I read a quote recently about the real test of the Christian faith is not if we love Jesus but if we can love Judas.
Ouch.
That’s something I had never really thought about.
Loving Judas.
Have you ever thought about loving the man who betrayed Jesus to the Romans and whose actions led him to his death?
I mean, if he hadn’t done that then Jesus wouldn’t have been led to the cross and died there for our sins, right?
Or would God have found another way?
Sometimes I wonder why God couldn’t have found another way.
Was it God’s plan or Judas’s free will that led him to do what he did? God gave him free will but he also knows the future so he allowed Judas to condemn himself to hell – I have to be honest that this kept me awake last night because I didn’t like the idea that a man was allowed to go to hell to complete God’s plan.
This is how my brain worked as I thought about it all: Did he walk himself to his doom and direct path to hell or did God help him along?
It is a twisting and turning journey in my brain that I don’t want to take. I’ll never really know no matter how many times I think about it anyhow. Not until Jesus calls me home. Then it will be one of the first questions I ask him.
This past week I thought about who the Judas are in my life. Or who were.
The people who did things to me or those I loved that were so horrible I can’t imagine how to forgive them. I’ve actually come a long way in forgiving those who did things to me or maybe those who were rude and dismissive to family members of mine.
But those who sexually and mentally abused children I know?
To be honest and open — I can’t say that I’ve been able to forgive that person. Not even a little bit. And I don’t know how I ever will. In the Bible it says we must forgive those who sin against us, but how? How do you forgive the monsters in the world? That, to me, is only a forgiveness God can give because as humans it’s too big of a task.
As soon as I read that question a few months ago about loving Judas two people came into my mind. One I’ve slowly been able to forgive but might never fully trust again. The other? I see only red when I think of them.
I wish I could write here, right now, that I thought to myself about that one person when I read that quote, “Yes, I can love the Judas in my life because God has called me to,” but I didn’t think that. Not at all. I thought, “Oof..” like I’d been punched in the gut. I thought “Wow. What a question.”
But at no time did I think, “Yes, Lord, I can.”
Because I can’t.
Not now, and without Jesus supernaturally hallowing me out and replacing my humanness with his holiness, I don’t see how I ever can.
Jesus loved Judas therefore he can love even us when we are at our lowest and darkest.
This is something I’ve read and heard before and the next question is if he could love the real Judas, can I love the real Judas in my life?
For now, all I can say is, “I’ll keep praying about it.”
Because at this point, at least in one case, – even though the Bible says God can not forgive us if we do not forgive others – the answer is no.
As Thomas who asked to be helped with his unbelief, I am asking God to help me with seeing others as he sees them. Maybe one day I will.
Discover more from Boondock Ramblings
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Pingback: Sunday Bookends: Miss Marple, Little Women (yes, still!), Lark Rise To Candleford and – Boondock Ramblings
Ouch indeed!
When considering Judas, I think it might help to consider Peter at the same time. Both betrayed Jesus – Judas, obviously for the money, but Peter did by denying Christ, specifically after he said he would never do so. Jesus, in turn, told Peter that before the rooster crowed, Peter would deny Him three times. We know that although it didn’t lead to Jesus’ crucifixion, it’s still a grave sin, and Peter did it even though he had been warned he would. (Jesus predicted Judas’ betrayal as well.) The thing is, upon understanding their sins, Judas went and killed himself, whereas Peter repented. And we see how Peter was “welcomed back” and rewarded for that repentance.
God loves each one of us, sinners that we are. We are called to love each other as reflections of His love, and when we love Him and each other, it brings us closer to God. I’d guess that if you can love Peter, you could love Judas. That being said, people do terrible things that pull them further away from God, and while I don’t think we are necessarily supposed to hate these people, the behavior can’t be condoned, and we aren’t supposed to go chasing for them. I don’t know.
One of lessons that I’ve learned being Orthodox, though, is that things take time, and that’s okay. When I was still Protestant, I felt a lot of guilt about not being able to forgive people or what have you, but the Orthodox sense of time is just different, and there’s much more of a sense that most things – even conversion – are things that take a long, long time to do. Or maybe better said, they take a long time to be perfected. And so there is ever work before us, if we’re willing to do it!
LikeLike
I think what you said at the end is the key–I’ll keep praying about it. I am reminded of the Corrie ten Boom story, when a former guard, who was so awful to her and instrumental in her sister’s death, came up to her at one of her meetings after the war. He stuck out his hand and asked for her forgiveness. He had become a Christian after the war. Corrie said that in her heart she could not, and she asked God how He could do this to her. In that moment she cried out to God for His help, and His forgiveness rushed into her heart as she shook the man’s hands. I have had a similar experience myself, when God asked me to forgive ones who had done horrible wrong to others I cared about. I did not have it in me to do it. But as I cried out to God, I felt His forgiveness rush into me. It certainly wasn’t my own. It was a gift to be able to forgive, just as much as being forgiven by God for my own sins was(is) a gift! It changed my whole perspective. I hope this makes sense? It is too hard for us, it is literally impossible. Only Christ in us can bring that depth of forgiveness. And He knows how to help us in that process when the timing is His. Thank you for sharing these very heartfelt thoughts!! You touched my heart today.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And I just had to come back here this morning, thinking again of all the questions you raised, and all that I have too. There are so many that I also cannot understand. It makes me weep thinking of so much injustice that goes unpunished all around us. And yet, someday He will make it all clear. Someday His justice will prevail. Oh Lord give us grace to hold on until that day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of the things I’ve often thought about is…is Judas actually the hero (other than Jesus) of the story? Did he, knowing he was condemning himself to the world’s hatred, go forward because he knew the end of the story? As you said, without Judas, we don’t have the crucifixion and the resurrection.
As for forgiving the Judas figures in our lives, I’ve really only come up against one, and I forgave her years ago. It wasn’t worth the stress in my life because it really didn’t matter to her what I felt. But, having said that, I truly haven’t faced many instances of Judas. As for forgiving those monsters in our world, I haven’t considered the thought that I needed to forgive them. And, now, I’ll be thinking about that for a long while. I have often asked my husband if Hitler is in Heaven. If he asked for forgiveness and grace in those last moments, were they granted to him? Because, if anyone deserves hell, it is surely Hitler. As you say, we’ll not know until we reach Heaven. And, I have lots and lots of questions when I get there.
Thanks for this honest and thought provoking post, Lisa.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Judas is absolutely not the hero. I believe strongly that God calls each of us to a life with Him. Unfortunately, very few of us live that out to the extent that we should. Some traditions call those whom we recognize as having done so saints.
There’s an awful lot of debate about whether Mary was the only person who could have borne Jesus because she was probably the best example of someone living to God’s will here on earth. Is there anyone else who did so to that extent? That really is hard to say.
However, when it comes to Judas, we know that if it hadn’t been Judas, it wouldn’t have been hard to find someone else who would have betrayed Christ. If you want to be technical about it, Peter did in the same timeframe as Judas. However, upon realizing the enormity of what he did, Peter repented, whereas Judas killed himself.
I think it’s a very dangerous thought experiment to start thinking that somehow Judas might be the hero. He had free will to commit evil, and he did, and he was despairing of it rather than repentant. This is common. What is much harder – and much more worthy of being examined as heroic – are those who hear God’s calling and follow, come what may.
LikeLike
Yes, known is us will know how God really handles all those we see as monsters until we get there ourselves and by then none of it will matter any more.
LikeLike
The forgiveness in my world would come because of the lies we were told, the manipulative efforts that were made within the whole family. Otherwise I don’t know that it’s my job to forgive all the monsters, of course and thankfully!
LikeLike