I’m blogging over at Hope, Hearts, Heroes today. Click through to read the rest.
Covid hit me hard in mid-November, sending me to the hospital for four and a half days and leaving me with the most intense brain fog and other weird…
Writing as therapy
After fighting COVID from mid-to-late November, I wanted to give some COVID survival tips to my blog readers who might face a similar battle at some point.
I don’t know about you, but I didn’t know a lot about COVID until I got it. I knew the politics of it, but not the actual physical effect of it on the body. Most people I knew who had it said it was physically draining and like a really bad flu, but I had no idea it could affect your breathing or oxygen levels without you even knowing it was until it was too late. I thought people could feel the tightness in their chest every time. I had never heard of silent hypoxia until I had it.
Silent hypoxia is when the oxygen level in the blood is very low, but you feel fine and the pulse ox machine isn’t even showing your oxygen as low as it actually is. You feel fine until it’s too late and you’re turning blue. I happened to notice a lower number on my pulse ox and that’s how I ended up at the emergency room at Memorial Hospital, diagnosed with silent hypoxia and Acute Respiratory Failure. Even the nurses said my color looked good and they felt I didn’t have silent hypoxia. I must have caught it just in time. Thank you, Jesus, literally.
Honestly, it wasn’t until I was out of the hospital that I realized how bad I had been and how if I hadn’t gotten to the hospital when I did, I wouldn’t be here right now writing this, hugging my kids, and husband and being with my family.
So here are a few tips for those facing Covid this winter (though this will hopefully change as the virus mutates and maybe doesn’t attack the lungs as easily):
The most important tip from my point of view is to buy a pulse oximeter and watch your oxygen levels – especially 5 to 10 days after you’ve tested positive. I took a turn for the worse on day ten. A pulse oximeter is a small device that can be purchased for anywhere from $20 to $50 and clips on your finger to measure your heart rate and the amount of oxygen in your blood.
Take slow deep breathes while measuring. Don’t be like me and hold your breath which messes up the reading for up to thirty seconds and might send you into a panic. Your levels should be between 95 and 100, though some nurses say 94 is okay.
A second tip: if you have a cough, but even if you don’t, lay on your stomach for at least an hour every four hours. Several articles I read, plus the nurses and doctors at the hospital, said they have found this opens up the lungs even more. You can prop yourself up with a pillow so you’re not mashed flat into the mattress or floor while you do it and you can sleep or watch tv, read a book, or whatever.
I tested this out my first night in the hospital when I was hooked up to a 24/7 pulse ox machine. My oxygen wasn’t dropping super low since I was on supplemental oxygen but when I laid on my stomach, even with the hospital bed propped up, the O2 number would rise.
Third, and about as important as monitoring the pulse ox, drink as much water and fluids with electrolytes that you can stand. If your stomach isn’t affected, try to eat as well, even if you have lost your sense of taste and smell. Your body needs energy to fight the virus off. I had a fever for eight days that Tylenol did nothing for and it ended up leaving me dehydrated more than I should have been.
Fourth, don’t base your experience with Covid on someone else’s, good or bad. If someone says Covid was a breeze for them, don’t expect it will be for you. If someone says they almost died with it, don’t expect the same will happen to you. Most people feel awful but don’t end up in the hospital with Covid as I did. Know that Covid can be serious but try not to panic (like I did). Also know that going in the hospital does not mean you’re going to be vented. Doctors do all they can now not to vent patients and many patients do not need that kind of intervention.
One other piece of advice is to not Google when you have Covid. In my case it was both good and bad. It was bad because I focused more on what Covid could do to me or the rest of my family than taking care of myself. It was good because I had never heard of silent hypoxia before reading about it on Google and therefore knew I might have it when my pulse oxygen began to drop into the low 90s. Also, stay away from the mainstream media, which almost exclusively focuses on the bad outcomes versus the good. Fear sells. Never forget that.
My hope is that Covid is mutating to the point now that most who catch it in this new year won’t have to worry about these tips or at least the ones related to the oxygen. I also hope doctors begin to focus less on eliminating the virus (because that isn’t going to happen) and more on how to treat it at home and in the hospital. How this world went two years without more efforts to treat this virus with therapeutics at home is beyond me.
Another thing, if you are unvaccinated for whatever reason, and do have to go to get an emergency room or hospital, don’t assume you will be treated worse because of your status. I think I was asked once about my status and never again. As far as I know, I was not treated any differently because of my vaccination status. I am unvaccinated for a personal, legit medical reason and If I am judged for that so be it, but I felt no judgment in the hospital beyond one doctor who was annoyed at a medication I had taken briefly. That’s another story for another day.
If the hospital staff wanted me to die as some on social media suggest are the attitudes of hospital staff when it comes to the unvaccinated, then they did a poor job of killing me off. They were kind, attentive in checking vitals, and did their best to alleviate any fears I had.
The final tip: don’t expect to just bounce right back from Covid. Some will but some might be exhausted, weak, and suffer from a cough for weeks or months after Covid leaves their system. I am very impatient. I want to feel better now but it’s not going to happen on my timetable. Give yourself some grace while your body heals. I’m trying to do the same.
