Welcome to my blog! I am a wife and mom from Pennsylvania who also happens to write. I have been writing for 25 years, fourteen of those for smalltown newspapers in rural Pennsylvania and upstate New York. I'm a homeschool mom, a cozy mystery writer, a photographer, a wife, and a mom of two. I blog a little bit about a lot of things here on the blog. You can also find me on Instagram.
We had a nice Easter, just in time for a snowstorm to hit our area. Yes! You read right. A snowstorm in mid-April. I can’t even believe it at this point. It’s like winter will never end.
Hopefully, most of that snow will be gone by tomorrow morning, but in the meantime, my husband pulled out the kids’ winter boots that he had already put in the closet and his snowblower. Much of the area was out of power this morning, including my parents, but we somehow managed to only lose it for about three hours in the night at our house.
We did actually have snow very much like this on the same date two years ago but it’s still surreal for me to see snow this late in the year. Maybe such things happened when I was a child too and I simply don’t remember it. I’m not sure since I seemed to live my life in the clouds back then and sometimes still do.
Even though I am sick of winter, I do enjoy huddling under a blanket with a good book or while working on a blog post so I am handling this unexpected storm a little better than I otherwise might have.
For the second week in a row, we missed Little Miss’s gymnastics class due to unforeseen circumstances. Last week her nose was all messy from a little bug we had and this week the snow started just as we were getting ready to leave.
Luckily her gymnastics studio allows her to make up classes later in the week.
On Easter Sunday we held a short egg hunt for the kids, even though Little Miss was more excited than her brother, who simply picked up the obvious eggs she missed — like those sitting out in the open that she ran past.
The Boy was suffering from the virus that Little Miss and I had had the week before. No, not the Dreaded Virus. Thank God.
We are having a short spring break part of this week from schoolwork and then it is back to the grindstone to finish out April and May.
As for the weather, it is supposed to warm up by this weekend and hopefully, we will soon have some nice days when we can play outside and open the windows in the house.
I hope the weather is a little nicer where you are, but if it isn’t, I am sure it will be soon.
Today is Easter Sunday! Happy Easter! Or for Christians, happy Resurrection Day! He has risen! He has risen indeed!!
It is hard to imagine that around this time two years ago, my family was living with my parents until the financing worked out for the house we are living in now.
It was an interesting time and I love my parents, but I am glad to be in our own house and I am sure they are as well. We are also glad, however, to live only ten minutes away so that we can see them often, including today when we will have Easter dinner with them, followed by an egg hunt in the yard for the kids.
The weather warmed up this past week and it was so needed for the physical and mental health of not only me and my family but so many others.
On Tuesday, Little Miss and I spent most of the afternoon and evening outside. She made her nature salad (which consists of her gathering grass, leaves, flowers, and other natural substances to make a type of salad we pretend to eat), the animals explored outside, and then we did our schoolwork outside as well.
Before dinner and then during it, I read on the porch and listened to Aaron Watson (a country singer) while my husband cooked pork chops on the grill.
It was such an awesome and relaxing day, and I didn’t want it to end. I especially didn’t want it to end when I saw the weekend was bringing rain and more chilly weather.
What I’m Reading
I wish I had something more exciting to report on the reading front, but I’m still reading the same books I have been for a while.
I should finish Miss Julia Rocks the Cradle this week and a book by Jennifer Knipfer.
I’m also still reading Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain when the mood strikes me.
The husband is reading a book that I’ll add here if he tells me before I post this. Last week he told me after I posted and after he read that I didn’t know what he was reading. (Update: my husband is reading The Long Legged Fly by James Sallis.)
Little Miss and I are still re-reading the Little House on the Prairie books and are currently on On The Banks of Plum Creek.
What I/We Watched/Are watching
This week I watched parts of the livestreams of The Chosen seasons one and two, including this very important scene:
If you haven’t seen the show, here is a preview for season two, which is already available in a variety of places, including The Chosen app on your phone.
