading a lot, partially because I didn’t have time and partially because my mom is using my Kindle after hers tragically passed away a couple of weeks ago and I usually read at night after the kids are in bed. I downloaded the app on my phone but I don’t enjoy reading in on the phone (even though I have a larger sized one) as much as on the Kindle.

I had a couple of hard copy books and read some of A Light from Heaven by Jan Mitford, but had to lay that one down because it dragged more than most of her books and I just couldn’t get into it. I did finally started a new “The Cat Who” book in the Kindle app after abandoning one she wrote in the first person.

I didn’t enjoy reading about a character who was usually written in the third person but was now in the first person.  The one I’m reading currently is The Cat Who Lived High (Book 11) by Lilian Jackson Braun and it is written in the third person. The Cat Who books are about former reporter James Qwilleran and his two cats, Koko and Yum-Yum. Koko seems to have a six sense, which Qwilleran uses in his amateur sleuthing. And like many mystery series, Qwill is the harbinger of death because everywhere he goes someone seems to die or has died already. Yes, he is another Jessica Fletcher.

At bedtime my daughter has been asking me to read stories from the Paddington books by Michael Bond. We are currently on the book “More About Paddington.” We love the stories about the crazy situations that bear gets into. As I’ve mentioned before on the blog, my daughter often passes out before the story is finished and I try not to read ahead so she and I can enjoy it together. She won’t let anyone else in the house read to her, mainly because I do all the voices for the characters. I also do all the voices for her toys when we play (I do a mean Hallie and Stuffy from Doc McStuffins). I really need to stop doing that. Ha!

On the movie front, I finally crossed a movie off my movie bucket list: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid with Paul Newman and Robert Redford.  I’m amazed I never watched it since I’m a huge Paul Newman fan. Who wouldn’t be with those blue eyes and that sexy mouth? It’s okay to speak about him this way since he’s been dead for years. *wink* Seriously, though, I’m a fan of his acting and this movie didn’t change my mind. It was definitely action-packed and worth finally watching.

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I also watched a movie called The Beautiful Fantastic, which wasn’t as good, though it was clean and the cinematography was beautiful. It got a bit too cliche in parts but I enjoyed and I enjoyed watching Andrew Scott, who I first saw in Sherlock as Moriarty. I probably won’t watch him as the “Hot Priest” in Fleabag because that show really doesn’t sound like it would be my cup of tea. The Beautiful Fantastic also starred Jessica Brown Findlay and Tom Wilkinson.

It’s imagery and unique angles helped to spark my feelings of creativity, so there was that at least.

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So, how about you? How was your week? What are you reading? Watching? Listening to even? Let me know in the comments or link to a blog post where you shared what you’re up to this week!

Lisa R. Howeler is a wife, mom, writer and photographer. She resides in Pennsylvania and is a former journalist. She currently provides photographs for bloggers and for stock agencies, Alamy, and Lightstock.

 

Tuning out the ‘Negative Nellies’ in life

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings9 Comments

What is the deal with everyone being so negative these days?

It seems like the moment someone gets excited or hopeful there is someone to rush in and dump a bucket of cold, hard reality on them to make sure they think of the cons of it it all.

I call these so-called “realists” Negative Nellies.

And yes I do picture Nellie, Laura’s nemesis from Little House on the Prairie, when I think of the term “Negative Nellie.”

I know about Negative Nellies because I am a recovering one and sometimes I still slide down the negative rabbit hole. I find I’m more prone to stumble into the negativity mire after I’ve been looking at the national media or social media and, no, I do not think that is a coincidence.

Prime examples of negativity in my family’s lives recently are related to the selling of our house and trying to buy another one. Instead of being happy for us we’ve had comments like: “ooh. Wrong time of year to sell a house. Good luck with that.” (Where the “good luck” wasn’t actual well-wishing but more like “yeah.. like that will happen…”); “Did you make an offer on that house? You should have waited until something better came along.”;  and “You’d better make sure you move to a good school district or somewhere with good internet service because you’re going to have to stop homeschooling your child and put him in cyber school or he’ll never succeed in life.”

Unsolicited advice and negative comments about homeschooling are not new to me. They are usually passed down to me in passive-aggressive ways, under the guise of “trying to be helpful.” Each time the advice is given as if I asked for it or brought it up, which I didn’t.