2017 started with my 14-year-old dog Copper passing away. It ended with us losing my Aunt Dianne, three days before the end of the year. 2017 kicked my emotional butt in other words.
Dianne was my mom’s baby sister and lived with my parents for about eight years before she passed away. She was crazy, eccentric, fun, loving, and spent much of her life being told she wasn’t good enough or wanted.
She was diagnosed with diabetes when she was in her 20s and struggled with it for years. Near the end of her life, she also developed heart failure and COPD from years of smoking. She’d also had two heart attacks. We think a third one might be what took her on Dec. 29, 2017. She passed away in my parents’ dining room when she sat in a chair and then fell forward to the floor.
It was very traumatic for my mom and dad who were with her.
These days we try not to focus on the tragedy of Dianne’s life and death but on the good parts of her life, the way she made us laugh, the joy she had in giving to others, and the delight in the little things in life brought her. I wrote a little bit about her on the blog shortly after she passed and then again later on.
One thing Dianne enjoyed was cooking for others. She didn’t cook a ton but she did make a couple of things at Christmas. She used to make collard greens when she lived in North Carolina with my grandmother. When she came to Pennsylvania to live with my parents, she carried with her the tradition of making sausage balls each year for Christmas.
Sausage balls seem to be a Southern thing because I don’t see them much here in the North.
They are a very simple dish – sausage, Bisquick, and shredded cheese shaped into a ball and cooked in the oven.
The last few years my parents and I have made them in Dianne’s honor because my mom said it was one of the last things she was able to do before she passed.
“I just remember how delighted she was to be able to make those for all of you,” Mom told me shortly after Dianne died. “She sat at the table for the longest time making them. She was determined to make them.”
I didn’t get the ingredients I needed to make the sausage balls in time for Christmas, so I made them to celebrate the new year at my parents, which we didn’t actually do until Sunday. Sadly, my sausage balls did not taste as good as Dianne’s. Because I have a food allergy, I used gluten-free Bisquick mix. This mix cuts out the wheat and corn, but doesn’t mix as well and takes a lot more work. The sausage I used was very salty and I think the cheese I used was as well. Whatever happened, the sausage balls were okay but not up to Dianne’s standards. I may try to make some again this next week because they do make a nice snack any time of the year.
If any of you are interested in making them yourselves I have included the very simple recipe at the bottom of the post. As I have done in the past when sharing this recipe, I will give you a few pointers that Dianne gave me.
First, don’t use the cheese already shredded in bags from the store. Cellulose is added to this cheese to keep it from sticking together, which works fine for your tacos, salads, or pizza, but doesn’t work well when you are trying to blend it with sausage and pancake mix. Instead, Dianne always used a block of cheese and grated it herself so that it would blend better.
Dianne also took the sausage out of the fridge for an hour or maybe even a little earlier before mixing it. When the sausage is too cold it doesn’t always mix as well.
Finally, when you make the sausage balls, don’t make them too small because they will shrink and get too hard while cooking. Also, don’t make them too big or they will take longer to cook.
I hope you enjoy the recipe and if you make them and like them, let me know and send me photos!. Also, If you are down south, I believe I saw one time that they are for sale in the freezer section of some supermarkets, which would be easier but probably wouldn’t taste as good.
Instructions Checklist
Catch up with the rest of this story HERE.
As always, this is a work in progress and it is bound to change before I publish it in the spring.
Chapter 14 Part II
“What do you mean you don’t need me anymore?” Warmth rushed up Liz’s throat and into her face.
Linda Bertoloni swept her silk scarf over her shoulder, around her neck, and floated on bare feet toward the back storage room.
“I’m sorry, Lizzie, but I’ve had my niece working for me since you’ve been on leave and she’s done a wonderful job.” Linda was shifting boxes on a shelf, her back to Liz. “Sales have been down this year and I’ve had to make cuts and I’m afraid you’re one of them. You know how it is. We just have to go with the flow in life. That’s what I always tell you and this flow is taking me to a less expensive employee and a smaller inventory.”
Liz couldn’t believe it. Was this woman for real? She’d been working here two years and Linda was firing her?
“Why didn’t you call and tell me this before I came in?”
Linda paused in her searching and turned looking up at a spot above Liz’s head, placing her thumb and forefinger at her chin. “Wait. Didn’t I call you last week?”
Liz shook her head slowly. “No, Linda. You did not call me. At all. I came in today expecting to work and expecting to have a job.”
You crazy, airheaded, pot-smoking, tree-hugging freak.
Linda smiled serenely and stepped forward, taking Liz’s hands in hers. “Liz, sweetie. I know this is hard. We’ve worked well together, but it really is time for you to move on, don’t you think? Don’t you want to do something more exciting with your life than work in my little health food store?”
Liz thought her head might explode.
“Linda. Listen to me. I just had a baby. A baby I have to support.”
