Faithfully Thinking: He did it for his own heart, not a pat on the back.

A couple of years ago a large church near us sent out an invitation online for people to come be baptized at their church.

My husband decided he wanted to do it.

This church is like a mini-mega church in our area.

I didn’t feel totally comfortable with it because their service seemed more like a show to me than an actual church service. I feel bad saying that because quite a few people we know attend the church and they are very kind, lovely people. Still, it’s the feeling I get when I attend.

My husband wanted to do it, though, so he called the church. The secretary said she’d send him some info and told him to send it back and he’d be on the list.

He filled out some personal information and sent it in, but had to fax it because they’d literally given him one day to have it back by and the church is about an hour from us so we knew it wouldn’t get there in time with the mail.

I thought the pastor would call him ahead of time, chat with him a bit, ask him about his decision, etc.

That never happened. No one from the church called except the secretary to tell him what time to be there.

We all went, including my parents, and he was placed in a line of other people getting baptized.

Still no one from the church spoke to him to tell him they were proud or good luck or how great his decision was or anything else.

Surely the pastor would come to speak to him before he was led up to the baptismal they’d set up in front of the worship team, right?

I didn’t see that happen but I was sure it had before he’d walked up and been dunked while the worship team sang a song from Elevation Worship in the background and right after a man read a small testimonial from my husband.

From my point of view it was like a conveyor belt. People went down and came up and then they handed them a towel and moved them on. They were already in T-shirts with the church’s name emblazoned on it. It was a great marketing opportunity, of course.

There was even a professional photographer.

No one from the church spoke to our family afterward, other than my parents who some of the parishoners knew. The pastor didn’t shake our hands, no staff members thanked us for coming – we just left the church like we just went through the line at the drive in.

I asked my husband in the car if the pastor had spoken to him at any point.

He shrugged. “Nope.”

I was indignant. “Are you serious? So this was just a marketing opportunity for them? What, they needed some publicity shots or something?”

I was angry and disappointed in the people who called themselves Christians.

My husband had at least hoped for a certificate but he didn’t even get that in the mail later.

None of that really mattered to him, though, he told me.

To summarize what he said: It wasn’t about the show for him or a pat on the back from the pastor or anyone else from the church. He did it for himself. For his own soul and for his family

I was sitting there feeling bitterness toward the church while he felt joy at having made a decision for his own heart and his own salvation.

A little background might be needed here. I was brought up in the church. I’ve been a Christian since I was five years old. My husband has been a Christian for several years, but more committed the last four or five. Yet he was the one who had an attitude of what really mattered was why he did it and who saw it and acknowledged it.

His response was a wake up call to me — a reminder to stop focusing on what I see as the failings of the church or God’s people.

People will never be perfect. They will never live up to the expectations I have for them because only God can reach our highest expectations.

In the end it truly didn’t matter that the pastor didn’t talk to him or the secretary never sent the certificate. There may have been very good and plausible reasons for those things not happening but even if there weren’t, it doesn’t matter.

What matters is my husband’s heart and the choice he made that brought him closer to Christ in a way that felt tangible to him.

Faithfully Thinking: When the church disappoints you

The Church has disappointed me, time and time again. By The Church, I mean the Christian Church.

I have stood in offices of private Christian schools and overheard gossip about others within the school; gossip that never should have been repeated. I have been told information I should never have been told by Christians who never should have known it, let alone shared it. I have heard Christians run down people who are struggling with cancer, mock people who were struggling with parenting, and betray people who were supposed to be their friends.

I have listened to people who call themselves Christians speak sarcastically and condescendingly to other Christians. I have been rejected by many Christians and I have been pushed to the outside of circles because I wasn’t the “right kind of Christian.”

And I have also done some of these things in the past myself.

I have been disappointed in myself.

I open my mouth or use my fingers at times I should not. I get annoyed and instead of praying, walking away and asking God to seal my mouth, I blurt out that annoyance. I have a quick tongue (and quick fingers) that God has been taming and has tamed in the past, only for me to lose control again. It may not seem like it to some, but I am so much better than I used to be. If people only knew how far I’ve come, they’d be so proud of me, even though I never recognize my progress and am rarely proud of myself.

That’s the issue when we judge people from only what we can see. Sometimes we see where a person is and not how far they’ve come. Trust me, I am very, very guilty of this.

The bottom line is that it is almost inevitable that at some point in our life The Church will disappoint us.

Its’ members will hurt us.

We will hurt them.

They will make mistakes.

We will make mistakes.

They are humans and we are humans and the only way for us all to get better is to commit to trying our best to live like Christ.

Church is not a place for perfect people.

It’s a place for hurting, broken, struggling, and failing people.

The people who hurt, break, and fail us.

No matter how many times The Church or its’ people disappoint us, God will never disappoint us.

Humans are ever-changing.

God is never changing.

I find that fact that God never changes comforting in the moments when I fail; when I fall off the wagon of keeping my mouth shut and get myself in trouble – once again.

I am not proud of those moments, but I know that even in those moments God loves me.

He knows I’m human and I’m going to fail.

He knows I want to change and I want to make amends where I can.

And he knows that The Church, his imperfect people, are simply learning as they go and they may hurt each other but that he will never hurt us and will always be there to comfort and hold us in our pain.

Don’t let the pain and hurt the people of God’s church have inflicted on you keep you from the never-changing love of Christ.

He’s with us even when The Church isn’t.