Sunday bookends: Just glad to be alive to post today

The fact I am able to write a blog post this week is exciting to me and feels a little like a miracle.

It’s just a silly blog post but I am alive to write it. And I apologize ahead of time if it makes no sense at all!

If you didn’t catch my blog post from last week, I spent five days in the COVID unit of our local hospital starting Thanksgiving night. I just looked back at that original post that I copied from Instagram and I don’t think it makes much sense but, then again, a lot of my blog posts over the years probably haven’t made sense. Ha! The second blog post about my recovery didn’t make much sense either but it’s been quite a journey so I will cut myself some slack.

I came home from the hospital Monday night of this past week and am slowly recovering, trying to regain some sort of normalcy again. Making myself write this blog post is one way of getting some of that back. I am still worried about my cognitive state at this point, but I can write cognitive so that’s a good thing, right? I have issues with brain fog anyhow but COVID has stepped it up even more. I had never heard how bad it messed with you mentally until I got it.

So, I mentioned in my other post that I have developed a very odd internal tremor that started either when the symptoms of COVID (dry cough, high fever, exhaustion, loss of taste and smell) started or when I found out officially that I had Covid. I’m not sure which. The days all blurred together. I do know I had a bit of a mental breakdown when I saw I officially had Covid, terrified of what it would bring to my family.

I chalked the tremor up to the effects of the virus itself but it is still there and won’t go away even as I should be over the virus. I do have occasional breaks from it. It’s very hard to explain it other than to say I feel like I am sitting in a pot of boiling water all the time but without the heat. Or that my muscles are constantly twitching from the spine up through my head. Or that I’m sitting on a phone on vibrate 24/7. I also have a low roar in my ears but my ears have been stuffed for over a month so that isn’t leftover from Covid.

I think I mentioned in my post earlier in the week that I had something similar happen to me when my dog of 14-years died in 2017. My daughter was also sick around that time (she’d stopped eating and was tested for the flu), I thought I had cancer (don’t even ask! I really am crazy sometimes), etc. it all built up and a vibration similar to this developed. It took maybe two or three months to settle down. I’m hoping this will take less time.

So I have slowly been getting my taste and smell back and cried when I started tasting food like my mom’s homemade mashed potatoes.

On Friday night I smelled Little Miss’s gas and actually got emotional. Ha! I know! It’s crazy but it’s just another sign I am recovering. I lost my smell and taste on the 13th. My son did as well and he’s still waiting for it to come back. I reminded him I am a few days ahead of him in recovery so it should come soon. My husband only lost part of his smell. As far as we know Little Miss didn’t lose any of that.

What I’m reading

So reading actual books was not on my priority list last week. I couldn’t get my brain to settle most of the time and did way too much internet research. When that obsession settled down, I found that texting my family and friends and watching old comedies like The Andy Griffith Show and stupid Lifetime Christmas movies worked to calm me more than anything else.

I did try to read Virgin River by Robyn Carr on my final day in the hospital, but, well, I don’t think it’s a very well-written book so I struggled some. Or maybe it’s just because I already knew what happened since I watched the first season on Netflix a year or so ago.

When I got back from the hospital my joy was reading Paddington with Little Miss and doing all the voices. Daddy doesn’t know how to read it right, she says.

I’m now also trying to read Saving Mrs. Roosevelt by Candice Sue Patterson for a book tour and so far I am enjoying it. It’s so nice to disappear inside books again!

What I’m writing

I am planning on gutting my novel this week. I don’t have a lot of brain capacity at the moment for writing, really, but I’m trying to do a little editing at least and that’s actually helping my mental healing a lot.

I have no idea when I will share fiction on the blog again. It might be after Christmas at this point.

What I’m Watching

I watched a ton of The Andy Griffith Show last week, as I mentioned above. Comfort watching. It was what I needed. I also watched Lovejoy and Corner Gas with my husband when we were first dealing with COVID and then did a couple marathons of Corner Gas during recovery this past week. I watched a lot of Gordan Ramsey’s travel show on National Geographic while in the hospital and a couple of really dumb Lifetime Christmas movies. I suffered through Pitch Perfect 3 as well. Lord, that was awful and I don’t think it was awful just because of the COVID.

What I’m listening To

In the hospital, I listened constantly to my Christian music playlist that I had set up on Apple.

I listened to Elevation Worship and Crowder and Matthew West, Needtobreathe (ironic, no?), Natalie Grant, Cece Winans, MercyMe, Keith Green, Michael W. Smith, Rend Collective, and For King and Country, just to name a few. I highly recommend listening to music in situations like that. It truly calms the nerves.

So that’s my week in review. I somehow made it! I would love to hear how your week went. I don’t care if you just cleaned out your attic or decorated the house or baked some cookies. Please feel free to share with me in the comments!