Why did the woman have to be such a free spirit now? A free spirit who apparently did things so much on a whim she didn’t care who got left behind or walked all over.
Linda smiled and squeezed Liz’s hands tighter, leaning close to her face until Liz could see the lines at the corners of her eyes and the pores in her skin. “I know and that’s why you need a job that will pay you more than I can right now. I will give you a wonderful reference. I am sure there are tons of places around here who would hire you in a second. There’s no way someone won’t snatch you up.”
Linda turned abruptly and her scarf fluttered, brushing across Liz’s face. It fluttered again across Liz’s face as she turned back around from her desk with an envelope in her hand. “Now before you go, I have given you a final two weeks pay to help you along until you find a new job.”
Liz took it, her mouth dropping open in disbelief.
Linda clasped Liz’s hands in her. “Now don’t thank me, hon’. I know you appreciate it. You give that baby a hug for me when you get home.”
And with that Linda walked briskly past her toward the front counter to wait on a customer.
Liz walked slowly toward the back door, dumbfounded.
Jobless? How was she going to pay rent? Buy diapers? Go back to school?
“Lizzie! Hi!” Linda’s niece Brittany bounced through the back door and toward her, blond ponytail bouncing behind her. She beamed as she grabbed Liz by the shoulders and yanked her into a hug. Pulling back she smiled even broader. “Oh my gosh! So good to see you! How is the baby?”
Liz tensed. “She’s good.”
“Oh wow! Did you bring her with you?”
“No, Brittany. I did not. I thought I was coming to work today.”
Brittany pushed her lower lip out, frowning, and tipped her head. “Aw. I’m sorry. Didn’t Aunt Linda call you a couple weeks ago?”
Liz narrowed her eyes. “No. She didn’t call me.”
Brittany tipped her head back and giggled. “Well, you know how she is. Her head is in the clouds all the time.”
Liz stepped around Brittany, heat rushing into her face as she bit her lower lip to hold in the retort she really wanted to shoot at Brittany. “Yeah. It’s somewhere alright. Have a good day, Brittany.”
Brittany’s voice as sickly sweet, clueless as always. “You too, Lizzie!”
Lizzie.
Liz growled as she flung her door open. No one but Linda and Brittany called her Lizzie, and she was willing to put up with it because she knew it meant a paycheck. Now that she wasn’t getting a paycheck she wouldn’t be putting up with it.
She slammed her car door hard behind her and pressed her forehead against the steering wheel.
It wasn’t like she was making much money at the health food store, but it was something and it was enough to — well, barely survive on, honestly.
Now she had to drive back to her apartment and face her mother who would shake her head and ask how she was going to support herself and Bella now.
What was worse than knowing her mother would ask the question was that she was asking herself the same question and she had no answer.
Welcome to my week in review blog post where I ramble about what I’ve been reading, watching, writing, doing and sometimes what I’ve been listening to.
I hope you all had a wonderful, Merry Christmas!
We had a good one free of the drama of our Thanksgiving.
We visited my parents for Christmas and had a really nice time.
We went a little crazy with gifts for the kids this year and it was worth it. They had a blast.
We (my husband and I and my parents) bought The Boy a hover board which his sister is now jealous of. Luckily her brother let her try it a couple of times and she did a great job. Little Miss got a scooter and a pottery wheel. They both received several other various gifts as well.
My parents bought the kids a couple of engraved cards that can fit in a wallet. The inscriptions on them were really beautiful.
I was super excited to receive the boxed set of The Anne of Green Gables series from my husband. He also gave me chocolate and bought us a record player which is also a CD player, a cassette player and radio and has Bluetooth. It’s coming in the mail Tuesday and I am excited to try it out.
My dad bought my mom jewelry and clothes, a tradition for Christmas. Another tradition is how he announced to her and everyone else how little money he spent on her jewelry.
“Seventy-five cents,” he said holding the pair of earrings my mom had just opened toward me. “Second Hand Rose.”
Sigh. He’s always excited about a bargain but I do have to say he knows how to find them.
My husband is on vacation this week so we hope to get out and visit a restaurant and take the kids to do some shopping with some money they have that is apparently burning a hole in their pocket. It will be my first outing in about two months.
I’m still struggling some mentally and physically from having Covid in mid-November but it is slowly getting better. I am having more good days than bad now. I wish it would quickly get better, but that’s just not going to happen. As my aunt said – I’m like her side of the family who wants it better and fixed yesterday.
She also reminded me that it just won’t happen in this case. I have to be patient because of all my body was put through. I’m not a patient person at all but I’ve been trying to just accept where I am in the midst of my healing journey and stop trying to fix it all. Great, now I sound like I’m trying to be a YouTube influencer. Sigh.
Anyhow, I wrote a blog post early on in this whole pandemic thing about letting God fight our battles and I need to let him do that here too.
I should clarify that most people don’t have the side effects I have had after Covid. I have some other health issues that just make recovery from any illness a bit slower than most people. I am hypothyroid and may have fibromyalgia but I am not going to claim that last one right now. I also had anxiety before all of this so that can also make a situation worse but my husband and I have decided we think the issues I am having are a combination of mental and physical. We both think they will settle eventually and I have prepared myself for it to be months rather than weeks but I truly have no idea. Thank God (literally) I have found some things that are helping!
