It’s official. I’m old. Do you know how I know I’m old?

I pulled a boob muscle.

A BOOB muscle.

No, it isn’t officially called a boob muscle. I think it’s the pectoral muscle, or something fancy sounding like that, something I thought only men had.

I pulled it by lifting a camera bag while twisted at a weird angle.

When I first felt the pain I thought, for an entire ten seconds, that I was having a heart attack. This was a stupid thought, of course, because it hurt only when I moved, hunched too far over or stretched too far back, or when I touched the skin or muscle itself. If I barely breathed and laid in bed with a rice pack on my boob I was fine. It was obviously an external muscle issue, not an internal muscle issue.

I’m so old.

Seriously.

I’m so ooooold.

If I can pull a boob muscle by just lifting a camera bag, I’m afraid to work out, like doctors are always telling old people to do. Who even knows what I could pull doing a simple lunge or yoga pose. In fact, I once pulled a groin muscle doing Yoga. Too much information? I think you may be right.

For the last couple of years more and more body parts, some I didn’t even know I had, let alone they could hurt, have been revolting and as a result I am having pain in places I never even thought about having pain in. I mean, the breast, where it curves into the sternum? Is that actually supposed to hurt? I don’t know but it did after the whole camera bag fiasco that came from trying to carry too much up the stairs while also closing the dog gate behind me and keeping our little, loveable mutt (Zooma the Wonder Dog) downstairs so she can’t find her favorite pee place – my bedroom carpet.

Sometimes I get pain in my shoulders and arms and feet, even when I don’t do anything the day before. The “most fun” pain to have was in my butt because my 4-year old thought it was hilarious when I said my butt hurt. Of course, it’s actually the sciatica muscle but she laughed so hard at the idea my butt hurt, I finally gave up on explaining what a sciatica muscle was.

Logically I could credit all these pains to any number of things besides getting old – maybe I’m developing fibromyalgia like my grandmother and mom, maybe I’m just out of shape, maybe I have MS or an auto immune disease, or Lyme, or maybe it’s hormones because I do have other symptoms of some garbage phase of female life called perimenopause. Or maybe my hypochondria is showing again. Let me consult my medical book or Dr. Google and I’ll get back to you later about which it is.

I don’t know what it all is but deciding I’m simply “old” is the easiest, and cheapest, explanation for now. Declaring “I’m getting old” is a great excuse for sipping on herbal tea with honey, wrapped in blanket (on the days I’m not having hot flashes), reading a book and telling local teenagers to get off my lawn.

How about you? What’s the weirdest muscle you’ve ever pulled? Keep it clean. This is a family blog.

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Written by Lisa R. Howeler

As a writer, photographer and former journalist, Lisa R. Howeler writes a little bit about everything on her blog Boondock Ramblings. She's a wife and a mother and enjoys a good John Wayne movie and a cozy Jan Karon book. She's also a freelance writer and photographer who is a contributor to various stock agencies, including Lightstock and Alamy. Her photography work focuses on documentary and photojournalism.

8 comments

  1. Ugh I know that heart-attack kind of pain that’s really a muscle. Right now I’ve got a pain in my lower left abdomen that I’m trying really hard to convince myself it is NOT ovarian cancer. I took two Advil liquid gels and am about to jump in the shower because if the pain gets worse and I end up going to the doctor I want to be freshly showered.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I went through the ovarian cancer obsessive thoughts in November and then again a month ago. I had similar pain and took ibuprofen and stopped my period for two weeks and now my hormones are off. Ah, the life of a hypochondriac 🙄

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think mine was gas from eating bean burritos for lunch 4 days in a row. But yah, I was totally thinking I would be in the ER in the middle of the night after scaring myself with Dr. Google.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m glad I’m not alone in this. Every pain I get I think is cancer. Yet I’ve heard cancer doesn’t usually hurt so I guess it just those getting old pains. I haven’t had boob pain yet. It’s probably coming, though. 😒

        Liked by 1 person

  2. too funny but I feel your pain! Can’t remember the weirdest muscle but can safely say I’ve probably strained them all. You need to get out more, maybe join me on a walk soon. Once you’ve healed up of course!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t consult Dr. Google, lol! 🙂 I’m all for the sipping of tea, being comfortable, reading a book, and telling kids to stay off the lawn for a “cure”! Go for it 😉 God Bless! Weirdest muscle pull for me was probably when I pulled a foot muscle. I don’t remember how it happened or why, put I do remember the pain!

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