I used to check my phone often. Maybe a friend would call or message or send an email even. But, no, the messages never came. I sent emails and texts and sometimes I even called but rarely did the calls get returned or a message sent unless I sent one.

Just recently I stopped looking at my phone. I realized I wasn’t going to be called any time soon. I wasn’t going to be emailed either. I wasn’t going to be asked how I was doing. I wasn’t going to be invited to a concert or an event or asked if I wanted to grab lunch together. I finally gave up and bought lunch for myself and ate it alone.

One reason I deleted my personal Facebook account was so I would stop looking at the blank messenger box and feeling depressed. I was starting to feel very pathetic as I looked at it expectingly, every day, only to be disappointed that either a person hadn’t responded to my last message six months ago or not one so-called “friend” had messaged to see how I was.

I should add that since deleting Facebook not one of the people on that oh-so-special “friends list” has asked me where I am or if I am okay. Not one. I read an article one time about a man who deleted his personal Facebook account and all his friends thought he’d died and called to check on him. Apparently, all my friends already thought I was dead and didn’t even bother to check.

It’s weird to get myself out of the habit of checking email or messenger, hoping someone cares enough to ask if I’m alive, but once you finally decide you don’t care anymore it makes it easier. It’s not that I don’t care I don’t have any friends left but I guess if I am meant to have friends again, God will provide them at the right time. For now, I am trying to start my day with a devotional and spend my days not expecting any contact from people who used to say I was important to them.

It makes my existence a little sad but also a little more free of drama and I would say that’s a good thing.

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Written by Lisa R. Howeler

As a writer, photographer and former journalist, Lisa R. Howeler writes a little bit about everything on her blog Boondock Ramblings. She's a wife and a mother and enjoys a good John Wayne movie and a cozy Jan Karon book. She's also a freelance writer and photographer who is a contributor to various stock agencies, including Lightstock and Alamy. Her photography work focuses on documentary and photojournalism.

16 comments

  1. Thank you for understanding. Sheesh! I didn’t even get my explanation comment right. All those mistakes. Yikes! I have no idea what a ding-a-long is…LOL! Hope I at least made you smile. I think it’s time for me to get some shut eye.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, my goodness! I can’t believe I ended up posting two of roughly the same thing. I was using my phone, which I don’t normally do, and it glitched one me. I thought I lost my original comment and then tried my best to remember what and do it again. Gosh! I am such a ding-a-long! Please feel free to erase one. The sentiment is still the same regardless. 🤦‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for being so open and sharing! Your post touched me. I too am friendless. It can be tough sometimes, but like you I don’t miss the drama. I don’t miss trying to be someone I am not, sacrificing parts of my personality, or worrying if I am okay to be around. It would be awesome to be able to say yes and no to things and not made to feel a certain way about it; jeopardizing the relationship, expecting something in return. I hope this makes sense. I love what you are doing! 💛

    Like

  4. Your post really touched me. Thank you for being so open and sharing. I too am friendless. It is hard sometimes, but like you, I don’t miss the drama. I don’t miss trying to be someone I am not or worrying if I am okay to be around. I wish I could find friendship with honesty and openness. Finding others who look beyond the exterior to make connections and allow you to say no and yes to things would be awesome! I hope this makes sense. Love what your doing! 💛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It definitely makes sense. I constantly worried around my previous friends about what I was doing wrong and if whatever I was doing wrong was why they didn’t really seem interested in hanging out with me. One friend in particular really made me feel like I would never measure up and I can’t say I miss that at all. I’m almost didn’t post this today because I felt it sounded whiny but I’m glad I did so I know I’m not alone!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This happens more then you think. I saw a news-clip about this a couple months ago about how we as a nation are becoming lonelier then ever, people just aren’t connecting anymore. I blame all those social media trends. I have so many family members and even friends that I thought were friends never reply to me either. I always tell my kids there are millions of people on this planet, your people are out there, just takes a little extra work to find them.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. So true. What helped me was starting a blog. I did not get any visit when I first started and then slowly, slowly I started getting visitors and that was such a treat. I love reading other posts and just seeing what everyone is up to as well. I will take breaks now and then though because the computer can get a little addictive. When we are up north during the summer we have no telephone or computer up there at Our Little Red House. We have an old television set my aunt gave me that we watch old VHS tapes and Dvd’s on so we also don’t get news up there. It is a nice break from technology. If I am offline for awhile that is usually where I am. At the moment I am in the city.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I used to write a blog, years ago, and then I took a break for a few years when I was working. I started it again a couple years ago, off and on, and when all my friends started to ignore me last year I started again. I usually have about two people read it – my dad and my husband and I actually don’t think either of them read it – they just click “like” so I think they read it and don’t feel like a loser that almost no one reads it 😉 It’s okay…they try at least. Seriously, sometimes some people read it but after I cut Facebook my traffic plummeted. I don’t mind, most of the time, but other times I feel like I’m talking to a wall. Ha! I love following other bloggers, though, even if they don’t follow me back. It’s so neat to read about other experiences, or learn about new books, or new ways to cook or any number of things..connecting with different views and different people is really a lot of fun. Of course, I’d love to have some “real life” friends too…but that will come one day.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I know what you mean. I have told friends and family about my blog and website and have even gone on their computers at home to pull up my site to show them in person but they aren’t interested. We can pick our friends but not our family. Now days, that little green monster is everywhere. Real life friends are usually in the places where your passions are. I have yet to find some too. I have a lot of good neighbors and we all look out for each other so that is nice. I baked a lot of cookies to get to know everyone though. People are afraid to make contact now, at least it seems that way to me.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh my gosh… my comment above makes no sense but that’s what happens when I try to write comments while two children are talking at me and the dog is looking suspiciously like she might pee in the house if I don’t stop what I am doing and let her out

        Liked by 2 people

      5. This made me laugh. I understood the comment. Some of my posts are a mess so I have my daughter proof them but she said she stopped doing that awhile ago, she just copies and paste. Dyslexia is fun when you are trying to write anything. You should see all the little red lines when I write something up the first time. Anyway, comments from the heart written in the moment are always my favorites. Hope your dog didn’t pee in the house, that is never fun. I have had plenty of pee spots to clean in my lifetime and that includes all animals including the little human kind. Have a great week.

        Liked by 1 person

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