Like me, the rest of the family’s coughs are hanging on or returning and my son and I both have limited taste and smell, but mine is better than his at this point. We are all having stomach issues where we suddenly have no appetite and I’m guessing that is from the sinus drainage and leftover from the virus.
What I’m Reading
I didn’t do a ton of reading this past week beyond re-reading Paddington to Little Miss before bed. I did not finish The Mistletoe Countess by Pepper Basham, but maybe this week.
I started the fifth book in the Walt Longmire series by Craig Johnson and am already hooked.
I also started the second book in the Anne of Green Gables series yesterday.
I’ll have to pick one book this week to read instead of jumping all over.
My brain jumps all over these days so I guess my reading is too.
What I watched or Am Watching
I binged watched the new series of All Creatures Great and Small last week. It was on Amazon Prime until the end of this month and then goes back to a subscription for PBS.
I didn’t think I would like the new series because I was so in love with the first series, but the way the characters are portrayed grew on me with each episode. We may have to subscribe to PBS when the second season comes out.
I jumped from All Creatures Great and Small to a show called The Durrells in Corfu. (Incidentally, Callum Woodhouse who plays Tristan Farnon in All Creatures Great and Small is also in this show.)
It’s a bit of a weird show and a big departure from All Creatures Great and Small, which I liked better. There are three seasons of it but not sure I’ll watch all of the seasons. It’s not bad. It’s just – a little weird sometimes. I’m getting caught up in the lives of the characters, so I will probably end up watching all of it.
I tried to watch some cheesy Hallmark-like movies on Amazon, but I didn’t get far. There was one with Joey Lawrence and he was wearing hot pink lipstick. Hot pink lipstick, guys. And no he was not playing a crossdresser. I don’t know what they were thinking putting that thing out as a final movie without realizing he had hot pink lipstick on but I was out. No. Thank. You. It was weird.
Christmas movies we did watch last week and this weekend were Elf, Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch, and Home Alone.
And I watched clips of A Christmas Story and It’s A Wonderful Life because I’ve seen the movies so many times I didn’t feel I needed to watch them all the way through again.
I hope to watch The Chosen’s Christmas special later today which can be found on their free app on iOS or android and cast to your TV.
What I’m Listening To
Christmas morning I listened to Michael Buble’s Christmas album because it’s a tradition now. I didn’t listen to a ton of other music and I probably should have because it might have helped my mental status during the week.
If you watch this you can look at the Yule log burning while listening to the album.
What I’m Writing
I’m still plugging away at A New Chapter and shared a chapter of that on Thursday.
So that’s my week in review. How was your week last week? How was your Christmas? Let me know in the comments!
I wanted to share this lovely short story from Lisa today. Enjoy.
If you want to know a person, ask them about their houses. The house they grew up in. The first house they bought. The house they’ve always wanted. …
Houses (a short story for Christmas)
Welcome to my week in review blog post where I ramble about what I’ve been reading, watching, writing, doing and sometimes what I’ve been listening to.
What I’ve Been Reading
My goal this week is to read a lot more but this week I read Saving Mrs. Roosevelt and started The Mistletoe Countess by Pepper Basham.
I have a Cat Who mystery I started the day I went into the hospital with Covid but I couldn’t get my brain to settle for obvious reasons so I never continued it. I’d like to make some progress on that these next couple of weeks the kids and I are on holiday break.
Other books I am looking forward to reading in the new year include:
The Rhise of Hope by Max Sternberg
A couple of Hercules Poirot books
Maggie’s Strength by Pegg Thomas
Relative Silence by Carrie Parks
Crooked House by Agatha Christie
Thunder and Rain by Charles Martin
The Dark Horse by Craig Johnson (more of the Longmire Mysteries. I have about 12 more books to read in the series)
And many more I haven’t even listed.
I am also not one of those people who talks about how many books I read in a year. It is hard for me to keep track because my mom and I share a kindle account and she reads some 200 books a year. I have to go through and figure mine out compared to hers and it is very time consuming.
What I’ve Been Watching
Last week I watched a movie called Fisherman Friends, which I found on Amazon. It was exactly what I needed right now. It is the story of a group of fishermen in England who sang what are called sea shanties in their small town and were overheard by a music executive who decided he wanted to sign them to a deal.
The movie is based on a true story and follows the journeys of the men and the beginning of their careers.
Other than that I have been watching mainly comedians and my husband and I watched a couple of episodes of Lovejoy.
What I’ve Been Writing
Last week I shared two chapters of A New Chapter and shared a blog post about my roommate in the Covid wing at the hospital and her positive outcome.
What I’ve been listening to
I have gotten a bit hooked on Matthew West of late so I have been listening to him at night or other times. He is a Christian musician and he also has a podcast.