To reignite my love of writing, I’ve been watching a lot of interviews with authors, including this one with Lee Childs, author of the Jack Reacher books:
And this one with Craig Johnson, author of The Walt Longmire Mysteries:
I loved Johnson’s interviews the most because he’s so much like the characters he writes about. He’s the real deal – writing about a sheriff in Wyoming while living there himself and basing the characters on people he knows.
What I’m Writing
As I mentioned on Friday in my Friday Fiction post, I am moving forward on Mercy’s Shore, the next book in the Spencer Valley Chronicles, while also making revisions and fixing issues with Beauty From Ashes. I’m only a chapter in on the next book so I have a long way to go and I’m fine with that. I’ll be taking my time and maybe sharing some of it on the blog down the road.
It’s Easter Sunday so of course I have to listen to:
And here is a fun version of the classic Because He Lives:
Now It’s Your Turn
Now it’s your turn. What have you been doing, watching, reading, listening to or writing? Let me know in the comments or leave a blog post link if you also write a weekly update like this.
The best part of writing a fiction story is when the characters start to come to life in my mind. When that happens, I start to daydream about them— including their interactions, personalities, and conversations they might have with other characters. The magic really happens later on the page as I start to write it all down and the character starts to tell me their story from their point of view.
The daydreaming phase has started with Mercy’s Shore, book four in the Spencer Valley series, when I thought it might never come. This week I started to get to know Ben Oliver, the main character, better Now that we are getting a feel for each other, I’ll be able to tell his story.
It will take me a few more chapters before I really know Ben, obviously, but he’s starting to give me a peek at who he is, which he also did when I started to write a character biography for him a month or so ago.
Only through his actions, conversations, and interactions with those around him will I really find out who he is, though, and that will require me to just write.
As I write scenes begin to piece themselves together, other characters begin to show themselves, and conversations evolve from one piece of dialogue to the next as I imagine what one person would say and what the logical, or more interestingly, the more illogical response will be.
Before I know it, I’ll have Ben’s full story down on the page.
Now I just have to get to know Judi even better than I did in Harvesting Hope and add her story to the mix. Or maybe I’ll just stick with Ben telling the story. I plan to make that decision this weekend, but I have a feeling that Judi is the kind of person who isn’t going to let someone else tell her story. Not again that is. Ellie told it for the most part in Harvesting Hope. Now it’s Judi’s turn to speak out.
Now a little update for my blog readers on future plans for the Spencer Valley Chronicles:
As it stands now, I have (possible) plans for at least one more full-length novel and three novellas.
One novella will focus on the story of Molly’s grandparents Ned and Franny Tanner and will be historical in nature as we go back to when they first met.
Another novella will focus on the origin story of Robert and Annie, Molly’s parents.
A third novella will focus on Ginny and Stan Jefferies’ (you will learn more about them in Beauty From Ashes if you didn’t read the chapters on here) daughter Olivia and . . .well, you’ll have to wait to find out.
The full-length novel will feature Alex from The Farmer’s Daughter as the main character as he works through issues with his father, who, if you remember from The Farmer’s Daughter (spoiler if you have not read that) had been diagnosed with cancer.
I won’t give a time frame for when all these books and novellas will come out since I do have a couple of stand-alone books I am interested in writing in between.
I had considered writing a book about Spencer’s newspaper editor, Liam Finley, and I may still do that but I don’t know if I will include that book as part of the Spencer Valley Chronicles, or make it a separate, stand-alone novel. That story is starting to capture my attention more and more, probably because of my own background in newspapers and my current connection to them as well.
If you’ve been following along with these stories, what storyline most intrigues you? And are there stories of other characters you would like to see expanded on as well?
Author: Lucinda J. Miller (Last name now Kinsinger)
Genre: Memoir
Release date: July 25, 2017
Plain? Yes. Simple? Well…
If you live in a conservative Mennonite community, edges are sewn shut and questions have answers. So if you’ve got a saucy tongue and a roving curiosity about the world, you’ve got a story to tell.
As a schoolteacher in a small Mennonite school in rural Wisconsin, Lucinda J. Miller wears long dresses and a prayer covering. But she uses a cell phone and posts status updates on Facebook. So why would a young woman with access to all these technologies remain in a sheltered community like the Plain Mennonites? How can someone with an eye for beauty and a sometimes sardonic wit stay within a tradition that values discipline and submission and uniformity?