 

The challenge for all of us is to figure out how to tune out the negative people we encounter in life. Sure, we can just cut them out of our lives, which I have done with a few people, but doing so just quiets the negativity for a short time and we will have to deal with it again and again from someone else.

alison-as-nellie-4If the negativity is chronic, as it was in the case of at least one person no longer in my life, then, yes, it’s necessary to step away. But if the negativity is only on certain issues then I try to just let the person go and shut them down with statements such as “Thank you for your advice. I will take that into consideration.” Or “you’ve given me something to think about” (even if that “something” is wondering why I still talk to that particular person.)

People who sound negative don’t always mean to be negative. Sometimes they feel they are offering cons of a situation to help in your decision making (even if you didn’t ask) or sometimes they are trying to be realistic because they don’t want to see you hurt. The problem is that many Negative Nellies don’t tell you they are concerned for you or want to help, they just blurt out their negative opinion and make you feel depressed and deflated.

Then there are the Negative Nellies who aren’t concerned for you at all. They’re concerned for themselves. Maybe they don’t want to lose the role you play in your life because it will inconvenience them in theirs. For example, maybe you’re not a close friend but you serve some purpose in their life, like watching their children or taking them to work or being someone that makes them feel like a savior so they can fix you and feel superior. So if you suggest you’re going to change that situation they like then they are going to morph into a Negative Nellie in an effort to manipulate you into not doing what will inconvenience them.

It is this last group that is important to recognize and steer clear from as much as possible. Unfortunately, the Manipulating Negative Nellies can be the hardest to recognize because, one, they use charm and passive-aggressive behaviors to attempt to hide their negativity and two, some of them may not even realize they are doing it. It’s also hard to shut the Manipulating Negative Nellies out because they seem like such people at other times in our lives. They aren’t as overtly negative as the grumpy-pants Negative Nellies.

As someone who only now sees some of her past behaviors falling under both brands of Negative Nellies, I don’t recommend clean breaks immediately from the people in your lives who fit this description. If they are someone within your family, for example, or a longtime friend, try to understand their motives for being negative first. If, however, the manipulation and negativity continues for no apparent reason, either let them talk but ignore them, or distance yourself from them as much as possible, removing their opportunity to even offer a negative opinion.

And if all else fails, push them down a hill in a wheelchair into a pond.

Faithfully Thinking: Is it true God only blesses you if you give money to the church? Can God be bought?

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings, Faithfully Thinking14 Comments

I was listening to a sermon Sunday and the sermon was good until the guest pastor got a little too excited in his bid to convince people to give to the year-end offering the church holds and said “Are you not getting a breakthrough (the new Christian buzzword, in case you don’t know) or aren’t seeing the blessings you think you should? Maybe it’s because you aren’t tithing (In Christianese this means giving to the church) what you should be.”

He went on to suggest people need to give money to the church or they will remain stuck in their negative situations. This rubbed me the wrong way, of course, not because I don’t think we should give money to the church. On the contrary, I do believe in tithing and I do believe that God provides us with our money and we should, therefore, give it back to him. What I don’t like is when pastors link that giving to receiving blessing or answers to prayers, from God.

Are they suggesting God can be bought? That God can be manipulated into doing what we want because we give money to his church?. And is it really his church if pastors are telling people they can only be blessed if they pay cash (or they accept VISA and MasterCard too.)?

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It reminds me of these clickbait emails I get from a well-known pastor with subject titles like “Do this one thing and your prayers will be answered.” Or “Five steps to get your healing.” I never even open those emails. That whole vending machine mentality, as I’ve said before, drives me crazy.  It’s like: “Slide this ritual in and get an answered prayer out.”

Is this really what Christianity has become? Some vapid, self-serving, misleading lip service to get clicks and social media rankings? Does God really only answer our prayers if we pray this way or worship that way or give our money to a specific church? I don’t remember reading in the Bible that God only provides if you write a check to a well-known, internationally reaching church, though I do feel giving to the church (as a whole, not a specific one necessarily) is important, especially in a day and age of such absurdity and craziness going on.

My big worry is someone hearing what this pastor said and starting to believe that if they give all their money to the church their cancer will be healed, their husband will stop cheating, or their father won’t be an alcoholic anymore. What happens when their cancer progresses instead? What happens when their husband tell them he wants a divorce? What happens when their father dies in a drunk driving accident? Despite the money they gave.