What’s Been Occurring
I am slowly recovering from Covid and was encouraged this week to find many others dealing with the internal vibrating as a left over side effect. Some of these people have had this happen with other viruses like I did and we are wondering if this could be autoimmune or neurological or reactivating past infections. It has been a relief to read that while anxiety can make it worse it isn’t only anxiety or in our heads. Even those who do not have a history of anxiety are dealing with it.
Either way we are all sharing things (supplements, medicine, exercise, etc.) that are helping, even if only to take the edge off a little bit. For me CBD oil helps immensely so I am anxiously waiting for a delivery of some high quality oil this week.
I still have not ventured from the house on my own since my doctor appointment at the beginning of the month, mainly because the vibrating often gets worse the more I move and I don’t want to have a spell of them when I am out with the kids or even when alone.
I truly do believe things will even out soon with the odd symptoms and I will be able to do things on my own. I am discouraged but not desolate or hopeless, which reminds me of 2 Corinthians 4:8-12: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”
We are all excited for Christmas next weekend. The kids have a couple days of homeschool and then a week and a half off. We will spend Christmas Day with my parents and maybe see other family (my brother and his wife) in the beginning of January depending on work schedules.
So that is my week in review. How about you? How did last week go for you? What are you reading and watching etc? Let me know in the comments.
I shared Chapter 12 yesterday. To catch up with the rest of the story click HERE.
Chapter 13
Cold nipped at Matt’s nose and slipped down the back of his throat, tickling it, and leaving him coughing into his hand.
Jason nudged him in the ribs on his way past. “You sick? I don’t like hunting with sick people.”
In front of them, their breath mingled in white wisps, reminding them both that they were well into autumn and winter would be here soon.
Matt shot Jason a look. “I’m not sick. My body’s just not ready for it to be this cold yet.”
Jason paused at the top of the hill and looked down into the leaf-covered gully, catching his breath. “Have faith, we live in Pennsylvania. It will be warm again by next week and then cold again and then warm and then finally we will be plunged into a frozen hell for the next three months.”
Matt laughed. “True.”
Leaves crunched under their feet and Matt dodged a fall tree limb, peering into the trees, searching for the deer he’d shot but had taken off 15 minutes earlier.
“Hey, Matt, been meaning to ask you about something,” Jason shifted his gun on his shoulder.
“The birth announcement?”
Jason nodded. “Yep.”
“You want to know if I’m really the father.”
“I know you’re not. Gabe’s the father. Everyone knows that.”
Matt shrugged. “Not everyone. Just everyone close to the situation.”
“So . . . did she or you tell them you were the father?”
Matt paused and opened his thermos, sipping the coffee he’d made a few hours earlier. “I did. She wasn’t very happy about it. She told me to tell the nurse not to put it in the newspaper and I did but I guess there was some sort of miscommunication.”
Jason whistled. “Wow. That was quite a bold move on your part. What were you thinking?”
“That I didn’t want Liz and Bella connected to Gabe anymore than they already were,” Matt said with a sigh, screwing the lid back on the thermos.
“What did your mom say?
“She’s supportive. Luckily, I caught her before she saw the paper or anyone told her. Thank God for her being so busy with baking that week. I didn’t totally think it through, of course. Pastor Taylor asked me to step down from leading the teen boys, but the timing worked since I’ll be gone in a few more weeks.”
Jason cocked an eyebrow as he zipped his coat up under his neck. “He seriously asked you to step down?”
Matt started walking again. “He didn’t want to, but the parents were a little bothered by their boys being taught the Bible by a man who fathered a child out of wedlock.”
Jason nodded as she followed him. “I guess I can understand that but if they knew the situation —”
“If they knew the situation then they’d know more than they have any business knowing.”
They walked a few more feet in silence.
“What does that mean legally?” Jason asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you’re legally listed as her dad does that mean you are financially responsible for her?”
“I don’t think so, but if Liz ever needed help, I would. She’s pretty independent, though. I doubt she’d let me.”
Jason pointed down into a gully in front of them. “There it is. Looks like you got it after all.”
The men made their way down the embankment to the carcass of an eight-point buck. There had been a moment when it disappeared from sight that Matt had thought maybe he hadn’t killed it after all, and it was staggering through the woods injured.
He enjoyed hunting, but he was less of a fan if he injured an animal and then had to shoot it again to put it out of its misery. If he did hunt, he didn’t do it for sport. He’d clean and dress the animal and take him to the local butcher and use the meat for the rest of the winter, maybe even into the spring. The one benefit of living as a bachelor was that he could cook the same meal over and over again.
Matt knelt next to the animal and drew his knife. “Too bad he rolled down here. It won’t be fun carrying him out.”
Jason lifted his arms and flexed his arm. “Leave that to me, puny man,” he said in a thick European accent. “I can carry your haul for you. When you’re done, you go on ahead and get the ATV and I’ll meet you at the access road.”
Matt leaned back on his heels and quirked an eyebrow. “Puny man? Really? Just because your muscles are as big as my head doesn’t mean I am a puny man, Tanner. I’m perfectly capable of carrying my deer to the access road. Plus, let me point out that I got a deer today and you didn’t, remember?”