A slow mental recovery from COVID

I’m slowly mentally recovering from my five-day hospital stay from COVID.

I was on a low flow (very low) of oxygen for about two days but had to stay longer to finish an antiviral treatment which may or may not have helped (there are mixed studies on it). I had to take five doses over five days.

I went into the hospital on Thanksgiving night. I’d been sick for about nine or ten days by then. I went to the ER when my pulse ox seemed to drop. The ER doctor admitted me and at first, it looked like I would have to travel to a hospital more than three hours from my house. That thought terrified me and my husband.

By some kind of miracle, a bed was found at our local hospital (larger than the one I went to for the ER), about 45 minutes from our house.

There is so much I could write about all this and so much I want to, but I’m not totally mentally there to do so.

This was the scariest situation I have ever been in in my life.

I relied completely on Christ. I felt his peace even when I didn’t know how I was feeling it. I wasn’t perfect in my faith, don’t get me wrong. I had doubts but when everything else is taken away from you all you have is God.

I couldn’t have visitors, or at least as far as I knew. I was truly alone other than the amazing staff and nurses. Well, and God, as I’ve already mentioned.

My roommate almost died Saturday night, two days before I left. That was so hard. I prayed over her and even rubbed her shoulders at one point and prayed for her o2 levels to come up. By laying on her side they would come up and at that moment it rose from the low 80s up to 98 as I prayed. I don’t know what really happened, but I was so grateful to see that number.

The staff was doing all they could to keep her off the vent. I called Wednesday to see how she was and the staff can’t tell me much since I am not family but they did say she was still there. I took that as a good sign that she had not been sent to the ICU yet. It is also possible they couldn’t get her in the ICU as there is a huge surge in our area right now.

I am now keeping track of seven people battling COVID in our area. They are a mix of vaccinated and unvaccinated, which is who was in the COVID unit at our hospital, according to the nurses and staff. This virus isn’t discerning at this point, unfortunately. We just need to get on our hands and knees and pray to God for it to get better soon and for the doctors to keep finding ways to treat people as best as they can.

When I was in the hospital the attitude was very positive. There was no negative talk allowed about what could happen, other than realistic reports on how we were doing in our care.

They had us lay on our stomachs for an hour at a time every four hours. We were given low dose steroids, cough medication, albuterol every four hours or so, low dose blood thinner shots in our stomachs once a day to prevent blood clots, any regular meds, encouraged to walk around and also given a breathing device to strengthen our lungs. And we all, pretty much all, were on a drug that some say can affect your kidneys, but our kidneys were tested through blood work at least twice during our stays.

My lungs remained clear my entire stay, thank God, even though I had an annoying cough. The cough medicine was mainly an exportent (sorry, I can’t spell that and am too lazy to look it up.)to keep the mucous thin and loose.

So, I’m home.

It’s been a weird journey since being home too.

I have an internal tremor that started a day or so after my symptoms started on the 16th of November. That’s pretty intense, especially when the anxiety kicks in but it’s similar to tremors I had after my 14-year old dog died in 2017. Doctors couldn’t figure that out then and the nurses were bewildered this time, other than to say the virus puts a huge amount of stress on the body of patients and they believe it’s a mix of that and insane anxiety.

Oddly, as I am typing this the internal tremor is better. A lot better. Hmmm..maybe getting back to writing and sharing with my lovely blog readers is helping to distract me. Praise Jesus!

I’m sure I’ll write more about all of this in future blog posts. Or maybe I won’t. I don’t know how much I can handle writing about it all. Even thinking about it is very traumatic at this time.

Thank you to those of you who prayed and who I know will continue to pray now.

Stay safe out there everyone but don’t live in fear. God has us, one way or another! (remind me of this when I find myself doubting again!)

A Convenient Risk: Book Review with Celebrate Lit

A convenient risk

About the Book

Book: A Convenient Risk

Author: Sara R. Turnquist

Genre: Clean Historical Romance

Release date: October 26, 2021

AConvenientRisk_Hugebook1

He never imagined her heart would be so hard to reach.

Forced into a marriage of convenience after her husband dies, Amanda Haynes is determined she will never love again. Not that it bothers Brandon Miller. He needs her husband’s cattle. She needs financial stability and long-term support for her son and herself. But she never expected to care so much about the running of the ranch.

Butting heads over the decisions of the ranch, only adds to her frustration. Her wellbeing is soon threatened as their lives become entangled with Billy the Kid and his gang.

What has she gotten herself into? What kind of man has she married? Is there any way out?

Click here to get your copy!

Review

I don’t usually read historical fiction, but I was intrigued by the plot of this book and I am glad I picked it up!

I didn’t even mind it took place in a different time period and in fact barely noticed because I was so caught up in the story.