Anything But Simple is the stirring memoir of a young woman’s rich church tradition, lively family life, and longing for a meaningful future within her Mennonite faith.
As I began to read Anything But Simple I saw so many similarities between the author Lucinda J. Miller and me that I found myself glued to the pages. Our life similarities include her ideas about writing, her experiences with her family, her view of her father, and her many questions and doubts about her faith, though she never left her faith and neither have I. I found those similarities despite the fact I did not grow up as a Mennonite and Lucinda did.
When I was reading this book, I saw another review for it where the reader said they were bothered the book didn’t offer any explanations of what the difference between the Amish and Mennonites was. I was baffled by this review because the book’s subtitle is “My life as a Mennonite.” I bring this up not to criticize the reviewer, who may have sure misunderstood the goal of the book, but to bridge into the issues Miller herself dealt with while writing the book.
When she was writing this book, she had a friend suggest she write about how Mennonites are “different from everyone else.” Miller doesn’t feel different from everyone else, other than how her faith shapes how she looks at life. In many ways, her family is the same as every other family, so her goal in this book is not to show how Mennonites are different from others but how they are the same.
This book does a very good job of showing how similar humans are no matter what faith they are a part of. The human condition isn’t something limited by the faith we were brought up in. Miller tells us her personal story in an entertaining way that delicately balances triumph and heartache. There are times I can’t help but feel heartbreak for the internal struggles she faced during her teen and early adult years, probably because they so closely mirrored mine. These struggles — the feeling she didn’t fit in and how she often felt shy and withdrawn — though tough, was what helped shape her foundation for a fulfilling adulthood. Seeing her spread her wings and step into a future as a writer, one she wasn’t sure she could have with the background she was brought up in, was very satisfying, again because I could relate so viscerally to what writing represents to her.
“Writers did not have to be pretty,” she writes. “They were very often odd-looking, according to their pictures. And the odder the writer, the better the writing. Reclusiveness, for a writer, was expected. Unhappiness was just a bonus that gave you something to write about and opened up the wells of passion within your being. If you were miserable, ugly, hated, alone, still you were okay. Because you still had the Dream. No one could take it from you.”
Some memoirs turn into a negative look back at their childhood, but Miller’s book doesn’t do that, or at least not often. For the most part, she looks back at her life as a Mennonite as a positive experience, not as something to be spurned or mocked. She writes about her journey through life, and how being a Mennonite affected that journey, but also about Mennonites in general and how they look at life and relate to others.
Miller’s prose is poetic, making what could have been a mundane retelling of a life feel more like a majestic journey into the mind of an intellectualist who has finally allowed herself to be an intellectual and not feel guilty about it.
About the Author
Lucinda J Miller Kinsinger has always viewed herself as a shy little Mennonite girl, but refuses to let that stop her from pursuing what she loves—whether that’s writing with honesty and vulnerability or traveling to a remote village in China. In 2019, she married Ivan, the love of her life, and moved from the flat, tree-lined fields of her childhood home in Wisconsin to the rolling hills of Garrett County, Maryland. The couple has a baby daughter, Annalise. Since the publication of Anything but Simple, Lucinda has published a second memoir, Turtle Heart: Unlikely Friends with a Life-Changing Bond. She is a columnist for Anabaptist World and blogs at lucindajkinsinger.com.
More from Lucinda
Me, and The People Who Shaped Me
My dad used to say that every person in your life is placed there by God for a reason. Even the ones you don’t like are there to teach you something.
Learn.
If you don’t, God may send someone else to teach you the same lesson you couldn’t learn the first time around.
Anything But Simple is my story, the story of a shy little Mennonite girl growing up to be a writer and asking questions along the way. It is also the story of the many people who enriched my life.
My dad, with his black hair and handsome face and stories from his past.
My mom, with her smooth sweaters and her sure and solid love.
My bishop with his mouth that turned down like a turtle’s.
My creative writing professor who loved words in a way I had never seen in anyone but myself.