Jason laughed. “Hey, come on. It’s barely nine in the morning. I don’t have to be back at the farm for a couple more hours. I still have time.” He leaned over and poked Matt’s bicep. “But you, little man, don’t have time to build up muscle before we need to carry this deer out.” He laughed again as he swung his gun onto his shoulder. “Seriously, I’ll head down for the ATV. It will take me a while to hike down and by then you should have this dressed and carried down.”
Jason was right, of course. He was more muscular. Having played football in high school and college, plus lugging heavy hay bales and farm equipment around every day, Jason did have a lot more upper body strength than Matt and almost anyone Matt knew.
And, well, Matt hadn’t exactly been trying to build bulk while training for the academy. Yes, he had been trying to get into better shape by running down the dirt road circle that led him three miles from the cabin and then back again, but, no, he hadn’t been working out at a gym almost daily like Jason did.
Jason had even convinced Alex to go with him to the gym at least three times a week.
Alex. The man who for years had scoffed at his friends at the mere mention of an exercise routine. Matt would guess that his dating Jason’s sister had changed his mind about working out, especially after Molly’s ex-boyfriend had shown up in town looking well-toned and charming.
“Before I go, I’m just curious,” Jason said. “Are you doing all this because you love Liz?”
Matt worked on the deer as he looked up at his friend. “Liz and I are —”
Jason scoffed. “Don’t tell me you and Liz are just friends, McGee. I see the way you look at her. You’ve been there for her every step of the way through this pregnancy, even though the baby wasn’t yours, and let’s be honest. Very honest. You’ve liked Liz since high school. You might be friends but I have a feeling at least one of you wants there to be more.”
Matt looked back at the deer, grinning. “Don’t you have an ATV to go get?”
Jason laughed as he turned to walk back up the hill. “Looks like someone can’t handle the truth today.”
Matt stood with the deer across his shoulders 20-minutes after Jason left, hooking his arms over the deer to hold it in place. He’d thought about what Jason had said the entire time he’d been dressing the deer and he knew Jason was right. Matt did want something more with Liz, but he was also content to be her friend right now. It was what she needed most of all.
Holding it in this position with a gun strapped to his back, he laughed at the thought of how ridiculous he probably looked, despite feeling slightly manly walking through the woods with his catch for the day sprawled across his shoulders. Now to remember which direction the access road was. Jason was more familiar with this section of the woods. His family had owned part of it for years and while Matt had hunted here with him off and on for the past 15 years, he still got turned around more often than not.
Walking up the gully to the hilltop opposite of how he’d come down, he looked through what felt like miles and miles of maple and ash trees but nothing else. He was fairly certain the access road was due east so he headed that way. When his phone rang ten minutes later he ignored it at first, but then when it stopped and then started again, stopped and started again, he worried it might be an emergency.
Laying the deer down wasn’t an easy feat but once the carcass was lying in the leaves, he zipped his camouflage jacket open and reached for his phone in the inside pocket of his coveralls.
“Matt. Where are you?” The voice sounded far away.
“Liz? Anything wrong?”
“McGee, I wanted to ask you the other . . didn’t you tell me . . .*static*”
He plugged a finger in his ear as if that would help improve the service on a wooded hill in the middle of nowhere. “Tell you what?”
Static. “. . .apartment . . .”
“Liz, you’re breaking up. Is something going on at the apartment?”
“No! We’re fine. I’m talking about . . .” Static. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
The line went dead, and he looked at his phone screen, bewildered. Call lost.
Tell her what?
He walked a few feet forward and tried to call her back. No service. He moved a few steps back. Still no service. Great.
What was that all about? Should he go back down the hill and try to call her again? He shrugged.
She said everything was fine. He’d call her when he got back to the cabin. He needed to get this deer out and hung before the meat went bad.
Sliding the phone back into his inside pocket, he looked through the rows of trees and squinted. A rooftop peeked through the tree line, something he’d never seen before walking up here. He looked around and then leaned forward on his knees, looking lower. He saw what looked like junk cars scattered among the leaves. He leaned back up and after a few minutes of thinking realized he’d walked a little more south than east because he was looking at Bunky Taylor’s abandoned junkyard. Bunky had died a year ago and no one had been up to clean the site up, mainly because no one in his family knew exactly how to dispose of all the junk cars Bunky had collected in the 40 years he’d owned the junkyard and mechanic business.
The access road was a little further up more to the east. It wouldn’t hurt to take a shortcut through the junkyard, see how much it had grown over since it had been abandoned. He slung the deer back over his shoulder and headed down through the wooded area where he was able to get a better view of the junkyard and Bunky’s old house, a ranch home built on top of stilts with a makeshift carport built with two-by-fours and metal sheeting. The roof of the house was sagging in some places, red shutters askew on some of the windows, dark brown staining the gray siding.
A puff of smoke from the chimney drew his attention and he paused before walking down the hill through the vehicles, noting tools laying in the leaves next to one or two of them. It looked like someone might be living here after all.