It was very easy to become immersed in the lives of these characters and fall in love with them. Their challenges were very real and raw without being in the least bit graphic. There was just enough tension in the book to keep me turning the pages so I could find out what would happen next, but not too much that it was overdone.

I loved the real, raw reactions between Amanda and Brandon and there was more to this book than a simple romance, which I loved. Some books are only back and forth between the man and the woman and how they are feeling about each other but in this book both Brandon and Amanda had their own personal demons they were battling. They weren’t just focused on how they felt about each other, with long drawn out mental gymnastics like there are in some books. They did have their relationship with each other to consider since their situation was more unique and challenging than a normal relationship, but it didn’t consume the book or take away from the other storylines.

After reading this book I know I will be reading more books by Sara. She has sold me on historical fiction.

I was offered a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review and this review was my very honest opinion.


About the Author

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Sara is a coffee lovin’, word slinging, clean Historical Romance author whose super power is converting caffeine into novels. She loves those odd little tidbits of history that are stranger than fiction. That’s what inspires her. Well, that and a good love story.

But of all the love stories she knows, hers is her favorite. She lives happily with her own Prince Charming and their gaggle of minions. Three to be exact. They sure know how to distract a writer! But, alas, the stories must be written, even if it must happen in the wee hours of the morning.

Sara is an avid reader and also enjoys reading clean Historical Romance when she’s not traveling. Her books range from the Czech lands to the American Wild West and from ancient Egypt to the early 1900s. Some of her titles include The Lady Bornekova, Hope in Cripple Creek, The General’s Wife, Trail of Fears, and the Convenient Risk Series.

More from Sara

Hello, Readers!

I am always asked about the inspiration behind my work. These tidbits can be wide and varied from one story to the next. But none is so interesting, in my opinion, as the thing that sparked A Convenient Risk.

It just so happens that one of my good friends, best-selling contemporary romance author Hannah R. Conway, is my conference buddy. We go to writing conferences and retreats together, networking with other writers and learning more about the craft of writing.

And…at one such conference during some down time, Hannah (who is a fellow lover of history) said, “hey, let’s go to the cemetery.” I wasn’t quite so certain about that particular jaunt, but it was daytime and she raved about the history to be mined there, so I was in.

As we walked around, indeed we did look at stones—especially older ones—and thought about the lives of the people based on the era they lived in and whatnot. Just a heyday for our writer brains. We came upon a particular set of stones from the early 1900s. And, according to the little bit information on the stones, we determined that the woman had first married a man who was much older. Then he died. And she married a man closer to her own age. My writer wheels started turning!

Did her parents arrange a marriage for some sort of benefit? Maybe she was from a poor family and they needed her to have a better circumstance? At any rate, the man died a few years later. Then she married a man closer to her age…perhaps a man she had previously been in love with and had always wanted to marry?

I thought, then, about second marriages after a spouse passes. And how we tend to memorialize loved ones who pass—remember the good times and gloss over the hard, more challenging things. I don’t think this is a conscious thing, more of a way our mind handles grief.

So, if a widow must make a marriage of convenience, how does that affect her ability to develop love for the second husband if she is comparing him to this image of her first spouse in a way he wasn’t actually in real life.

Now, I don’t know for certain…I’ve only been married once (and thank the Lord my Prince Charming is patient enough to stick it out with this writer). But I wanted to work this scenario out within this fictive bubble…play with this concept…see where it led. After mixing that with a bit of history, throwing in a dash of a famous American outlaw, A Convenient Risk was born.

Blog Stops

For Him and My Family, December 1

Boondock Ramblings, December 1

Debbie’s Dusty Deliberations, December 2

Texas Book-aholic, December 3

Inklings and notions, December 4

Britt Reads Fiction, December 4

Ashley’s Clean Book Reviews, December 5

deb’s Book Review, December 6

Locks, Hooks and Books, December 7

Musings of a Sassy Bookish Mama, December 8

Because I said so — and other adventures in Parenting, December 9

A Modern Day Fairy Tale, December 10 (Spotlight)

Cats in the Cradle Blog, December 10

Blossoms and Blessings, December 11

Happily Managing a Household of Boys, December 12

Truth and Grace Homeschool Academy, December 13

Abba’s Prayer Warrior Princess, December 14

Giveaway

To celebrate her tour, Sara is giving away the grand prize package of a $50 Amazon gift card and an eBook copy of A Convenient Risk!!

Be sure to comment on the blog stops for nine extra entries into the giveaway! Click the link below to enter.

https://promosimple.com/ps/1417f/a-convenient-risk-celebration-tour-giveaway

Spotlight and Excerpt: Heart of Stone

Welcome to the Blog + Review Tour for Heart of Stone by David James Warren, hosted by JustRead Publicity Tours!

