‘”Isn’t it better to have your heart broken than to have it wither up?” queried Valancy. “Before it could be broken it must have felt something splendid. That would be worth the pain.”‘

Note: I have removed the password from this post so it is more accessible, but be warned that there are spoilers about the book ahead!

I read The Blue Castle on a whim last year and was surprised by how much I loved it. So much I am rereading it again this year.

Why do I love this book so much?

For one, I love how whimsical it is. I love how it starts out with us in the pits of despair and slowly we are taken on a journey that will leave us questioning the moments in life where we let others tell us our dreams weren’t worth dreaming

I love the sweet romance of this book and how Valancy wants love but when she finds it, it is not the grand, showy love she imagined in her dreams, but is instead grounded, secure, and a friendship that blossoms into love.

I love how Valancy steps out from under the thumb of her mother and family to find freedom to be herself. She learns how to live life the way she wants to live it before the option is taken away from her.

Today I am going to review the first ten chapters of the book and I’m going to be honest, these chapters are a bit melancholy as we are told that Valancy is depressed and hopeless many times within these pages. Some readers might be tempted to give up on the book at this point, but I pushed through and if you are reading this, you did too. Aren’t you glad? I am!

I truly feel that this book is most likely one of the most autobiographical of all of Lucy Maud Maud’s books, though I know she herself said Emily of New Moon was the most autobiographical.

Lucy wrote this book after her husband was diagnosed bipolar and she was dealing with depression. I am certain there must have been many times she escaped inside her head to her blue castle during this time and beyond.

This book was so eye-opening and really, in many ways, life changing for me. It made me think about my own life and how many times I have decided not to do something simply because I know I am expected to do certain things certain ways or because I know negative comments will be made by family members.

 The idea of a woman being jolted awake to the fact she’s never really lived and that only she can change that by a difficult medical diagnosis is a fascinating idea for a story to me. That story inspired others, including me, to change their lives like Valancy did, even without a medical diagnosis.

There are so many good quotes in his book but the defining one has to be the one she reads in John Foster’s book, Magic of Wings: “Fear is the original sin. Almost all the evil in the world has its origins in the fact that someone is afraid of something. It is a cold, slimy serpent coiling about you. It is horrible to live with fear and it is of all things degrading.”

Bam.

Those words are what will eventually spur Valancy into taking control of her own life so she can really live before she dies.

She begins to really live by slowly rebelling against her controlling family, especially her mother. Her family is used to her doing what they think she should do. They are used to her being obedient and quiet and boring.

I think that valancy’s first act of rebellion is to cut down a rose bush that is called “Doss’s Rose Bush.” Her nickname is Doss and the bush never blooms, much like Valancy’s life. She finds a knife in the garden shed and rips the bush out of the ground in defiance of it never having bloomed from her.

The rebellion and out-of-character behavior become easier after that.

Soon she decides she will no longer do the things she doesn’t want to do. Her mother can pout, but Valancy is done, and what strikes me personally is that Valancy decided this at 29, and it took me until I was 48.

I have hit a point in my life where I like to remind myself that I am an adult ,and if I don’t want to go somewhere or do something, I don’t have to, even if people in my life think that I have to or should.

I can’t believe it has taken me so long to shrug it off when I know someone in my life might be upset I didn’t do what they want. I don’t have to do what others want or expect of me.

What a freeing feeling.

In these first ten chapters, Valancy finds that feeling and soars emotionally because she’s finally shedding the oppressive presence of her mother and other relatives over her life. She’s finally pursuing what she knows will make her happy.

I am not saying I think we should do what makes us happy at the expense of others but there are times we do have to stop caring what others think and just live.

A few things I loved about these chapters:

How Valancy got the courage to go to Dr. Trent instead of the doctor her family normally went to.

Her decision not to let her mother tell her what do anymore, and the moment she finally stands up to her mother.

I love how the rebellion and realizations start slowly and just keep building.

Another aspect I find interesting in these chapters is how she compares herself to her cousin Olive so much. Olive is prettier and men and the family love her. Yet she is also single and in her mid to late 20s, so Valancy doesn’t understand why everyone seems to think Olive is so wonderful.

This is foreshadowing for future chapters in the book, but I won’t tell you any more than suggesting you keep in mind the phrase, “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side,” when it comes to Olive in the future.

One note on how this book is written — it is mainly third person but our author breaks the fourth wall a few times, like here, when she talks about Valancy’s changing lovers in her daydreams.

“I don’t say Valancy deliberately murdered these lovers as she outgrew them,” she writes in chapter 1. “One simply faded away as another came. Things are very convenient in this respect in Blue Castles.”

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the first ten chapters:

About the lovers in her blue castle:

“At twelve, this lover was a fair lad with golden curls and heavenly blue eyes. At fifteen, he was tall and dark and pale, but still necessarily handsome. At twenty-five, he had a clean cut jaw, slightly grim, and a face strong and rugged rather than handsome. Valancy never grew older than twenty-five in her blue castle, but recently — very recently — her hero had reddish, tawny hair, a twisted smile, and a mysterious past.”

On her 29^th birthday, and realizing all she is afraid of:

“Afraid of her mother’s sulky fits — afraid of offending Uncle Benjamin — afraid of becoming a target  for Aunt Wellington’s contempt — afraid of Aunt Isabel’s biting comments—afraid of Uncle James’ disapproval — afraid of offending the whole clan’s opinions and prejudices —afraid of not keeping up appearances —afraid to say what she really thought of anything — afraid of poverty in her old age. Fear — fear — fear she could never escape from it. It bound her and enmeshed her like a spider’s web of steel. Only in her Blue Castle could she find temporary release. And this morning Valancy could not believe she had a Blue Castle. She would never be able to find it again. Twenty-nine, unmarried, undesired — what had she to do with the fairy-like chatelaine of the Blue Castle? She would cut such childish nonsense out of her life forever and face reality unflinchingly.”

““But though she was not afraid of death, she was not indifferent to it. She found that she resented it; it was not fair that she should have to die when she had never lived.”

“She made a discovery that surprised her; she, who had been afraid of almost everything in life, was not afraid of death. It did not seem in the least terrible to her. And she need not now be afraid of anything else. Why had she been afraid of things? Because of life.”

“She found she resented it; it was not fair that she should have to die when she had never lived. Rebellion flamed up in her soul as the dark hours passed by —not because she had no future but because she had no past.”

“Fear is the original sin,” wrote John Foster. “Almost all the evil in the world has its origin in the fact that someone is afraid of something. It is a cold, slimy serpent coiling about you. It is horrible to live with fear; and it is of all things degrading.”

What are some of your favorite moments in the first ten chapters?

Do you think that Valancy becomes a little too callous and maybe even a little rude to family as she works out how to be free of them or do they deserve the treatment they receive?

Do you have a favorite quote from these chapters?

The next blog post will cover Chapter 11 to 23 and won’t be up until February  27 so if you are behind and following these posts as they are first posted, you have plenty of time. If you are following these posts somewhere down the road, read the next post whenever you are ready!