I am a control freak.
I know it.
My family knows it.
God knows it.
I’m not as bad as some people, no.
But, I’m still someone who likes to control situations around me – mainly any situation I feel could affect my own well being or that of a family member.
If I think I can do something to change a situation for the better, I will do it, or at least attempt to do it. Often, though, I can not change a situation and I still lay there at night and try to figure out how I can.
For instance, we need to sell our house, sooner rather than later, so for several nights in a row, I was lying awake, trying to figure out how to get the money to fix this house up so we can sell it faster. I couldn’t figure it out and it was leaving me exhausted and irritated. One night I was laying there, physically tossing in bed while my brain tossed all the possibilities of remedying this situation back and forth. That’s when I heard a voice, of sorts, in my head. Actually, it was more like a sentence that I didn’t put there, so, for me, it was God reminding me of something.
The conversation went something like this:
“Didn’t I tell you to let me handle it?”
“Well, yes, Lord, but . . . ”
“Then let me handle it.”
The conversation was over that quickly.
God didn’t ask me to figure it all out. He didn’t ask me to find the solution to our need to find a house closer to my husband’s job or figure out how to get people to read my books when I write them (specifically Fully Alive when it is done. This is the book I really feel God was prodding me to write and I’m terrified to continue writing because I feel completely unqualified to do so.) He also didn’t ask me to be the so-called perfect teacher for my children while I homeschool – he just asked me to do it and reminded me he would take it from there.
I’m not good at obeying.
I’m a rebel.
I don’t like to be told what to do, but as a follower of Christ, I need to trust that he knows better than I do about the things of life.
And I need to trust that ultimately God will handle it, whatever “it” is at that point in my life.