ABOUT THE BOOK

The continuing adventures of Rembrandt Stone from the creative minds of James L. Rubart, Susan May Warren, and newcomer David Curtis Warren, writing collectively as David James Warren.Heart of Stone

Title: Heart of Stone

Series: The True Lies of Rembrandt Stone #6

Author: David James Warren

Publisher: TriStone Media

Release Date: November 23, 2021

Genre: Time Travel Detective Series

Rembrandt Stone has nothing left to lose…or does he?

Detective Rembrandt Stone doesn’t recognize himself in the mirror. Doesn’t recognize the world he’s returned to. Doesn’t even know his own name. But he knows one thing…living in this world is impossible.

Good thing he has an ally—an unexpected friend from the past. And together, they just might be able to unravel the entire mess. But first…Rembrandt will have to return to the past one final time and intercept himself before he makes a lethal mistake.

Time has outwitted him. It’s time for him to outwit time. Can he reconstruct a past he just destroyed or is there nothing left of his world to save?

The explosive ending to the True Lies of Rembrandt Stone!

PURCHASE LINKS*: Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | BookBub

EXCERPT

They say that without hope, people perish.
I say hope crushes the soul.
That’s why I look away when Frankie Dale’s beautiful gray eyes fall on me as I
walk into Alexander Malakov’s third-story office.
The pulse of some electro-dance beat pumps in from the nightclub below, the odor
of bodies and a hint of reefer saucing the air. Turbo is on fire tonight, the line to get
into the club a half-block long despite the sultry July-heated night.
Alexander leans against the front of his desk, his arms folded over his gray silk
Brioni dress shirt, his cuffs rolled up—as if he’d actually do any of the bare knuckle
work it takes to keep his multi-million dollar organized crime empire running.
That’s why Vita, Alexander’s “XO,” the guy who delivers his orders, called me.
Vita is shorter than me, lean, blond and about my age, his face heavy with lines and a
scar that runs from his eye to his chin.
We’re work friends.
“Staz,” he says in greeting and I nod at him and walk over to Alexander. The
female—she can’t be Frankie, not right now—sits on the sofa. I can’t tell if she’s been
roughed up, but I don’t look at her, just in case.
“Thanks for coming,” Alexander says from his perch on the desk.
“Of course, boss.” I’ve played the undercover game for years, so this can’t be any
different. Booker briefed me earlier—wait for that, I’ll catch you up—and apparently,
I’ve been at this game for years, so sliding into my persona as Staz, Malakov’s right
hand thug is an old shoe.
According to my sketchy research, Alexander Malakov runs the biggest Russian
gang in Minneapolis, filling the void after Burke and I took down Somali warlord
Hassan Abdilhali some twenty years ago. According to Booker, Malakov’s also
recently declared war on the police department, hoping to carve out his own Little
Moscow in the North Loop.
I remember this part from past versions of my life—my 1994 Porsche 911 having
recently been a victim of this war.

And I know you’re wondering—past versions?
Again, wait for it. It’s worth it, I promise.
Alexander is vaping, and now sets down his cigarette. My guess is that it’s filled
with high end snow because he’s edgy and ticking with energy. I walk over and put a
hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”
“How did she get in here?” He directs the question to Vita, and I look at him,
expecting an answer, too.
“I don’t know. We found her in here rummaging around. Say’s she was lost, but I
don’t buy it.” Vita says.
Now I look at Frankie.
The sight of her makes me pinch the corners of my mouth and take a breath. Her
lip is bleeding, although that could be from a struggle. Frankie has it in her to cause
trouble, thanks to her parentage.
I know for a fact that Booker doesn’t know what she’s up to. But then again, she’s
in her mid-twenties and can make her own decisions.
If she were my daughter, I’d put a tracker on her.
Okay, not really, but the thought catches me, and I inhale sharply.
I had a daughter. Once upon a happier time. With blonde hair and blue eyes and
the kind of laughter that made me believe in things like hope, and faith, and love.
For the last month, I’ve tried to believe—to hope—that I could find her, save her,
bring her home. I haven’t succeeded.
Remember what I said about hope?

BOOKS IN THIS SERIES

CONNECT WITH REMBRANDT STONE: Website | Instagram


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

James L. Rubart, Susan May Warren, David Curtis Warren

James L. Rubart is 28 years old, but lives trapped inside an older man’s body. He’s the best-selling, Christy Hall of Fame author of ten novels and loves to send readers on mind-bending journeys they’ll remember months after they finish one of his stories. He’s dad to the two most outstanding sons on the planet and lives with his amazing wife on a small lake in eastern Washington. More at http://jameslrubart.com/

CONNECT WITH JAMES: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Susan May Warren is the USA Today bestselling, Christy and RITA award–winning author of more than eighty novels whose compelling plots and unforgettable characters have won acclaim with readers and reviewers alike. The mother of four grown children, and married to her real-life hero for over 30 years, she loves traveling and telling stories about life, adventure, and faith.

