Boondock Ramblings

A little bit about a lot of things by Lisa R. Howeler

This is part of a 10 on 10 post I do with a fun group of photographers. We share ten photos from the previous month on the tenth day of the month. Find the next blog to follow at the bottom of my post.

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My mind will spiral away into a hundred directions if I let, especially now on the day after my son’s eleventh birthday. It will wind down a future road we haven’t even seen yet and veer off trails along the way into a dark wood of the unknown.

He hugs me now, asks for me to sit with him and if he can just sit with me. There will be days when he won’t ask anymore, won’t want the hugs and the affection and I’ll regret the times I chose cooking or cleaning or photo editing over his hugs.

I feel the panic rise within me at the idea of him not asking for me to put my arms around him one day and I have to chase the thoughts away and focus on today not tomorrow. It’s a constant struggle for me, an over thinker, to stay grounded in the moment and not swerve into the future or sometimes even the past. But the past is gone. It doesn’t hold the same power of fear as the unknown, the unseen world of what’s ahead.

Each day I have to ask God to help me focus, to help me calm the racing thoughts that invade my spirit and to quiet the voices that whisper unspeakable horrors that could await me or my loved ones.

It’s a spiritual battle my mom reminds me and she gives me verses to write down and read daily. And I have been because without them my thoughts take flight and not in the way that lifts a person but in the way that drags a person down into a pit of fear, doubt, and destruction.

So today I focus on him. On his smile, on his laughter and on how he loves me, how he lets me hold he still, how he still likes to tell me about what interests him and what he dreams about, how he still holds my heart eleven years after I first held him in my arms and saw my soul in his eyes.

To continue the circle visit Caroline’s blog.

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One thought on “10 on 10 November: Calming my Racing Thoughts

  1. Anna Hurley says:

    Happy Birthday to your young man! Love the photos 🙂

    Like

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