Will they feel they didn’t work enough, do enough, spend enough to have their situation changed?

What message is that sending? “Come all you who labor and are heavy burdened…but bring your wallets because only then will God give you rest.”? I’m pretty sure that’s not what Matthew 11:28-30 says.

It says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 

His burden is light. He doesn’t want to put more burden on you. He wants to help make what you carry through life easier. So why is the church heaping more burdens, in the form of guilt, on its people?

The Church preaches that Jesus died on the cross for everyone and the salvation that his sacrifice provided us is free. They’ll say that you don’t have to do anything to earn that salvation, to receive it, or God the Father’s love, but in the same breath, they’ll hinge your healing, your life change, your unanswered prayers on whether or not you gave money to the church. Something about that doesn’t sit right with me. There has to be a better way to explain that the church needs financial support, so it can continue to help those within and outside its walls without attaching guilt to it.

Oh, wait, that was it. Just say that. Just say: “We need your financial support to help reach those in need and spread the gospel. Give what you can, when you can. Prayerfully consider what you can give and give what you feel God wants you to.”

Remove the guilt. Remove the contingencies. Remove the false teaching that God will not bless you if you don’t give to the church during their once a year giving session. Remove the month-long sermon series to sway listeners to give you their money. It smacks more of manipulation than honesty to me and many others.

Don’t manipulate your church into giving money by acting like you can manipulate God. Don’t lay down little pieces of bread of life-supporting goodness in your sermon just so you can tie it all up with a reminder that next week is the week to open your pocketbooks.

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The one good thing the pastor who spoke this weekend said was to give only what you can give – though he ruined it by adding whatever was given needed to be a sacrifice, which to me still sounds like he’s suggesting church members should give beyond their means if they want their blessing or their “breakthrough.”

We, as a church, need to stop hinging blessings and breakthrough on performance.

We need to stop hinging healing on writing a check.

We need to stop acting like we can buy God off.

No, we shouldn’t stop telling the congregation the church needs them to give and that God does want them to give so the church can continue its work. But when people start believing their illness, their loss, their difficult situation is based on what they didn’t do or didn’t say, we have a communication problem.

I don’t think that’s the message God wanted pastors to pass on — that they didn’t do enough or weren’t enough to be healed, to be saved.

God does love us and he does want to provide for us and it delights him to answer our prayers but we don’t have to do anything for him to do that.

We do not have to be saved by our works because Jesus already did the work for us.

Give to your church what you can give, support their ministries and make giving money a regular act, but never feel that if you are stuck in a situation it is because you didn’t give or do enough.

God never asks us to do or be enough because he is enough through us.

This just got real

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn authentic, everyday musings5 Comments

There we sat three days before Thanksgiving, a huge sign in our front yard, announcing to the world the house we are living in is for sale and we’re looking to get out of dodge.

It’s a surreal feeling, sleeping in a house that one day soon may no longer be yours. You lay awake thinking of the memories made within those walls and how the building meant something to you but might not mean anything to anyone else and wondering if you will be okay with people scoffing at the way you didn’t keep up with maintaining your house the way you might should have.

You wish you’d painted the bathroom wall before the real estate agent came in, cellphone in hand to upload photos to the internet of where you lived for the past 16 years and where you still live, for the entire neighborhood to judge you by.

Someone we know recently put their house up for sale sale and because the person no longer speaks to us, an acquaintance thought it was okay to tell us “a friend went to the open house and said the house looks so bad inside. It’s sad.” The house doesn’t look bad inside. I’ve seen the photos and been in there, though not in a long time.

It’s amazing how lives get picked over based on the condition of a building and how judgments are made based on ripped wallpaper in a kitchen.

Money was something we had years ago so we added a new roof and a fence and new, laminate floors then. But since then we haven’t painted inside or scrubbed the heckola out of the tub like we should have. Now we are left with self-imposed guilt and maybe a little personal disgust at ourselves for not being on top of such things.

But . . . life happens.

Chronic illness sets in, stress happens, friendships are lost, family members pass away and eventually you don’t notice the flaws in the house because you stare at it every day and it’s just your house, so much less important than the gnawing worry in your gut that you’re somehow ruining your children or will never have real, meaningful friendships again.