For exciting updates on her new releases, previous books, and more, visit her website at www.susanmaywarren.com.

CONNECT WITH SUSAN: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

David Curtis Warren is making his literary debut in these novels, and he’s never been more excited. He looks forward to creating more riveting stories with Susie and Jim, as well as on his own. He’s grateful for his co-writers, family, and faith, buoying him during the pandemic of 2020, and this writing and publishing process.

CONNECT WITH DAVID: Instagram


TOUR GIVEAWAY

(1) winner will receive one The True Lies of Rembrandt Stone print copy (winner’s choice) and a $10 Amazon gift card!

Heart of Stone JustRead Giveaway

Full tour schedule linked below. Giveaway began at midnight November 29, 2021 and will last through 11:59 PM EST on December 6, 2021. Winner will be notified within 2 weeks of close of the giveaway and given 48 hours to respond or risk forfeiture of prize. US only. Void where prohibited by law or logistics.

Giveaway is subject to the policies found here.

ENTER GIVEAWAY HERE

He is holding me in his hands

I posted this to Instagram today and will write more on my blog later …

Bettie.. please pray for me.

This is the view outside my hospital room where I am battling Covid. I came in Thursday and am already doing so much better. Would love prayers that that trend continues. I was on a small amount of oxygen when I came in and am off that now. I have prayed this entire time to Jehovah Rapha, Jesus Christ, our healer, Yeshua, Elohim, Adonai. Hold fast to him and he will hold fast to you. He has been there when no one else could be. I have had to go this alone as no visitors are allowed but I can talk to family on FaceTime. God has been my strength and I have no one to hold on to but him. It brings a whole new meaning to him sustaining me completely and wholly. Not sure any of this will make sense. The brain fog is rough and the steroids make me jittery. God bless.
covidsucks #covid #battlingcovid #godisgood #godisgoodallthetime #jesusmyhealer #trustjesus

Voices from the past

My son received a record player with all the bells and whistles for his 15th birthday this past weekend. It was a gift from us (his parents) and his grandparents (my parents).

It is a record player that also plays CDs, utilizes Bluetooth (so you can send music off your phone to it), and has an AM/FM radio. The record we ordered him hadn’t arrived yet but he wanted to try the sound out, so he plugged it in and sent a few songs to it from his phone.

In the meantime, my dad drug out a few old records he’d had stored away, and we decided we’d try those.

In the next couple of hours, me and my parents had more fun with that record player than my son did, although later he did say he was actually enjoying our delight. My dad found a couple of records that a cousin of his grandfather’s had recorded in the 60s in Nashville. He and my mom hadn’t heard these songs probably since the 70s or 80s, they weren’t sure when. They had record players over the years but don’t have one now and haven’t since I was a kid probably.

They also had records from a family friend who recorded some gospel songs and enjoyed listening to those too. And then I found an LP of With or Without You by U2, which my brother owned and we put that on for a listen too.

I ended up using my phone to record the songs by my dad’s cousin for my dad to share on Facebook. The player does have the capability of transferring from vinyl to mp3 but we have to install the software to a computer first so we decided to record a video on my phone instead.

The image isn’t steady because I’m dealing with vertigo again and it was really bad while I was trying to record it, but the music was recorded and that was what mattered.

The interesting thing was that my aunt called to wish my son a happy birthday and when I told her about listening to the music, she said she had actually found one of the records in a pile of papers earlier that day. We thought she might like to hear it as well, so we put the phone on speaker and she was able to listen in as well, hearing the music for the first time in probably 30 or 40 years. She turned 89 the next day so it was an early birthday present for her.

It was really a joy for me to see the joy the record player gave to my parents and aunt but also to those on Facebook who are related to the man who was singing and was also delighted to hear the songs.

The singer’s name was Bub Robinson. I wish I knew more about him and the songs. What I do know is that he did not hit the big time, though I wish he had because his voice was better than many of the artists out there today, but he did continue to perform locally, including with his son and I think occasionally with my grandfather, who was also a singer.

Now if we could find the records that feature my grandfather singing, I would be over the moon. He died when I was two and I’m sure I’ve heard recordings of him before because I can hear his voice in my mind somehow. He was sick with cancer when I was a baby and my mom said I was afraid of him because of his deep voice but that right before he died (in a bed at the home my parents now live in), I leaned over and kissed his cheek. She said he was delighted.

My dad has the records somewhere of Grandpa singing, he thinks, and he also has reel-to-reel home movies from the 60s of my grandparents which I really hope to see before the year is out.

If anyone knows where an old projector can be purchased, let me know in the comments. It would her nice to have another afternoon of delving into the past but this time we won’t steal my kid’s birthday gift to do it.

Looking back at October in photos

I really feel like I just did this post for September only a week ago. October absolutely roared by us. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact we are now in November.

