Sunday Bookends: Really don’t have much in me anymore

by Lisa R. Howeler, posted in everyday musings

Sunday Bookends is my week in review, so to speak. It’s where I share what I’ve been up to, what I’ve been reading, what I’ve been watching, what I’ve been listening to, and what I’ve been writing. Feel free to share a link or comment about your week in the comments.

What I’m Reading

Whose Waves These Are

While I am reall enjoying the book, it is full of metaphors and people who talk dramatically with hidden meaning in every word. It’s, well, dramatic, in other words. And that’s nice but it’s also a little mind numbing because there are so many — words in the book. I know that sounds stupid, but I don’t know how else to explain it. The author doesn’t just write “she walked to the pier.” She adds extra meaning behind each step of how and why and where and when she walked to the pier. This all sounds like a complaint but it isn’t. Not at all. The book is beautifully written. In fact, it just won a Christy Award for best general fiction novel. (The Christy Awards are Christian fiction awards.)

So, the book is lovely and I recommend it highly.

Somedays, though, a book with so much hidden meaning is a bit much for my brain and that makes me feel guilty because I should want to read deep things, right? But there are days I don’t want to read anything deep.

After the year we’ve all had, plus my years in newspapers, my brain can’t go deep anymore. It’s bottomed out in many ways.’

There are days I think I should read and write deep.

“My stories would be better if I wrote deep,” I tell myself but then I remind myself that there is a time for deep and a time for simple and light. When someone needs deep and thoughtful they can pick up Amanda Dykes or someone like her (and I hope they do!) but when they need light they can find authors who write light books.

One author who writes books full of humor and laughter is Peggy Rowe. I hadn’t finished her latest About Your Father And Other Celebrities I Have Known for some reason so this week I picked that up again. It’s more of a collection of short stories and that’s perfect for my brain capacity these days.

I’m also reading Christmas in Absaroka County, a Walt Longmire Mystery by Craig Johnson. This is a collection of short stories about Sheriff Longmire. I’m enjoying it so far but it is much different than much of what I read.

At nights my daughter and I read Paddington until she falls asleep.

What I’m Watching

For some reason I’m distracting myself with an old Australian soap opera of sorts called The Man From Snowy River. I guess it is based on the movie, which I’ve never seen, which was based on a book that I’ve never read. There are a lot of actors on the show who later became movie stars including Hugh Jackman, Guy Pearce, Josh Lucas (who I always just called “That guy from Sweet Home Alabama”), Olivia Newton John, Tracy Nelson, Dean Stockwell, and Chad Lowe (yeah, I know….I don’t really remember him as much as his older brother Rob either).

The show is actually ridiculous in a lot of ways, but again, that is what I need right now. I’m only in season one. I’m hoping Hugh Jackman shows up soon since he’s the one pictured on the thumbnail.

What I’m Writing

I worked on The Farmer’s Daughter this week and posted two chapters.

What’s Been Occurring

Honestly, life has me down, cranky, and acting quite miserable to others at times so I prefer not to talk much about what’s been “occurring.” The bottom line is that I’m exploding on people because I’m stressed about other things and that isn’t fair to those other people (strangers mind you. My family has been fairly safe — thus far.)

I deleted my Facebook account last week (deleted. Not deactivated.), took Instagram off my phone, and am considering walking away from blogging as well, since not even that is an escape for me anymore. I’m pretty much sick of online life and life in general both right now.

I’m actively avoiding so much of what I used to enjoy simply because there is no enjoyment left in those things. It seems there is always someone out to ruin everything and slowly I am even becoming one of those people in certain circumstances.

Getting rid of social media is one step in many I need to take to deal with the issues I’ve developed from smiling and doing my best not to share what I really think (which I’ve failed at a number of times in the last couple of days.).

Photos the Week

If you read the previous paragraphs, you’ll understand why I don’t have photos from this week. My heart just wasn’t in it.

Published by Lisa R. Howeler

Welcome to my blog! I am a wife and mom from Pennsylvania who also happens to write. I have been writing for 25 years, fourteen of those for smalltown newspapers in rural Pennsylvania and upstate New York. When I'm not writing about love, faith, and family life in a small town, I'm taking photographs and homeschooling my two children and also writing and publishing fiction. I blog a little bit about a lot of things on my blog Boondock Ramblings at www.lisahoweler.com.