Charlene.
Mara.
Deqo.
Jake.
From these people and alongside these people I arose, breathing, questioning, earnest.
Our journey, like the journey of all the squiggly and intricate humans that wander the face of the earth, is anything but simple.
There can be a variety of reasons writers lose their love of writing. Maybe it’s an illness, a critique, or simply the busyness of life, but writers often lose their love of writing and desperately want to find it again.
Writing is therapy for many people, even those who don’t consider themselves professional writess. It’s a way for them to escape from the stresses of life, but also to express their creativity. In many cases, writing is more for the writer than it is for the reader, even though the reader is a very important component of the writing process.
Watch other writers talk about writing
As I mentioned recently here on the blog, I have been struggling with getting back into writing for various reasons, so I’ve found myself watching videos by other writers, of all levels — from amateur to professional.
I enjoy watching writers talk about their projects, their process, their love of other writers, their routines, their love of writing in general.
In the past, and recently, I’ve found myself caught up in watching New York Times Bestselling author Jerry B. Jenkins who writes a lot of Christian fiction, especially end times stories. He is most famous for co-writing The Left Behind series. I watch his videos on Youtube, including this one:
2. Read
It is true what other writers say, if you want to write well then you need to read and read a lot. Read in the genre you are writing, read beyond the genre you are writing in, read fiction or non-fiction. It doesn’t matter what you read, just read. Learn about different styles of writing and how other authors put together their stories.
Yes, you can read books about the act of writing as well, but reading completed works, those celebrated and even those not, can help you learn both how to write and how not to write, or maybe it would be better to say how you want to write and how you personally don’t want to write.
3. Experience life away from the computer or notepad
Sometimes the mere act of going out and experiencing life, whether that be taking a walk in nature or a visit to a busy area of your town or city, can be enough to reignite your desire to write again.
An interaction you witness between two people or an interesting character you meet might inspire a new story or blog post. Going out and taking your mind off writing could also simply clear your mind of all that mental clutter that’s clogging up your creative flow.
4. Turn off the news and social media
Nothing saps my creativity quicker and more completely than losing myself in news sites or social media. Even quick glances at either of these medias can send me mentally spiraling out of control. I’m either mired in a depressive, hopeless state after doom-scrolling through the news or I am overwhelmed with the comparison game or the melancholy tendencies of social media.
I even wrote two blog posts about this in the past:
For me, one of the best ways to find my love of writing again is to simply start to write. I don’t necessarily go back to writing what I was writing when I lost my passion for writing, of course. Sometimes I do, simply to try to break through the wall I’ve hit in a piece.
When an artist feels stunted in their creative endeavors, they sometimes walk away from the medium they are most familiar with in an effort to recapture the creative spark. It can be the same for writers. If a writer is more familiar with fiction, they might try their hand at writing non-fiction or a blog post, or even journaling to try to break the creative dam open again.
Bonus Tip: Journaling
Journaling can give a writer who worries too much about making their writing perfect the freedom to express themselves in private. Journaling allows them to write, knowing they never have to share what is in their journal if they don’t want to.
Whatever it is that has squashed your love of writing, don’t let it stay squashed. If it brought you joy to write, to string words together and see how they sound rolling off your tongue, then continue to write. Find your way back not only to your writing but to your joy.
Welcome to Sunday Bookends where I ramble about what I’ve been reading, doing, watching, writing, and listening to.
What’s Been Occurring
We enjoyed some warmer weather last week, which was followed by rain that led to some cold symptoms for Little Miss and me. That lasted three days and was not fun but at this point, we are used to it. The weather changes have been doing this to us every time and we’ve had these drastic weather changes about four times in the last couple of months.
It is very frustrating as we end up trying to figure out if we are actually sick or if our bodies are just trying to adjust to the temperature drop. Then, once we figure out it is the temp drop, the temperature rises and then we feel better — then the next week it drops again and we are back to feeling miserable. We just need some weather stability.
The kids were able to get outside at least one day during the week to have some fun in the yard before the cold and rain came back.