November brings with it two family birthdays and a family anniversary. My son’s birthday is Sunday and my husband’s birthday is on the same day as my brother and sister-in-law’s 25th anniversary.

Other than the birthday and anniversary celebrations and Thanksgiving, I don’t have a ton planned for November.

October wasn’t super busy either, luckily. We had my daughter’s birthday, a few family outings, the drama of the cat having to be rescued from a tree by the fire department, and that was about it.

Here are some highlights of our month in photo form.

Fiction Friday: The Next Chapter Chapter 7 Part II

This is a story in progress. There may be typos, plot holes, etc. They are corrected (if my computer saves them in the right place unlike my last book. Grrr!) before publication in the future.

To catch up on the rest of the story click HERE.

Chapter 7 Part II

The house was set back off a dirt road, under the canopy of a pair of towering maple trees that Matt had been trying to convince his mom to cut down for five years now. The paint had faded some so that it wasn’t white anymore, but an off-white, closer to tan. The black shutters showed some neglect, even though Matt had painted them a few years ago, shortly after his dad had passed away. His chest constricted at the memory, how he’d painted them out of guilt more than vanity.

He needed to get down here and paint them again, as well as the whole house. Living in the middle of nowhere, five miles away, in a cabin that he and his dad had built when he was a teenager and working full time as a police officer, as well as studying for the state police academy, shouldn’t be an excuse. Then again, add in volunteering for the local pregnancy care center, his work with the Boys and Girls Club, filling in for Dan Trenton as a Boy Scout leader once a month, and helping with the youth at the church, and he didn’t have much time for painting or help his mom keep up the property the way he wanted to.

Hopefully, when his young brother, Evan, came from college for winter break he would help more. His older sister, Melanie, helped when she was able, but she had her own life — along with the lives of three children — to balance.

Pulling his truck up in front of the house, he shut off the engine and looked up at the front door, set back inside a wide front porch. Inside his mother was most likely busy creating in one way or another — either with food or her sewing machine. The house would be warm and inviting, the atmosphere one where he could easily relax and maybe even take a nap if he had time. He didn’t have that luxury, though. Not today. Today one of his best friends was getting married, while the other one would be moving into his cabin with him, staying there on his own during the week when Matt went away to the state police academy in two months.

He still couldn’t believe he’d been accepted to the academy at his age. He would be older than most of the other recruits, but he didn’t intend to let that slow him down. He’d had a dream of being a member of the state police since he was ten years old, and a trooper had let him sound the siren at a local safety fair. In two months that dream would be a reality and he was excited, yet also on edge. He’d be leaving his mom, unable to come to visit her every other day like he did now. For six months he’d live three hours away during the week and be able to return only on the weekends, helping her with the upkeep of the property. After that, he wasn’t sure where his first assignment would be. That would be up to the state police.

Leaving his mom wasn’t the only aspect of all of this that had him on edge, of course. There was the worry that he would flunk out of training, yes, but also the ache in the center of his chest at the thought of not being able to see Liz and Isabella.

He smiled at the thought of holding the tiny newborn that day in the hospital, how it filled his chest with more delight than he’d ever expected. He’d never thought he wanted children of his own up until the day his sister had given birth and let him hold her firstborn. Holding his niece had triggered something in him, a feeling which had lain mostly dormant until he’d held Isabella and laid her on Liz’s chest. Liz had been exhausted, hair matted with sweat, but she’d also been beautiful; the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in fact.

How was it that pregnancy and labor had made her even more beautiful to him? He had no idea, but he needed to stop thinking about all the things that weren’t in the cards for him — if he believed in cards instead of God — including Liz.

He needed to stop thinking, period. He had a lot to do today, starting with getting dressed for Jason’s wedding.

The sweet smell of apples and cinnamon hit him as he walked inside the house, the screen door squeaking, making a stealthy arrival impossible. Stepping through the parlor into the kitchen he found the source of the smell. His mother was standing next to the stove with her back to the doorway, stirring a long wooden spoon in a pot of applesauce she was preparing for canning.

Looking over her shoulder, his mom smiled. “There you are. It’s about time. You’re cutting it close, aren’t you?”

“All this for me?” He gestured toward the empty jars on the table.

 “Some of it for you, of course, but not all.” You’re not the only one who likes my applesauce on your pantry shelves all winter.”

He leaned over his mom and kissed her cheek as he dipped a finger in the applesauce. He stuck the finger in his mouth, chuckling as his mom gently slapped him in the shoulder.

She gestured toward the hallway. “Go on and head upstairs. Those cufflinks you were looking for are upstairs on the dresser. The shirt is in the walk-in closet in the spare room.”

