The Awkward Day My Dad Showed Me Where He’s Going to Be Buried

I wrote this post 7-years ago. I don’t know why, but I wanted to share it again today. Certain conversations with my dad lately reminded me of this one. I don’t think I ever shared this post on this particular blog so – yeah, you’re welcome for this one.


A walk in the local cemetery is always a source of great joy in our family.

Not really, but we can pretend.

It seems like sometime around Memorial Day every year Dad and I end up at the cemetery down the road from his house, looking at the gravestones of dear departed relatives, most of which died before either of us were born.

The trips used to be a chance for Dad to tell me about the people buried there and how I am related to them. Always interesting, but the older my dad becomes the more morbid and depressing these trips become.

I’m also suspecting that some kind of internal switch has been switched off in Dad’s head the older he becomes because on our most recent trip he decided to regale my son and I with the story of how one of our relatives departed this earth. My son is six.

“That’s cousin So-And-So. She burned up in a barn fire.”

“Um…yeah…Dad…maybe not now…” and I jerked my head toward my son whose mouth was hanging open.

My Dad didn’t catch the head jerk. He squinted his eyes at me and looked confused. “Huh? No. I said she burned up in a fire. In a barn.”

Apparently being subtle wasn’t going to work here.

“OK. I got that but maybe saying it in front of the six year old wasn’t the best move,” I said and stared at him for a bit.

“Oh. Yeah. Ok.” He shrugged and kept walking.

Before long we found some ground under two big trees, away from some other stones.

“I bought two plots here years ago,” he said walking around the spot and making gestures with his arms in the pattern of lines while he looked down. “I think it was….” He stepped over a couple of places. “Right here.”

He stood looking at the ground a few moments. I shifted nervously next to a gravestone dated 1863 and hoped he would suggest we head back home now and end this awkward moment.

“Yeah. I think it was here. Not really a lot of space. I guess they can have my feet face the roots of these trees I helped plant when I was in Boy Scouts. Then my old body can feed the tree as it decomposes.”

The next time he suggests we visit the local cemetery I am going to emphatically say “no.”

16 Comments on “The Awkward Day My Dad Showed Me Where He’s Going to Be Buried

  1. This makes me absurdly glad my dad hasn’t even said a word of what he wants done to his body when he dies, though he did make me read through his will when I was in my early 20s. This reminds me of my grandma, though, when she gave my mom a bag of clothes shortly after my grandpa died in 2000 and told my mom it’s what she wanted to wear when she was buried. I’m glad it was about 18 years before I found out about that, but I can’t imagine how much it must have freaked my mom out because my grandma, as weird as she was, was very no nonsense about things sometimes.

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    • Right now my dad is all into the funeral planning and telling me which funeral home he wants and discussed which cemetery I actually want him at (because the trees have taken over his original plot so we may have to go to another cemetery where his parents are buried). I’m not going to lie — between the anger in the world, all the corona stuff, and these conversations with him, my nerves are pretty much shot. However, those types of conversations do need to be had so I just have to grin and bear it. Or bear it and cry a lot while huddling in the corner of the room hugging my teddy bear 🙂

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      • Gosh, my nerves would be shot, too. But, yeah, there’s never a good time to discuss it and it’s always good to know what to do when it happens. It’s a good thing they make teddy bears so cuddly these days.

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  2. 😂❤️sorry this was bitter sweet, I couldn’t keep straight faced reading it…I wasn’t ready for this post to end, pretty captivating even if it was an awkward moment…my grandma will do that same stuff in front of my kids😬

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    • I couldn’t keep a straight face right it either. lol. Dad was going through an odd time back then – I think Lyme might have been kicking in..he was diagnosed not long later and so his filter was off. He’s a bit more sensitive about things now but sometimes he still does stuff like this and cracks up about it later because he didn’t realize how he was sounding. And sometimes maybe he doesn’t care how it sounded. Ha

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  3. Trips to he cemetery are informative – obviously too much so occasionally. 😉 Just about all of my deceased relatives are buried in our church cemetery so it’s definitely a walk down my family’s memory lane to visit there.

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