Stop apologizing

/ Lisa R. Howeler

Stop apologizing when you shouldn’t

I apologize for everything.

It’s a horrible curse.

There is a time to apologize and there is a time you shouldn’t and I often apologize when I shouldn’t.

Several years ago I had a very bad experience in my life and a family member informed me I was bringing them down and told me to stop contacting them as I went through this experience.

A few months later, I was the one who apologized.

A few months ago two grown women mocked me in front of another group of grown women and when I stepped back from that situation I was mocked again for not having thick enough skin.

And, yes, you guessed it, in the end, I apologized for having “thin” skin.

It is insane the number of times I have been mistreated in my life and apologized for what I must have done wrong.

A few times I may have done something wrong, but most of the time, I shouldn’t have apologized.

I have waited for apologies. I certainly expected apologies from Christians that never came and never will. That hurts and messes with my mind quite a bit, but we can’t sit around waiting for an apology by apologizing first ourselves. I apologized once to a family member, waiting for her to apologize as well, only to have her accept my apology and never mention how atrocious her behavior had been in the first place. In fact, this has now happened to me three times with all female members of my family. I have stopped apologizing for their behavior and I hope to make that a regular practice from now on.

As I said in the beginning, there is a time to apologize and if we have really been out of line, then, yes, by all means. Please apologize. But if a person has hurt you, been rude to you, has been passive-aggressive over and over to you, has mocked you in front of others, has talked behind your back, has come after your children as a way to hurt you — No. You don’t apologize when you either finally snap and tell them off or when you walk away and never look back.

I believe that apologizing can be a curse and it is a curse many of us need to break.

11 thoughts on “Stop apologizing”

  1. Pingback: Sunday Bookends: Keeping it low, blooming flowers, quiet books | Boondock Ramblings

  2. I think those of us who are basically nice to our core do this. Like your first commenter, I have found myself saying, “Oops, I’m sorry” when someone bumps into me or steps in front of me in the store. Why?? Maybe we just can’t take all the rudeness in this world so we’re trying to make amends for it even though it’s not us who are rude? *shrugging my shoulders and throwing up my hands*

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    • I don’t know. I do it too and I’m going to keep apologizing in stores and when I bump into walls. Ha! That’s a habit I am sure I’ll keep. I just want to stop going out of my way to apologize to people who flat out hurt me as a way to try to make them like me again. That’s not a healthy habit at all. Sigh.

      Also, my mom apologizes for everything and sometimes she’s just offering sympathy like, “I’m sorry you’re going through that,” or “I’m sorry you’re having a bad day.” But sometimes she apologizes when there is no reason for her to do so.

      She knows it too and she doesn’t it for many of the reasons you suggested – we are really trying to over ride the rudeness of the world most times and that part of it is totally understandable. That was a great way to say it.

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    • Oh my word – pray for me. I wanted to come back and apologize for writing a post telling people to stop apologizing! 😂 I felt like I was too harsh and wanted to explain that it’s only a suggestion not an order.

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  3. I absolutely agree with this! I’m guilty of apologizing for so many things I didn’t even do. Afterwards, I always stumped myself with asking myself why I apologized for having my feelings hurt. It was only a few months ago that I decided I’m done apologizing for being me. It hasn’t always been easy to stick to, but I like feeling like I’m finally sticking up for myself and can explain a situation better. Living a life of being overly apologetic just doesn’t feel like a healthy way to live or develop any sense of self-esteem.

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  4. Guilty of this! I’ve really noticed it lately, for example while shopping recently someone accidentally bumped into me and out of habit I was the one apologizing!🤦‍♀️ I have a strong gift of mercy but sometimes it sure seems like a setback instead!😅

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