Honestly, I’m completely over the winter weather and my body is as well. The up and down in the temps and barometric pressure are affecting me both mentally and physically and I’m really looking forward to actual spring coming this year.
At the end of the week, we traveled an hour north to where we used to live to get our dog groomed at a new groomer and I stopped by to visit our former neighbor.
My husband and the kids also went to a local playground that has been torn down and remodeled from when we used to live there.
Last week wasn’t much to write home about, to be honest, so not sure why I am writing about it here. *wink*
What I’m Reading
I’ve been reading Miss Julia Rocks the Cradle by Ann Ross in the evening and it’s finally picking up a bit.
I got distracted by Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain one night this week when I saw it in my Kindle and have been enjoying reading that before I fall asleep at night.
Alas, I do have a book to finish for a book tour next week, but luckily I only have a couple of chapters of Anything But Simple by Lucinda Miller left to read.
After that I am reading through a book for an indie author to catch any typos and then I have an advanced reader’s copy of her upcoming book to read.
I will probably finish the Miss Julia book before I start the novella so I’m not reading a bunch of books at the same time yet again.
Little Miss and I are reading On the Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder again, which is fine with me because this is the book where they meet Nellie Olson. I love the stories about Laura and Nellie.
The Boy is reading a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman called Smoke and Mirrors.
I’m not sure which book my husband is reading right now. He reads much faster than me and it’s hard to keep up with which book he is on sometimes. Plus, I couldn’t ask him because he had taken our daughter to an Easter egg hunt while I was writing this.
What We’re Watching
I’ve been watching a lot of The Mary Tyler Moore Show this past week (again) and that is pretty much all I’ve been watching, except for sermons. I’ve been putting sermons on and listening to them throughout the day to try to keep myself focused on things other than the craziness of life and health concerns.
We also watched a couple Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. One of them was a premiere of a new episode thanks to a Christmas gift from my brother and sister-in-law. We receive new episodes ever two weeks on the Gizmoplex, a app on our Roku, or a site online.
If you don’t know what MST3K is about, it is essentially where the characters from the show watch a horrible movie and mock it while the viewer watches them mock it and then usually mocks the movie along with them.
Last weekend my husband, son, and I watched one that was truly horrible and had a blast making fun of it along with the MST3K group.
What I’m Writing
I have not been writing a ton, fiction or otherwise, but I hope to rectify that this week. I have been planning the next book by jotting down an actual — gasp! — outline but felt something was off as I started to write it. I hit on the reason for the off feeling and have changed the start of the book to reflect the plot and main characters better so hopefully, I can get going on it this week. I had my main characters becoming involved way too late and was also still struggling with getting to know my main character.
I’m not stressing about the delay in my fiction writing, but I do notice that when I get into a book, I feel less stressed because I am having fun focusing on something other than my health or whatever else is making me anxious.
I did share a fiction update on Friday and a Faithfully Thinking about depression earlier in the week. Earlier today I also shared a book review of Every Star in the Sky as part of a book tour.
And this awesome relaxation video for when I take my bp.
Now It’s Your Turn
Now it’s your turn. What have you been doing, watching, reading, listening to or writing? Let me know in the comments or leave a blog post link if you also write a weekly update like this.
She is willing to testify against her trafficker. If she can stay alive that long.
“You’re safe here, Starr.”
How many times has Detective Cole Blacksky said that to her since helping her escape the life she’d been forced into eight years earlier?
Starr desperately wants to believe him, but she knows Brady Erickson, her former captor, too well. Although Cole has promised her protective custody on his family’s remote ranch, no place on earth is safe enough. Brady will stop at nothing to permanently silence her before she ever reaches the witness stand.
And he is powerful enough to do it.
If Starr wants to help Brady’s other victims, she has no choice but to put herself in God’s hands. And Cole’s. But the longer she and Cole stay hidden, the more her life is at risk.
Every Star in the Sky is a tough read in many ways. It is tough to read about the life of the main character, but it is also necessary to understand that while this book is fiction, it is based on situations that are actually happening around the world. There may be some of us who don’t believe that sex trafficking is happening in Canada or the United States or the UK. That’s something that happens in other countries, not ours, right?