It had been six years since his dad had died but his mom still kept a jewelry box full of various items of his on top of her dresser. Inside the small brown wooden box, he found the small gold cufflinks, engraved with the initial M, his dad’s old watch, still somehow ticking, a handful of change, and his dad’s class ring. He’d had the change in his pocket the day he died and somehow his mom couldn’t seem to let go of it.

She’d managed to move some of his clothes to the spare room two years ago, giving the rest of it away to goodwill or Matt and his brothers. The white dress shirt was the one Alan McGee had worn to his daughter’s wedding, held the year before he’d passed away. Matt considered himself lucky he and his dad were the same sizes. He’d needed a dress shirt for the wedding and his was at the dry cleaners after he’d bled on it while apprehending a drunk outside of Mooney’s a couple of weeks ago. It’d been quite a left hook but hadn’t caused much damage other than blood from his nose, luckily.

He snatched up the cufflinks and the shirt, pushing back the memories. He’d have to focus on that later. He didn’t have time to dwell on sentimental emotions. Heading back down the stairs he breathed in deep the smell of cooking apples.

His mom switched off the burner and reached for another full pot on the back of the stove. “Found them?”

He nodded and reached for a chocolate chip cookie sitting on a tray on the counter. He scanned the kitchen as he shoved the cookie in his mouth, taking in the canning jars filling the table and sitting along the counters, three trays of freshly baked cookies, two loaves of banana bread cooling, and two pies sitting next to an empty pie carrier near the fridge.

“Whoa. Mom. What’s going on? You opening a bakery?”

Rebecca McGee set the pot on the table next to a row of empty canning jars and smiled. Her 5-foot 3-inch frame looked even smaller when she was barefoot like she was now. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the stove and the rushing around. Matt knew she called herself plump and maybe she was compared to some, but he preferred to call her “fluffy” because that’s how she felt when he hugged her. Her blond hair, growing lighter by the day, was swooped upon her head in a fluffy bun, wispy strands fluttering around her forehead and face as she moved between the stove and kitchen table.

She slapped her son gently on the arm. “Very funny. No. I overextended myself. I agreed to bake something for three different community organizations.” She gestured toward the tray of cookies behind him. “That reminds me, I need you to take those cookies and pies to the Tanners for the reception. I’d take them myself, but I told Millie Baker I’d bring her the other two trays of cookies for the Friends of the Library bake sale fundraiser and I need to seal these jars up before I leave. If I time it right, I should be able to get the cookies to Millie, the banana bread to the pregnancy care center for their dinner tonight, and then make it back before Ellie walks down the aisle. If you take the cookies, then I won’t have to try to balance them while rushing to find my seat before the ceremony starts.”

Matt stole another cookie. “First, it isn’t really an aisle. It’s just a path between the chairs in Jason’s backyard. Second, you could have asked me to help you with the other deliveries too. I would have had plenty of time if I’d known.”

Rebecca placed a funnel in the mouth of a jar then paused, hands on her hip as she took a deep breath. “Oh, it’s fine. You have enough on you today.” She sized her son up for a few seconds, which made him stop mid-bite.

“What? Do I have crumbs on my chin?”

“How’s Liz and that beautiful baby?”

His chest constricted. Alert. Awkward conversation ahead.

“Um. . .” He commenced chewing. “She’s tired but good. Isabella is even more beautiful than when I first met her.”

Rebecca’s hands were still on her hips. “Mmhmm. Right. About that day. When you first met her. The moment she exited Liz’s womb. In the front seat of your truck. We haven’t had a chance to talk about that.”

Matt snorted a laugh. His mom was nothing if not blunt. “Nothing to talk about. We went for a ride to the pond, and she went into labor. That’s all.”

“And you two are . . .what? Friends? More than friends?”

Matt walked to the fridge. “Got any milk?”

He could feel his mom’s eyes boring into his back as he opened the door and reached for the carton. “You know the Tanners are going to be making a special milk sometime next year. They’re building a bottling plant and have already tested a good portion of their jersey cows.”

He reached for a glass in the cabinet next to the fridge, keeping his back to the woman who gave birth to him, the woman who could read him better than anyone, the woman who was not going to back down from this conversation without divine intervention.

“Annie told me. She also told me about the corn maze and the pumpkin farm they’re planning for next year.” He didn’t have to turn around to know she’d folded her arms across her chest. “Matthew, you know I like Liz. I like her a lot, but I don’t want to see you hurt. What’s her relationship with Isabella’s dad? If it’s who I’ve guessed it is, I hope she isn’t in any relationship with him. I don’t often say this, but he’s a waste of space at this point in his life.”

Matt guzzled half the glass of milk and dragged his hand across his upper lip as he turned around and leaned back against the counter. “Liz and I are friends, Mom.” He shrugged a shoulder and drank the rest of the milk, turning quickly to put the glass in the sink. He filled it with water like he knew his mom would ask him to. “I’m just helping her out. Gabe’s not in the picture right now and I don’t think he ever will be.”