So here we sit in this house, a sign in our front yard, photos live online and the soul of the house left open for others to judge and shake their heads at. It feels almost cruel, leaving what has sheltered us – our children and our pets for so long behind but yet we hope that when we do some other family will come and find within its walls the same comfort, the same shelter, the same memories to be made.

Maybe it will all come full circle – a young couple standing on the porch, like my husband and I did so long ago, unsure what the future would hold but hoping for the best. And maybe a baby will be added like it was for us and life will really begin and then one day, they’ll know that it’s time to move on — more space needed, a new job started — and step away like we did, only to start the cycle all over again when the house wraps its arms around another family.

Sunday Bookends: House selling, snowstorms and rediscovering art

On By Lisa R. HowelerIn everyday musings, recap of the week, week in focus19 Comments

Last week our house went up for sale and we prepared ourselves for a long wait before someone asked for a showing, even though we were hoping for a quick sale because we have a house we want to buy closer to my husband’s new job (and the purchase is contingent on the sale of the one we currently live in). Our house is a cozy, well-lived in house perfect for our little family, but it’s also a fixer-upper, so we didn’t expect people to rush to buy it. Imagine our surprise, and panic, when someone asked for a showing two days after the house went online. We were given seven days to repair a few, minor issues we thought we’d have at least a month, if not longer, to repair. As of now, we are down to four of those days with the majority of the repairs made, but a few still needed – including cleaning out my very full bedroom closet.

Of course, just because we’ve had a request for a showing doesn’t mean the people will be interested or buy it. This could be a long process and we know that. Our challenge next week will be getting the kids and the cat and dog out of the house at the same time. We don’t have friends or family near us so we’ve decided the kids will go to the library and I’ll wait in the parking lot with the animals in the van (since I have no plan to try to shove our cat into that little carrier again. The last time was for a trip to the vet a few months ago and my skin is still healing from some of the gashes she sliced across my skin.) I’m sort of hoping this process isn’t too drawn out since I don’t relish the idea of dragging the animals and all of us out of the house each time someone wants to look and see if our house can become their house.

The contents of that very full closet in my room have left me crying almost daily as I work through it, tossing scrapbooks into containers, photos of people who are now gone or no longer speak to us falling out of them. Then there are the journals, which I no longer look at because they contain too many cans of worms I prefer not to open. A couple interesting items I did find were old sketchbooks from college that contained images I took hours and hours to create but usually didn’t finish. Art was such a stress reliever back then but now I don’t seem to have the patience for it. Maybe I’ll get some patience back during the social media break I’m doing during December.

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I remember working on this project, which is made up of thousands of tiny dots made with an ink pen (a process called stippling) as a stress reliever but also as a way to focus better during college lectures. I find I can focus on sermons and lectures better when I can doodle of have something to do with my hands. I know there is science behind that but I don’t really want to research it and explain it here, so we will address that in another blog post.

Anyhow, I was working on this piece of artwork during a sociology lecture when the professor, walking up and down the aisle, pontificating about something sociology related, stopped and suggested I should be taking notes, not working on art. But then he said “So, can you listen to me better while you’re doing that?” I said I could. He looked at it again and said “That’s quite good. Carry on.” and then continued to walk up the aisle, rambling away.

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I need to finish that picture now that I’ve found it again. It would be a nice distraction, dotting away on a piece of paper, while the stresses of life (house selling, family and friend losses) swirl around me.

I should also finish this pen and ink sketch I started of The Beatles, I think.

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Our first snowstorm of the winter looks like it may hit us today and tomorrow, complete with a couple layers of ice and then up to 12 inches of snow. It even has a name- Snowstorm Ezekiel. At this point, we are just waiting to see what it actually brings in terms of snow or ice versus what the forecasters are saying. The big blob of pink and purple has been moving toward us but I haven’t seen much outside yet.

The snow will keep us inside but that’s a good thing considering we still have quite a few repairs to make and cleaning up to do before the showing.

So, how about you? What are you all up to or what have you been up to? How is the weather where you are? Cold? Warm? Let me know in the comments!

I’ll leave you with a verse from the book of Ezekiel in honor of Storm Ezekiel.

Ezekiel 37: 9-14 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”