The fields in front of my parents’ house were sunlit and golden. Beyond them were the green of the trees and beyond them the blue hills in the distance. White, puffy clouds drifted across a brilliant blue sky.

I stood at the top of the fields and looked at it all and thought about how four days earlier I’d been on my way to the emergency room with what felt like my heart skipping and wondering if I was going home again, yet unable to accept I wouldn’t.

I’ve had my heart skip before over the years. Many times. On this day, though, the skipping wasn’t stopping and had been going on all day, almost non-stop. I can take it happening a few seconds, sure. But all day? That was weirding me out.

It started at 4:30 a.m. and kept me awake for two hours. I got some more sleep, woke up and it was still there.

Still, I hadn’t fainted. I wasn’t even dizzy. Could it really be my heart? I didn’t think so but it was the same feeling I’d had for years when my heart skipped so that must be it.

I had taken my heart rate and it was a little elevated but later it would go back down again. So I would decide again it probably wasn’t my heart but a muscle twitch or reflux or who knows what.

Around 6 at night, I took my blood pressure after we got batteries for the machine. It was way too high. I took it again. And again. Still high.

We were on our way to the emergency room.

The long and short of it is that the tests showed my heart was fine, other than racing faster than it should have been. Yes, my blood pressure was high, but not as high as my machine was saying at home (still very bad, I won’t lie).

It could not have been anxiety. I told the doctor that. I could feel my heart skipping.

The feeling in my chest was so weird – again I’ve had it before and have learned to ignore it. That day I couldn’t ignore it. It wouldn’t stop.

The doctor was kind. He didn’t tell me I was crazy. He didn’t tell me it was “just anxiety.” He told me that while he didn’t feel like I was in immediate danger at all, I should go to a cardiologist and get on some medicine for the blood pressure.

Once again it was apparently anxiety. I’m still not sure, though, since I started to notice I could almost recreate the feeling when I touched or pressed on my upper abdomen.

Now I’m wondering if I was either having stomach issues that were making my chest area feel weird or if it was a muscle twitching. I do not, however, believe it was only anxiety because for most of the day I didn’t feel very anxious, other than the feeling I was having. I tried to carry on my day like any other day and keep my mind off it. It was until we found batteries for the blood pressure machine and I checked it did I start to really get nervous.

I was diagnosed with a type of tachycardia when I was 18 so I’m used to being told to visit cardiologists and I have a couple times before – always being told my heart is okay. I’m used to my heart rate going up when I’m tired or have had too much chocolate. I also found out that being dehydrated will raise a heart rate since they poured two bags of fluids in me to try to get the heart rate to go down when my blood work showed I was slightly dehydrated. In case you are wondering — it didn’t go down until I went home.

So on Thursday, I was at my parents’ thinking about how lucky I was to be sitting there looking out at the fields with the sun pouring on it, even though the heart flipping feeling continued throughout the week.

I started connecting the feeling to when I ate, to when I was sitting hunched over and worried about situations going on with our family, and to when I was, yes, anxious. Still, it wasn’t the same feeling I get when anxious, and the muscles in that area felt tight so I added stretches to the prayers and massaged the muscle and then the real help (besides the prayers) was a CBD rub-on stick.

Sitting and looking out at the field reminded me of Tuesday morning when I’d woke up after the ER visit, looked out in my backyard and saw the wild roses blooming. I hadn’t thought they would bloom yet and there they were – almost like a message to me from God.

I’ve been waiting all year to see those roses again and God knew it.

He gave me my roses in the same way he gave me peace and energy that day I was dealing with what I thought was my heart going all haywire. I was amazingly alert and with it and had energy well into the night when we came home even.

I didn’t think I was having a heart attack. I really thought my heart had gone into an irregular heartbeat. Like Afib.

It’s hard being the person who is always told she has anxiety and then she actually does even when she was convinced she wasn’t dealing with it on a particular day.

Yes, I have legit medical issues – hypothyroidism for one – possible fibromyalgia for two. Maybe one of them went haywire and I’ll follow up with my doctor to see what her ideas are (which probably won’t be much because she is honestly so useless it’s not even funny. It’s why I am looking for a new doctor).

After all that drama on Monday, I took my parents to an orthopedic appointment for both of them on Wednesday and found out my dad has a pinched nerve in his back. That’s been causing him incredible pain and unfortunately, we found out there is not much we can do about it.

On Thursday I was at my parents to celebrate my older (much older) brother’s birthday and it was a very nice, relaxing day. The first relaxing day I’d had all week.

Yesterday was even more relaxing since I didn’t have to go anywhere. Today I had to go get groceries and drop The Boy off at his friend’s house about 40 minutes away. I might be doing that while you’re reading this.

Tomorrow I am hoping for another day to relax, but may end up taking my parents to a family reunion instead since they both need help getting around now.

So that was my week – very little time for relaxing but plenty of time for praying and trusting God to bring me through.

How was your week? I certainly hope it was better than part of mine.