30 thoughts on “Sunday Bookends: Really don’t have much in me anymore”

  1. Lisa,
    You are not alone in this. These are hard times, full of uncertainty, anxiety and..insanity. What is happening all around just doesn’t add up to the discerning mind. Just trust you are not, alone. And please stay ‘here’.

    You make a difference in our daily lives. Be it your photography, or your refreshingly ‘realistic’ outlook on things.

    Hope today is going to be a good day, to us all. And remember: one day at a time. Especially now.
    ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks so much, Kat. Your words were so sweet! I almost didn’t share those thoughts because I felt they were whiny but I just wanted to be open because I knew there were probably others struggling with similar issues and thoughts.

      I will probably stay around the blog but just take a long step back from social media/news and the like. This blog and all of you have really been a life line to me — you all have no idea how much – maybe someday I’ll share that. Again, I hesitate because I don’t want to sound so whiny. 🙄

      And, yes, one day at a time is all we can do right now.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. This reply, made me feel I can breath again. I had a not so good day. Due exactly to what you are going through too Lisa.

        The world has changed so much. But this place, is the safest, lately. Thanks to you and others.

        I feel you, and I hear you. And I’m with you. You are not whiny at all. These are crazy times.

        All my love.
        Kat

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        1. I have to admit this space does feel safe to me. I follow mainly positive bloggers and while I’ve slipped up and responded at times in ways I shouldn’t, I’ve tried my best to make amends with those I’ve offended and keep this blog space a safe haven for them, as well as me.

          I like that a lot of the bloggers I follow are trying their best to keep their posts focused on things other than the world-issues but also feel free to vent when they need to, knowing there are people out there who can relate and commiserate.

          I hope tomorrow’s a better day for you! Feel free to contact me through the contact form if you ever need someone to talk to.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. We’ve all been slipping up Lisa. One way or another. And some more than others. We are all experiencing a complete lack of control over how our lives are daily changing and being affected by (the news), and by all the new rules we are asked to follow.

          All we talk abt, is the plaque. All we stare at, is a set of confused and tired eyes, over a mask.

          I’m also trying hard, to remain positive. Just like you mentioned.

          In applaud you for taking the steps to make amends. Lots would avoid that. Lots can’t face it, and would run away from it. You didn’t. You took ownership and you acted graciously.

          Thank you for offering to talk.

          Wishing you a peaceful night.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. You are in my prayers!
    And I know exactly how you feel. I’m sick of life and would love to have been on the rocket that went to space last night. At least it would be something different. 2020 has sucked and left me with no hope that things will be better next year.

    Like

    Reply

  3. First, I’m with you. Sometimes I just can’t ‘go deep’ in reading a book. I think it’s because there’s so much turmoil swirling around the world that I just want simple when I sit down to read (and escape from the world). When it comes to being online, I completely get it. I haven’t deleted my FB yet, but am seriously considering it. I left Twitter years ago and a few months ago got off Instagram too. I’m temporarily trying another lesser known social media but I don’t have high hopes for it. We’ll see. Prayer, prayer, prayer is what we need to be spending our time doing.

    Like

    Reply

    1. I left a “ghost” account on FB to manage my blog page, but I don’t know if I’ll keep it or not. I have a couple of friends who keep up with my blog that way. I don’t like being on it at all anymore, however. If you are talking about the one social media site that I looked at, I can warn you that it is full of just as much hate as the other ones with just a conservative twist.