Rebecca sighed, a long deep sigh, with a tinge of sadness. “Okay then. If you want to stick with that story, then —”

He laughed. “Stick with what story?” He slid an arm around her and hugged her against his side. “You worry too much, Mom. Listen, we’ll talk more about this later, but right now I have to get over to Jase’s before his head explodes.” His phone dinged as he released her. “See? I bet that’s him, telling me to hurry up. I bet Alex is falling down on the job, and he wants me to replace him as his best man.”

Rebecca shook her head and kissed his cheek. “Well, whatever is going on between you and Liz, feel free to bring her out here soon for some lunch. I’d love to finally get a look at that beautiful baby, and the woman who has my son so flustered these days.”

Flustered? He was not flustered.

He snatched the shirt from over the back of the chair, pushed the cufflinks into his front jean pocket, and waved over his shoulder. “See you at the Tanner’s later, Mom. Don’t work yourself too hard. Wouldn’t want to be too tired to interrogate me more later.”

“And don’t think I won’t, my boy.”

Matt smiled and shook his head as the screen door slammed behind him. At least when his brother came home from college, she’d have someone else to focus her attention on.

She was a persistent woman. The only problem with her planning to interrogate him was that he didn’t know what to tell her. He didn’t know what he and Liz were.

Friends? He hoped so.

More? No. They weren’t but he certainly wouldn’t protest if she wanted to be.

He glanced at his phone’s lock screen as it rang. Looked like the topic of conversation was trying to reach him. He didn’t have time, though.

He tapped the decline button and shoved the phone in his pocket. He’d see her soon enough at the wedding. They could talk then.

Faithfully Thinking: Trusting God in the Waiting

Several times in the last week I have heard someone — either online friends or pastors — talk about trusting God in the waiting seasons of our lives. Those seasons could either be when we are waiting for God to answer our prayers about an issue or when we are waiting for Him to tell us what step we should take next in our lives.

I have been in those times of waiting and I am there again. This time there are a few issues I am waiting on and my issues are not any more serious than anyone else’s. In fact, they are probably much less serious than some I know right now.

No matter how serious the issue or concerns, though, God is with us in the waiting. There is always a reason we are in a holding pattern in our lives. Maybe God wants to show us something or maybe he simply is asking us to draw closer to him in our time of uncertainty.

Pastor Larry Bray recently said in a sermon at Elevation Church that when there is a period of waiting in our lives, many of us fill that empty space with other things. We fill it with fear, with anger, with bitterness, with hurt toward God and some of us fill it with excuses. We also try to pray the space away instead of asking ourselves what we can learn in the waiting.

I know when I faced an extended time of loneliness, I prayed for God to take it away and “fix it.” I didn’t like the loneliness and quiet and feeling so alone. I still don’t. I’m still somewhat in that place and it’s very uncomfortable. Being alone and feeling like an outcast is in some ways normal to me but it’s also an uncomfortable place to me. (An aside: because I feel like I’m an outcast or alone doesn’t mean I am either of those things. We can feel something but that doesn’t make it a fact. As I’ve heard said before — a feeling is not fact and fact is not a feeling.)

When I was asking God to change my situation, I was rejecting anything he might want to teach me through it. I still don’t really understand this period of isolation I’ve been walking through, but I do see some positives. I have found myself in a time of more simplicity; a time where I can learn more about what God wants for my life. I wish I could say this time has pushed me to read my Bible more, have more quiet times with Christ, but I haven’t always filled my waiting time with what I should be. I’m not saying that I haven’t ever found myself with more time to do a devotional or read the Bible and not taken that opportunity, but I have not taken the opportunities as often as I should have.

Are you in a period of waiting?

Do you find yourself standing in the middle of where you were and where you want to be?

Maybe it is with a health concern or a career choice or even a relationship.

Is there a way you can “hunker down”, so to speak, in this time in your life and practice patience while you wait for God to show you what he wants in your situation?

I’m horrible at practicing patience.

When God handed out patience, he obviously sprinkled a tiny bit in me, hoping it would grow naturally. Sadly, I obviously have the talent of killing what God has placed in me to grow in the same way I have a talent for killing all plants.

But maybe those things I think I’ve killed are really not all the way dead. Maybe they are only, to borrow a term from The Princess Bride, mostly dead. They are still alive enough that with a little bit of watering and feeding from God’s word they can regain their strength and grow the way God intended them to.

I may never have perfect patience, but maybe I can have just enough to stop my striving and instead listen to what God wants me to learn in my waiting.

Once we’ve learned what we need to do during our time of waiting, then we can step forward into the future God has planned for us, leaving doubts and mistrust behind. Our time of waiting may be short, or it may be long, but no matter how long it is, God will be there with us.

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. Lamentations 3:25