Wrong.
Sex trafficking is much more prevalent in our countries than we even know and this book will open many eyes to that.
While I very much liked the effort of the book to open our eyes to the horrors of sex/human trafficking, I found some of it to be unbelievable. The way the story transformed into a love story was not what I expected and I found it more like wishful thinking than reality part of the time. I feel it would have taken the main character a lot longer to overcome the trauma of what she went through. I could, however, be completely wrong and that does not mean I did not enjoy the book. I very much enjoyed the book, as much as you can enjoy such a heartbreaking story based in reality.
I enjoy the author’s writing and how she weaves a story and makes the characters very real. I absolutely loved the main characters and the side characters also charmed me (the grandmother just stole my heart. Seriously).
Even though I had some reservations about how a couple of parts of this book unfolded, I hope it doesn’t sound like I do not recommend it. I wholeheartedly do. My concerns about some of the plot (very, very minor issues really) does not take away from the impact of this story. More than once it had me cringing because I had to face the darkness. It had me wishing I could close my eyes against the words. It had tears in my eyes because I know this life is all too real for some woman out there right now.
I encourage you to get a copy of this book and be prepared to not only be exposed to a world you might wish you didn’t know about but also to a world where there is hope, where there is beauty from ashes, where there is redemption and physical, emotional, and spiritual healing.
About the Author
Sara Davison is the author of four romantic suspense series—The Seven Trilogy, The Night Guardians, The Rose Tattoo Trilogy, and Two Sparrows for a Penny, as well as the standalone, The Watcher. A finalist for more than a dozen national writing awards, she is a Word, Cascade, and Carol Award winner. She currently resides in Ontario with her husband Michael and their three mostly grown kids. Like every good Canadian, she loves coffee, hockey, poutine, and apologizing for no particular reason. Get to know Sara better at www.saradavison.org and @sarajdavison.
More from Sara
A few years ago, I attended a women’s conference in the Canadian capital city of Ottawa. The theme of the conference was human trafficking, which had always seemed to me something that happened in other countries of the world. The speaker informed us that, in fact, sex trafficking is very much an issue in Canada. In fact, she went on to say that if we were staying in a hotel that night, she could pretty much guarantee that somewhere in the building a young girl would be trafficked against her will while we slept peacefully in our beds.
That fact—and the way my subsequent research has borne up that truth—shocked, horrified, and deeply impacted me. And so, Every Star in the Sky was born. This romantic suspense novel puts a face and name and story to the scourge of human trafficking. While the fictional tale of one woman’s experiences, it represents the reality of countless women and shows the devastating toll this evil takes, not only on those in captivity, but on those who love them and desire to see them restored to freedom and eventually physical, mental, and emotional healing.
Every Star in the Sky is a love story. Not only between a woman rescued from trafficking and the man who risked everything to save her, but between God and every human being created in his image victimized by this unspeakable practice. The theme of this series, which I hope and pray comes across clearly to every reader, is that we are never alone. God sees what we are going through. He never leaves or forsakes us. He knows the name of every star in the sky, and he knows us deeply and intimately.
As the main character in the story reflects: “And if you know every star by name, you must know every one of us by name.” When no one around her, not even friends like Ruby, knew her real name, she had clung to the truth that God knew it, that it was engraved on the palm of his hand. Without that knowledge, she would have been afraid her name might be lost, since she was so determined not to let her true one slip out to Brady that even in her own mind she had become Starr. But God had kept her name in trust for her until Cole freed her, and now God had given it to her again. She hadn’t planned to tell it to Cole tonight, but something had nudged her to. Had assured her it was safe. That he was safe.
While the problem of human trafficking may seem overwhelming, prayer is our most powerful weapon against the forces of darkness. Pray for all those held in captivity, that they would experience God’s love and presence with them, that they would find freedom, and that all who participate in this evil would one day be brought to justice.
Paperbacks are available on Amazon, but they will also be available through my site for $10 starting this summer and they will also be on Barnes and Noble. The ebook copies will be available through Amazon only for the time being.