      And yes, prayer instead of worrying! Amen! I’ve been working on that and will continue to do so this week. Thank you for your posts, by the way. The ones about the lighthouses are such a nice distraction.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. Praying for you Lisa!! It’s been a heck of a time with an unsure ending. No one is sure when or how or if all of this stress is going to end. I will be praying for peace for you and your family.
    I didn’t know Snowy River was made into a TV show!! I have seen the movie and I LOVED it when I was younger. I’m sure watching it now there would be some tropes, but I still love a good, solid romance with a little bit of “action: 🙂 God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. The show is fairly cheesy with that weird soap opera music in the background that is pretty distracting actually. For some reason, though, I can’t look away. If Hugh Jackman shows up here soon I might be totally hooked 😉 But I doubt it. I already have to fast forward some of the more cheesy bits. Hey, it was the 80s. Just about everything was cheesy back then.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  5. I’ve been feeling very similarly lately. I haven’t been sure if it’s because of the pandemic dragging on, all the general unrest all across the world, or simply it’s just that time of the year where I’m usually worn down, but I’ve noticed it’s been taking more of an effort to do anything these days. Shutting down and off sounds like a really good idea. Of course, I’d miss you if you never returned, but sometimes it is just too hard to muster up the heart and you must take care of yourself first.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. I always hit mine between September and October, so it’s a real pain slogging through until my blessed 2 week break in December. But a break is so nice and usually helpful, though it’s also tempting to never come back.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        1. I’ve connected with such nice people, I don’t know that I’d never come back, but a break from many things is in order. The two things that have to go are Instagram and Facebook. They do very little for me other than make me want to pull my hair out or roll my eyes at people who are desperate for attention — which makes me worried I might become one of those people! 😂

          Liked by 1 person

        2. I always seem to hear and read about how terrible all social media platforms are, yet the same people who complain never leave them. It just sounds like endless cycles of drama. You don’t strike me as anything like that, so I doubt you’d become one of them, but it is nice to pull the plug on them now and then!

          Liked by 1 person

        3. It is endless cycles of drama! Lol! You are right! I left FB last year but went back for a homeschooling group we are a part of. It was the main way they communicated. I stayed to remain connected to some family and friends. I’ve found other ways to stay connected though and am no longer part of that group, so the week of the election I clicked delete on my fb account. I will now have a very limited account with no friends to share blog posts for a few friends who keep up that way. I definitely know the people you are talking about because I was that person until last year when I yanked the plug out on Facebook — it was sooooo wonderful and I felt so much calmer afterward and I am already starting to feel calmer after doing it again. I had a Twitter account for a very short amount of time. That site is a serious cesspool. Instagram is starting to be as annoying but I can post photos there and get out before any drama hits me usually.

          Liked by 1 person

        4. We’d probably all feel a lot better if we all pulled the plug on social media. I have all the major ones for my blog, but really can’t muster up enough energy to engage, which is probably the second best thing I could do for myself (right after deleting it all and never looking back). I can tolerate Instagram because all I do is look at pretty pictures of books I’ll probably never get around to reading and never actually have to read a word of what the poster wrote.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey Lisa! This week has been miserable for me as well. Health issues, crazy outbreaks in my area, and I’m pretty much feeling overwhelmed by all of it. We all have bad days, don’t get too down on yourself!
    Good on you for deleting Facebook and Instagram. For me that was an important step to healing emotionally as well. And I do hope you keep blogging. I enjoy the connection we’ve made!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. Don’t leave blogging! I would miss you. But I get what you’re saying. I’ve been reading news but not much else. I haven’t had much to say about anything either, so I haven’t been blogging much. I’m experimenting with building a website on Wix, which has satisfied my creative and learning itch and given me a diversion from every day life. Which is chaotic and dull…somehow both at the same time. My family and I are healthy and well. I’m thankful for that. One thing about this season though, it’s lonely. Not only because of the pandemic but even just being a stay at home mom. For me it’s a strange mix of being lonely and wanting to do more but feeling too busy/tired to make anything more happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. I hope you decide not to leave this blog. You will be missed.
    My husband and I both have COVID. We’ve been sick this whole week. He’s had worse symptoms than me. My main symptom is tired.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I think if I do it will only be temporary. I’m just so cranky and I’m blowing up on people because I’m a nervous wreck — in some ways. Not totally flipping out but just feeling the stress of things in the world and lashing out at others and that’s not fair to them.

      A couple family members have Covid — someone I have not been in contact with other than on the phone (only adding that in case any friends read this and are concerned I exposed them. 😉). The one family member is very tired and they both have runny noses. One has no taste or smell and the other has had a horrible headache for a week and can’t get rid of it. You have had quite a yucky few months! Please take care and I’ll be praying for a swift recovery for you both.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

So, what do you think? Leave me a comment! I love to meet new people and chat with ones I already know!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.