Things I never, ever thought I’d ever, ever have to say

I thought I’d share a list of things my children have recently said or things I’ve said to them that I never thought I’d say.

One night my daughter stepped on her brother’s back and I thought she hit his rear so I asked her to apologize and joked that she needed to kiss his butt to make it feel better. His butt was clothed but still, I was kidding.

She will be 3-years old in a couple more weeks so of course she took me literally. She kissed his underwear clad butt and kept doing it while giggling.

It might have been funny except it was another chance to procrastinate for bedtime. 

“Hey!” I said. “No more kissing your brother s butt! It’s bedtime! Now lay down!”

Another night at bedtime my little brute, who often pushes her older brother away when he wants a hug, sometimes even delivering a throat punch or two, decided she would volunteer a hug for him.

 “Come here, Jonathan. Let me hug you,” she said in the sweetest little, mothering-tone of voice.  

“Awwww!” He said, touched by the gesture and ready for a long, drawn out cuddle session like he and I sometimes have.  

She hugged him maybe 20 seconds, pulled away and said curtly “Okay. We’re done here.”

Yet another night and the lights were off, time for bed.

Jonathan, 10, says: “Stars are made out of burning gas.”

Grace, sounding annoyed: “Stars are made out of stars not burning gas.”

Jonathan: “No. Stars are made out of burning gas.”

Long pause.

Grace: “Stars are not made out of burning farts.”

Jonathan: “I said burning gas.”


Then . . .


Grace: “Stars are made out of burning poop.”

Jonathan: “Grace! They are not made out of burning poop!”


Real life.

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