He dropped the deer in a grassy area next to the dirt parking lot, located in front of the house. A swing set installed next to the house and a tricycle and other children’s toys scattered across the front lawn alerted him to the realization that a family must be living in the home, despite its dilapidated appearance.
“Can I help you?”
He turned to his right abruptly, startled by the voice. He was even more startled at the sight of a man walking from a crude shed practically hidden from view by two vintage rusted Chevy trucks and the limbs of a large oak tree that rose up from the middle of the junkyard and cast shadows like the spindly fingers of a wisped specter. The man wore a pair of gray coveralls smudged with oil and dirt, dark brown work boots obviously well worn, and was unshaven with black grease smeared on his cheek and forehead.
Although his hair was short in the back, strands of dirty blond hair hung down across his forehead and eyes. His jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed when he saw Matt and Matt didn’t have to guess why.
“Bernie. Hey. I didn’t know you were living here.”
Bernie kept his eyes on Matt while he continued to wipe his hands on the rag. He chewed on the inside of his lower lip for a few minutes, as if trying to decide how he wanted to answer.
“Moved in about six months ago. Rentin’ it from Bunky’s son.”
The tension in his response was evident, but why wouldn’t it be? Bernie had been released from jail about eight months ago and Matt was the cop who put him there. It wasn’t as if Matt expected the man to walk up and shake his hand.
Bernie tipped his head up slightly, jerking his chin toward the deer carcass laying in his yard. “Out huntin’?”
Matt nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yep. Bagged an eight-point. Supposed to meet Jason Tanner at the access road to the Shaffer’s property up the road away but got off course.”
Bernie smirked. “Guess you didn’t learn how to read a compass at that police academy.”
Matt didn’t hear the contempt in the comment that he expected he would. He laughed and Bernie smiled, revealing a few missing teeth on the bottom front row. Matt was about to excuse himself when he heard the squeak of the front door of the house and saw movement out of the corner of his eye. A small girl, maybe 7 or 8, darted down the paint-chipped steps with a boy of about 5 following behind. The pair ran to Bernie and tossed their arms around him the girl holding on to his waist, the boy to his leg, just above the knee.
“Hey, there.” Bernie ruffled the girl’s hair. “What you out here for?”
“Mom said to tell you breakfast is ready,” the girl answered, looking first at her father and then turning her attention to Matt, wide blue eyes boring into him.
“Did you come to take my daddy back to jail?”
The words hit Matt full force in the chest. She said them without emotion, speaking in a matter-of-fact tone found more often in an adult than such a young child. He wondered how she knew who he was and if he should be worried Bernie’s young daughter knew he was the man who had arrested her father.
Matt decided to be just as blunt. “No, ma’am. I was just hunting in the woods today and came here by accident. What’s your name?”
“Marlie and this is my brother Jerry.” Her direct tone and gaze unnerved him, but he had a feeling she’d had to learn to be tough in her short life and that thought unnerved him even more.
“Nice to meet you,” he said.
He looked back at Bernie thought about how Reggie had asked about keeping an eye on him and hoped he wouldn’t have to. He hoped Bernie had turned his life around if not for his own sake, then for the sake of his children.
As if reading his mind Bernie laid a hand on the top of his son’s head and cleared his throat. “I’ve kept myself clean, McGee. If you’re here to try to get dirt on me, you’re going to be disappointed.”
Matt held a hand up and shook his head. “Bernie, I assure you that I had no idea you were living here. What I told you about hunting and getting off track is the truth.”
Bernie nodded, frowned, and looked at the ground. “Okay then. I believe you. You’re not one for lying. Never were.” He chuckled, revealing his missing teeth again. “If you had been then I might not have been in jail for those six months.” He spit at the ground, shrugged a shoulder. “But, I deserved it. I know that. I got myself messed up with the wrong crowd. I have a talent for doing that, I guess.”
Matt knew it also didn’t help he’d been raised in the wrong crowd.
“I didn’t like arresting you, Bern. I hope you know that. There are very few people police actually enjoy arresting.”
Bernie ran a hand gently down his daughter’s, white-blond hair and tipped his head toward the yard, and looked down at her. “Why don’t you and Jerry go play a while, k?”
After the kids darted across the yard and back into the house, Bernie looked at Matt. “Sure did suck when you busted me, but maybe it was what I needed, you know? A wake-up call. Gotta hit rock bottom to come back up, right? I’m starting a junkyard and car business, turning over a new leaf, starting over. For the sake of Chrissy and the kids.”
Chrissy. That’s right. Matt remembered Bernie had married Chrissy Trenton from high school, another person who’d had a hard life.
“Glad to hear that, Bern. I wish you luck. I really do.”
Bernie nodded. “Thanks, McGee. I appreciate that.” He nodded toward the deer. “You better go meet Tanner. Don’t want that meat tainted.”