A social media tour for The Farmer’s Daughter is going to be held by JustRead Blog Tours at the end of June. If you are interested in signing up for that tour you can sign up here:
In closing, I could use a couple of people to read through Beauty From Ashes sometime in mid-April to find typos. This isn’t a paid gig, sadly, because I am a poor lady (I’m just a poor girl, from a poor family….) but you will get to read the book in full before it releases and I may have a couple other perks lined up for anyone who can help.
So that is all for my fiction updates.
I’m working on a new book so maybe I’ll have some chapters from it to share in the next few weeks so that there is actually some fiction on Fiction Friday.
When you wake up in the morning you feel it. A dark cloud hanging over you that you did not place there. There is a sense of foreboding that something bad is about to happen. You find yourself on edge, constantly in a state of “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” The phone rings and you jump. There it is. The bad news you were dreading.
Only it isn’t bad news. It’s simply a family member calling to say “hey” and you don’t have to worry. Whew. You breathe a sigh of relief. Calm settles over you.
For five minutes that is because you suddenly start to think about how maybe that news isn’t bad but worse news could come soon. Then you begin to list off all the bad things that could happen.
And your heart rate? Now it’s really picking up.
“Is that normal?” you think. “Should my heart be doing that?
“Good grief. Stop it,” you tell yourself. “Everything is fine.”
And it is fine.
For five minutes before the cycle starts all over again and continues until the end of the day when you collapse in mental exhaustion.
Such is the life of someone who lives with anxiety and depression. I am someone who lives with anxiety and depression. Is every day of my life like this? No, thank God and because of God, it is not. Does my mind switch to worry after worry every day, all day? Again no. Some days are like that, though, and it’s a very scary and out-of-control feeling.
It has taken a lot of prayer and a lot of lifestyle changes to help me deal with anxiety and depression and for a short time, I also took medicine. For now, I am taking CBD oil and it is helping (even if the one I have right now is a little too concentrated so I need one that won’t make me so sleepy). I am also practicing mindfulness and positive thinking, telling myself as many times as I need to do in a day that I am fine and that whatever I am anxious about is something I can handle with God’s help.
I just want to give a heads up to those of you dealing with anxiety and depression.
Inevitably some well-meaning person, usually at church, will say to you, “What are you so down about? You have a wonderful life! Wonderful children/grandchildren, a roof over your head, food on the table. You have nothing to be depressed about! Jesus is your Lord, be glad and rejoice!”
If they haven’t yet, don’t worry. They will.
It can be hard not to be angry with the people who seem so flippant about your mental health. It can be hard not to scream “But you don’t understand! I don’t even understand. The sadness and dark clouds are just there even when I know they shouldn’t be!”
Oh, how I have wanted to scream that so many times. I have wanted to tell them how clueless they are and how hurtful it is to tell me to simply “cheer up” when I am trying so hard to do just that. And if I hear them recite Philippians 4:6 (Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God) one more time like it is an admonishment and not an encouragement, my head might just explode right off my neck.
This week I had to remind myself of something and I want to offer it as advice from one depression sufferer to another — extend grace to those people who encourage you to not be anxious.
They don’t mean to hurt us with their comments. They don’t mean to be rude (most of them don’t anyhow). They don’t mean to dismiss our feelings. They mean well. They really want to help but they simply don’t know how. They think they are being encouraging and kind. They think you simply need to watch a comedy, walk in nature and listen to worship music and the depression will be gone. Why? Because that’s how it’s worked for them.
They don’t have a clinical depression they can’t explain.
They have a slump in their mood and for them what works is journaling and yoga and “centering” themselves.
Sometimes that even works for us hardcore sufferers, but most of the time we need much more. We may need medicine, we may need counseling, or we just might need to stop being told “to perk up”, “shake it off,” “get into nature,” “sing a song,” or “read your Bible.”
However, all of those things can help, and the Bible is needed so when someone says one of those things to you, thank them.
Thank them for their attempt and move on. If they condemn you for not cheering up the way they think you should, then maybe you can offer them a comment about how their advice is no longer needed, but otherwise, simply thank them because most of the time they mean well and some of the time their suggestions might at least take the edge off it all.
