“Mama, I have something to show you,” you said while I was trying to cook dinner one night.
“Um..not now, honey. I have to cook dinner,” I told you.
“But moooom…” you sighed and rolled your eyes with your head tilted back like you had been doing a lot lately.
I sighed myself, without the eye roll and set the chicken aside so I could sit in the kitchen floor with you.
“Today is a special day to tell you how to feel, in my own way,” you sang with the song on the app and slid into my lap. Your voice was tiny and sweet.”I really want to tell you Mom, I love you so. I love you so. You take care of me and help me grow. When I am sad you always know. When you teach me things I feel so proud. You pick me up when I fall down. You pick me up and keep me safe. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, than wrapped up in a hug from you, ’cause I love you and you love me.”
You leaned against me and looked up at my face as you sang and somehow I think you knew what would come next. Tears. From me. Not simple little …. tears but big, full-on ugly cry tears.
You continued to sing and sway a little in my arms. Supper was later than usual that night but it was worth it. It was even more worth it when your dad came home for supper and you sang him his version of the song. Apparently I’m not the only one who ugly cries.
Every once in awhile, at least once a week you come into the kitchen with the phone and you hold it up to me and push play. Each time we sit next to each other and I hold you close and you sing the song to me.
Sweet girl, please never stop coming to me with that song.
Never stop asking me to let you sing it to me.
Never stop looking at my face to see if I’m crying again.
Never stop waiting for those kisses on the cheek and the gentle squeeze as I pull you against me.
I know I can say it, can ask you to always sing this sweet little song to me and love me when you’re older as much as you do now, but I also know one day you won’t sing to me anymore.
One day you’ll rush off to play with your friends, go shopping, or rush to practice and simply wave at me over your shoulder on your way out the door.
You may one day very well forget how much you wanted your mama to know you loved her, but your mama will never forget it and I will also never forget the feeling of being the center of your world.
May I never take for granted these days that can sometimes seem so long but are rushing by so quickly and may I never take for granted your love for me.
And may you always know the love I have for you.