Matt turned and head back toward the dirt road next to the junkyard. He hoped Bernie was telling the truth and that he’d really turned his life around. Maybe the state police were wrong about Bernie. Maybe he wasn’t running a meth ring. From the quick glances he’d given around the property while walking into and out of it, Matt hadn’t seen anything that would toss a red flag up for him in relation to drugs, but he knew that the shed could have been one place to hide it.
Lord, please don’t let there be anything there. I don’t like the idea of taking a father away from his children.
The fact I am able to write a blog post this week is exciting to me and feels a little like a miracle.
It’s just a silly blog post but I am alive to write it. And I apologize ahead of time if it makes no sense at all!
If you didn’t catch my blog post from last week, I spent five days in the COVID unit of our local hospital starting Thanksgiving night. I just looked back at that original post that I copied from Instagram and I don’t think it makes much sense but, then again, a lot of my blog posts over the years probably haven’t made sense. Ha! The second blog post about my recovery didn’t make much sense either but it’s been quite a journey so I will cut myself some slack.
I came home from the hospital Monday night of this past week and am slowly recovering, trying to regain some sort of normalcy again. Making myself write this blog post is one way of getting some of that back. I am still worried about my cognitive state at this point, but I can write cognitive so that’s a good thing, right? I have issues with brain fog anyhow but COVID has stepped it up even more. I had never heard how bad it messed with you mentally until I got it.
So, I mentioned in my other post that I have developed a very odd internal tremor that started either when the symptoms of COVID (dry cough, high fever, exhaustion, loss of taste and smell) started or when I found out officially that I had Covid. I’m not sure which. The days all blurred together. I do know I had a bit of a mental breakdown when I saw I officially had Covid, terrified of what it would bring to my family.
I chalked the tremor up to the effects of the virus itself but it is still there and won’t go away even as I should be over the virus. I do have occasional breaks from it. It’s very hard to explain it other than to say I feel like I am sitting in a pot of boiling water all the time but without the heat. Or that my muscles are constantly twitching from the spine up through my head. Or that I’m sitting on a phone on vibrate 24/7. I also have a low roar in my ears but my ears have been stuffed for over a month so that isn’t leftover from Covid.
I think I mentioned in my post earlier in the week that I had something similar happen to me when my dog of 14-years died in 2017. My daughter was also sick around that time (she’d stopped eating and was tested for the flu), I thought I had cancer (don’t even ask! I really am crazy sometimes), etc. it all built up and a vibration similar to this developed. It took maybe two or three months to settle down. I’m hoping this will take less time.
So I have slowly been getting my taste and smell back and cried when I started tasting food like my mom’s homemade mashed potatoes.
On Friday night I smelled Little Miss’s gas and actually got emotional. Ha! I know! It’s crazy but it’s just another sign I am recovering. I lost my smell and taste on the 13th. My son did as well and he’s still waiting for it to come back. I reminded him I am a few days ahead of him in recovery so it should come soon. My husband only lost part of his smell. As far as we know Little Miss didn’t lose any of that.
What I’m reading
So reading actual books was not on my priority list last week. I couldn’t get my brain to settle most of the time and did way too much internet research. When that obsession settled down, I found that texting my family and friends and watching old comedies like The Andy Griffith Show and stupid Lifetime Christmas movies worked to calm me more than anything else.
I did try to read Virgin River by Robyn Carr on my final day in the hospital, but, well, I don’t think it’s a very well-written book so I struggled some. Or maybe it’s just because I already knew what happened since I watched the first season on Netflix a year or so ago.
When I got back from the hospital my joy was reading Paddington with Little Miss and doing all the voices. Daddy doesn’t know how to read it right, she says.
I’m now also trying to read Saving Mrs. Roosevelt by Candice Sue Patterson for a book tour and so far I am enjoying it. It’s so nice to disappear inside books again!
What I’m writing
I am planning on gutting my novel this week. I don’t have a lot of brain capacity at the moment for writing, really, but I’m trying to do a little editing at least and that’s actually helping my mental healing a lot.
I have no idea when I will share fiction on the blog again. It might be after Christmas at this point.
What I’m Watching
I watched a ton of The Andy Griffith Show last week, as I mentioned above. Comfort watching. It was what I needed. I also watched Lovejoy and Corner Gas with my husband when we were first dealing with COVID and then did a couple marathons of Corner Gas during recovery this past week. I watched a lot of Gordan Ramsey’s travel show on National Geographic while in the hospital and a couple of really dumb Lifetime Christmas movies. I suffered through Pitch Perfect 3 as well. Lord, that was awful and I don’t think it was awful just because of the COVID.
What I’m listening To
In the hospital, I listened constantly to my Christian music playlist that I had set up on Apple.
I listened to Elevation Worship and Crowder and Matthew West, Needtobreathe (ironic, no?), Natalie Grant, Cece Winans, MercyMe, Keith Green, Michael W. Smith, Rend Collective, and For King and Country, just to name a few. I highly recommend listening to music in situations like that. It truly calms the nerves.
So that’s my week in review. I somehow made it! I would love to hear how your week went. I don’t care if you just cleaned out your attic or decorated the house or baked some cookies. Please feel free to share with me in the comments!
