Today has been a ‘Not Today’ Day. And I plan for tomorrow to be one too. What’s a ‘Not Today’ Day? It’s when a situation is so overwhelming and I have wasted so much energy on something I can’t fix that I have made myself physically ill and now I have to say “No..not today. Today I’m drinking tea, reading a book, playing with my kids and not trying to fix what I can’t fix.”
A Not Today Day is when the bank has messed something up again and you’re so far in the hole who knows when you’ll get out – not today . . .
A Not Today Day is: Your husband’s family won’t talk to you, ignores your children and just put a for sale sign up on the family home without even telling you – not today . . .
A Not Today Day: When the little voice in the head says, “Those women who used to call you a friend hate you now” … not today.
A Not Today Day: when your period is late and you know it’s just going to come on your birthday AGAIN this year!!!. . . not today.
How many sermons have I heard reminding me to say “The battle belongs to the Lord”?
To be able to say, “The the battle is yours, Lord,” is the hardest thing ever because it is a letting go that has to be done in the scariest place in the world – the mind.
What a prison thoughts are. What an oppressive place the mind can be when you let it. Voices will whisper all that is wrong but some days you just have to say “not today”, make a cup of tea, open a book, put on an old movie and decide you’re done trying to plug all the holes in your life on your own.
The bank account is still in the negative – we will plug that hole some other day.
The family still is silent – we may never plug that hole (more than 18 years of that wears a person down).
The friends are still gone (that’s not going to change).
But the tea is hot, the book and the movie are nice and distracting and somehow, somewhere God is still good.