“You know what? My friends don’t think I’m worth talking to anymore? They have such busy and great lives to fill their time? Fine. Then I’ll fill my days with busy and great things too. You just watch. They ever come back to see what I’m up to and now I’ll be the one too busy to talk to them.”

So, that’s what I said to myself some 10 months ago when the last friend I had to talk started talking to me less and less and less and then avoiding my suggestions to get together. Did my former friends really think those things about me? I doubt it but I’m just saying that’s where my brain was at the time

I talked big. I set goals. I was deteremined.

And then I did – NOTHING.

That’s right. I am no further along than I was when I first sat down and had a good cry over failing at this friendship thing last year.

I still have no real direction for my life other than homeschooling my oldest and starting to figure out how to homeschool my youngest. I’m working on a book and a couple other stories, which I probably wouldn’t have done if I had been dealing with friend drama, but I wouldn’t call that very exciting.

This isn’t a post to declare I’m going to do great things in the next year and stick it to my former friends because quite frankly I can barely manage to get through each day, let alone launch some huge plan for my future. Right now I’m avoiding folding laundry and going to the store for milk.

This is just a post to note my failures because we all have failures. So, if you have failures, revel in them; join the crowd.

Let us all fail together.

And maybe we will even pick ourselves up together. Then we can blog about that too.

 

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Written by Lisa R. Howeler

As a writer, photographer and former journalist, Lisa R. Howeler writes a little bit about everything on her blog Boondock Ramblings. She's a wife and a mother and enjoys a good John Wayne movie and a cozy Jan Karon book. She's also a freelance writer and photographer who is a contributor to various stock agencies, including Lightstock and Alamy. Her photography work focuses on documentary and photojournalism.

17 comments

  1. Okay, can I please positively add that you are absolutely doing something?!? You are raising your children by your own hand. You are not choosing to pass the babies off to the public education system, instead choosing for yourself what words and beliefs and habits will be built into those blessed little minds. I tried my hand at homeschooling and it absolutely whooped my butt. That is hard stuff to handle. Then to add in the responsibilities of managing a household – it is freaking insane to consider.

    I myself am going crazy every day trying to get through the day without losing my shit. Sorry for the word but it’s how I describe when I stop being the person I want to be and morph into the haggard wench that is pissed about everything and very vocally aggressive in that state. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, on top of education and standard child raising dedication and time commitment, suddenly your day becomes overwhelmed before it even begins.

    I reach out because I don’t want you to feel that you aren’t doing something. Choosing to raise your children is the right thing to do in my insane book of how to live rightly. I believe in our society we short our children on time with the people responsible for their creation, thus making them miss out on learning very real parts of what make up who they are. You aren’t shorting your children, you are giving yourself fully to them. That is worthy of high commendations and appreciation.

    Too many people in this world are racing out the door to make money to buy frivolous things as opposed to giving their time to being with the ones they love. I find I admire those doing the work of loving their babies without the added expense of working to pay the bills. Until you find yourself at home handling all the responsibilities, it’s hard to understand just how much work someone at home truly does. You’re at home now, you know. Don’t hate on yourself because all this work goes unappreciated by the grand scheme of society. The truth is you are busy making better babies to contribute to the world. The world may not see it now but when those babies take their place among the unloved, the world will appreciate the different approach to parenting you have taken.

    Try not to doubt yourself, you are showing you children what being a parent is like. They will take their cues from you. How you handle yourself and your situation will shape how they handle stress and adult situations.

    lol I started typing this post like we know each other and I was about to get all encouragementy which sounds like telling you what to do if you don’t know the person. So I’ll stop here on my long comment….

    Hope your night is going well. I wanted to lend some words to ease the mind that was riled on a page I crossed paths with. I can relate to your experiences of being at home and seeing the world flying by. I also have words to lend to that if you would like. But I don’t want to overwhelm you with who I am before I even find out if you care to read what I have to say.

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    1. Thank you for the sweet comments! We started off on such the wrong foot when I misread what you wrote (I realized this morning I tied the other woman’s comments to yours by accident!) and I am so glad we got this straightened out and I realized my mistake. Your comments are very much appreciated! I didn’t think it sounded at all like you were telling me what to do. I’m looking forward to getting to know you more through your writing. This is one time one of my “stick my foot right in it” moments worked out because it meant meeting someone new.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m very glad we got it all straightened out as well! I love crossing paths with people and opening my world a little by little.

        I read another post of yours on depression and I was considering responding there as well but as it was our first interaction I didn’t want to send the wrong vibes like maybe you had picked up a stalker or something. lol It’s easy to get scared by people you don’t know.

        But I would love to get to know you through your writings as well. As I mentioned I am a virtual recluse. I only leave my home to go to the store, the doctor, the library, and to school for the kids.

        I am extremely odd in that I allow almost no outside interference in my day. I don’t read the news on any site. I have my favored bloggers I frequent and hope to interact with. I have my husband, four children, my mom and that’s it. That’s my whole little world living in this big whole world we all exist in. Plus two bloggers who generously decided to pick up an email conversation with me.

        I can relate to the loneliness you feel cut off from a world that is always bustling. Yet I am always bustling to hold down my own world that I never get to witness the bustle of the big world.

        I would love to develop a wonderful back and forth where we can share our unique perspectives in hopes of bringing light to the day for each other. I hope I could be a supporting player in your motivation to do what you feel you need to do to succeed at life.

        Speaking of, what do you define as a successful life?

        If you don’t want to answer before I do, let me know and I’ll share what I define success as in my life.

        Like

  2. Im right there with you. I don’t know what tk do with myself at this stage in my life. My son is 6 months old and my daughter is going to be starting middle school. I have been wanting to start this crochet business and I have been working on some samples to start showing. As for tour friendships, my friend of 4 years had our first major fight a couple months. She accused me of not caring about the situation she’s going through with her husband. Since then I’ve gotten better on checking in with her and I learned that teuw friendship takes work.Some friends are forever and some just for a season. Really pay attention to which kinds yiu jave.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Start the business! Go for it! Why do we all drag our feet on doing what we want to do? I have no idea because I am the same! I’m sorry about your friend. If she’s going through something with her husband she’s probably extra sensitive right now. I agree about the friends for a season and friends forever. It’s sad when you thought you had friends forever but it turns out they were only for a season.

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  3. You got this 🙂 Just keep plugging along and eventually we will get there! Yes, I said we…I start and falter and fail so many times. It frustrates me! But I think the important thing is that we get back up and try again…and again…and again…and again! God Bless! (Also…keep blogging..we’ll all keep picking each other back up!)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. About 10 months ago, I told my husband I wanted to start doing freelance editing. Totally failing at that as I haven’t done anything yet. Though I’m hoping to buckle down and figure it out this month. Odds are I won’t, but, you’re right, we all fail and at least it’s done in good company.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. My reaction at the beginning of this post was aw and then towards the end of this post my reaction was, you go girl! I am faulting right along with you. ☺️ And you are doing something, you are raising children, sharing your world here with all of us, and doing the things you want. You’ve got plans for your life and you’ve rid yourself of the negative self-talk and the effort of those so called friends. ❤️🥰🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. One step at a time – I’m getting there and those former friends have their challenges too. That beginning paragraph was just how I was talking to myself at the time. I don’t know if that was really true about them but it was what I felt and have felt off and on. I do have some plans and I do appreciate my “blogging friends” who comment here. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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