I’m going to preface this post with a clarification – I am not whining about not making money or book sales. I’m just rambling to blog friends about some disappointments I’ve experienced and lessons I’m learning along this writing and life journey.

I have a love-hate relationship with social media and lately, that relationship has tipped into the hate category more than the love.

As a self-published author, I need to have some sort of presence online if I want to sell books and that includes social media. I started writing my fiction books for fun and to escape anxiety and depression. I shared them here on the blog, chapter by chapter, again, as an escape and for fun.

Selling books was secondary. When I saw that I might be able to provide a tiny amount to the monthly family income, I became more interested in selling. Unfortunately, to earn any money as an independent author you need to be willing to put out more money than you earn at first and when you already don’t have a lot of money, that’s a definite challenge.

I’ve been pushing posts and sharing about my books fairly consistently for five years now (while also trying not to always be pushing books) and in the end it really hasn’t mattered. Every month I make about $40 on book sales. Previously I would make between $10 and $20.

I work hard for that $40 but it’s really not a good return on all the time and money I’ve put into my books. A lot of it’s been – dare I even say it – a waste of time. One of those things are the posts I make and share to Instagram.

I have a lot of fun making memes, laughing over them, sharing them, and meeting people on social media through them. I don’t find everything I’ve done online a waste of time.

I’ve met some of the coolest people.

I’ve had some amazing opportunities.

I’ve found a way to distract myself from depression and anxiety that doesn’t involve drinking or eating myself into oblivion.

There is some good that has come from the time I’ve spent online.

A lot of good.

But I’ve also spent way too much time on things that haven’t mattered and aren’t helping my soul.

Balance is definitely key when it comes to social media.

Spending too much time on there can eat up your soul.

Spending too little time means you can’t connect and meet more people who might be interested in buying, or at least reading, your book.

This weekend I decided my soul was more important.

Now, this isn’t an announcement that I’m leaving social media, never to return. It isn’t even an announcement that I’m taking a break (even though I’m taking a small one that doesn’t involve going cold turkey but does involve backing off a bit). It’s just me sharing some thoughts about how social media has changed so many of us, how draining it can be, and how it steals a little part of our soul when we get too wrapped up in it.

I have seen people change as they become more popular on social media.

They’re more willing to compromise their values and morals as they become popular.

They often seem to be more interested in gaining followers, pats on the back, and overall attention than they are in sticking to their beliefs on a variety of issues. I get it. That shot of endorphins when someone likes a post or a lot of someones likes a post is addicting. Been there. Done that.

I have just decided I’d rather be unknown and poor than have to pretend I am someone I am not, to completely overshare every aspect of my personal life, or to compromise my integrity to get those likes.

The bottom line about my relationship with social media is . . . it’s complicated but I have my lines drawn and I intend to do my best to stay within those boundaries.